The Ladybug

Tag: Therapy

  • Acceptance: A Better World than Self-Pity 

    I had a therapist quite a while ago that had a great saying: You can visit pity-city, but do not unpack and live there.  I believe that recently I have been visiting pity-city, and I am trying to cut the vacation short before I take up permanent residence.  You see, this is a dangerous place for me to live because suddenly all my mental and spiritual focus shifts onto me and me alone.  It is tempting to obsess over everything that seems to be going wrong in my life and feel sorry for myself, leading of course to the world’s best sulky mood.  And the ultimate question…why me?  If one’s life is not going as planned or as one would wish it to, pity-city is an obvious destination. 

    However, I plan to fight this mindset.  My bags are packed, and I am leaving pity-city ASAP.  So, where is my next stop?  I am taking the express train to radical acceptance.  To reference therapy again, radical acceptance is a practice I learned from a Dialectical Behavioral Therapist (DBT) during the 2020 pandemic.  And to be honest, at first, I really hated the idea.  Radical acceptance does not mean that I am saying the unhappy situation is okay and that I approve of it.  The practice is also not even saying that I enjoy or like the situation that I am in.  Rather, radical acceptance is simply a mindset of overcoming the misery of a life situation by accepting its reality in my life and moving on, so that I can endure the situation with less pain and suffering.  I may not like it, but it is what it is.   

    DBT was created by a mastermind therapist named Dr. Marsha M. Linehan for people with borderline personality disorder, but it can be applied broadly to anyone needing basic life skills in therapy.  I, personally, have found it very helpful.  DBT also has a mindfulness component that I find refreshing.  Over the years, I have used mindfulness meditations to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the situation I found myself in. My mom gifts me the Calm App (Not Sponsored!) every year for Christmas, and I find the guided meditations to be very helpful.  Meditating, even for a 10-minute session, can help me practice radical acceptance.  When I relax my mind and focus on my breath to steady myself, I have less bandwidth to focus on all my problems…which leads to less focus on self-pity.  I highly recommend trying a practice that aids you in stepping outside of your own world of pain and instead brings to reality a world where the imperfect can be accepted as not permanent, and therefore less threatening. 

    I began DBT group therapy at the young age of 20, but it was not until I was in my 30’s that I really began to appreciate its benefits.  I rebelled against the radical acceptance piece, often complaining to my therapist that it seemed impossible.  What has changed?  I guess with age comes wisdom, because now I can see that the more I ruminate on what is going wrong in my life, the stronger the problem will appear in my mind.  Acceptance of a negative situation is a challenge, but ultimately, it takes away the power that the pain has over you.  Breath.  Be still.  And trust in a Higher Power.   

    I call my Higher Power God, but it can be different for other people, what matters is having a source outside of yourself to rely on and gather strength from.  I do not believe that I could have survived without my faith in God.  Once I accept a situation that is causing me suffering, I hand it to God, and ask Him to take “the wheel,” and guide my path.  I know that I am only a little human, who cannot deal with a complicated life all on my own.   

    And this is why living in pity-city is such a bad idea.  When I am there, I feel separated not only from radical acceptance of my problems but also separated from God.  I am sealing myself off from support by dwelling in my misery.  Not a smart idea.  My hope in sharing these honest reflections is that they might help you, too, dear readers.  Nobody has an easy life, we all deal with something, or many somethings.  I encourage you to let go of any rumination, accept what may be painful, and hand it to a Higher Power who can provide your soul with relief.  My prayer in typing these words is that what I have learned the hard way over the years can be learned by someone else and aid that person to a better and happier life. 

    Go in Peace and Blessings, G. 

  • Perfectionism Part 2: My Truth and 10 Coping Skills for Depression

    I like to ask myself the question: How is it with my soul?  This is not a phrase unique to me, but one that I have heard from many religious leaders throughout my life.  Unfortunately, the truth of the answer to that question in my life is often messy.  Life is tough, and I find that there seems to always be a struggle.  However, there is another question I frequently ask myself that goes along with the first one: How do I want to appear on social media?  I VERY rarely tell the truth of the answer to question 1 when I consider the answer to question 2.  Social media seems to be too often a place for me to hide and deceive, rather than to be honest and raw.  No one sees the scars.  No one sees anything wrong.  I am perfect. 

                Well, today I want to pull the curtain back slightly and discuss a topic close to my heart which is mental health.  Yesterday, October 10th, was #Worldmentalhealthday and while I posted a nice photo and cute caption to my Instagram and Facebook accounts, I really was not sharing much.  Mental health has been a struggle for me since I was quite young, but the stigma surrounding it has often stopped me from dialoging openly about my experiences.  As I have shared on The Ladybug, my blog, I have been ill with a physical disease from a tick bite since mid-April 2025, and the journey to recovery has been a rough one.  What I have not said is the way this disease has changed my mental abilities.  Let’s talk about it.

                I have become extremely anxious and much more depressed since I got sick in April.  In addition, I have horrible bouts of brain fog and cognitive confusion that make it difficult for me to do my college schoolwork and do it well.  For the sake of this blog, I want to focus on talking about my depression.  I am extremely sensitive to medications for depression, and so, unfortunately, that line of treatment is unavailable to me.  I must rely mainly on lifestyle changes and coping skills learned in therapy to treat the symptoms.  This is very difficult.  I wish so much that there was a magic cure for the darkness that creeps into my mind.  I must thank my parents who have been Super supportive throughout my struggle, and my friends who have prayed for me.  God is Good, and I am not alone.

                While acknowledging the deep pain of difficult to treat depression, I also want to focus on all the many ways to attack this mental illness.  Here are some of the ways that I have been coping:

    1. Talking to a professional therapist and psychiatrist.  It is helpful for me to have an objective professional hear me discuss what is happening and support me with cognitive behavioral therapy sessions.  In addition, I see a Nurse Practitioner for extra support.
    2. Taking time to study the Bible and connect with God while journaling and listening to music.  This is my “Spirit Time,” and it sustains my soul with the light I need.
    3. Walks with the family dog outside in the sunlight, preferably through the woods.  Nature combined with gentle exercise can be quite healing.
    4. Looking at a relaxing magazine or loosing myself in a funny light-hearted book.  This changes my mental scenery.
    5. Not going on social media too much, and only remaining on sites that support my soul.  For example, I love ballet posts on Instagram, as well as inspirational Christian posts.
    6. Trying to keep eating and hydrating.  I tend to stop eating when I am depressed, and good nutrition is crucial.  In addition, staying sober, and only drinking favorite things like black coffee and matcha lattes is important!
    7. Talking!  I must not loose contact with those who love me!  I know I am not alone, and friendship and family, including church family, is a lovely tonic. 
    8. Writing.  You, readers, are a support for me as well, even if you did not know it.  I find a great deal of purpose through my writing, and typing away my crazy thoughts on The Ladybug, or the book I am currently writing, is quite meaningful.
    9. NEVER GIVE UP!!!  Putting that on repeat. NEVER GIVE UP!!!  Amen!
    10. Take it 5 minutes at a time when things get bad; every 24 hours is a victory!

    It was helpful for me to review these skills as I typed, and my hope is to help others. 

    My social media platforms show smiles non-stop, but I want those who struggle to know that it is okay not to be perfect, because I certainly am not!!  I have deeper thoughts and deeper pain that is a real and sometimes everyday burden.  You are not alone.  God is an ever-present help, just ask! 

    I also want to share that if someone is reading this and feels in crisis, please call 988, the national hotline.  Or visit www.afsp.org  

    The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is a great resource for support!!

    Blessings my friends! Thank you for sharing the truth with me. G.