The Ladybug

Tag: Self-care

  • Before and After Photos in Reverse: My Story Part 2    

    Trigger Warning:  

    Eating Disorder Patients: I show a before/after photo and discuss weight! 

    Dear readers of The Ladybug, I have already written an entry regarding before and after photos that display weight loss.  I expressed it at the time, and I still believe that these photos can be extremely harmful!  Western society places a huge pressure on women to be rail thin, and on men to have rock-hard abs.  The standards of what a body should look like are so out of control in our culture that weight-loss injections are having a major moment.  Unfortunately, these medications can cause extremely harmful side effects and can transform their victims into starvation models.  I do not endorse forcing weight loss.  I am fine with people wishing to maintain healthy nutrition and joyful movement routines, but it is not safe to force one’s body to meet societal expectations.   

    When I wrote the piece last summer regarding my own before and after photos, it was perhaps easier for me to express myself because I had just lost a significant amount of weight.  I had lost most of the weight by building up stamina exercising and by eating my mom’s healthy homecooked meals while I stayed with my parents frequently.  I was then able to maintain the same lower weight for about a year and a half.  I remained active and helped my parents with physical chores around their homestead.   

    However, now a lot has changed!  I am sharing a vulnerable post today about the truth of a before and after photo which displays weight gain, Not loss.  Let me explain.  To my readers who may not know, I have been battling a tick-borne illness, Anaplasmosis, for a full year now, since April 2025.  This illness is quite serious, and mine has proven to be pretty damn resistant to treatment.  I start to feel a little better, get a little active, and then crash again.  Recently, I moved apartments, and I moved to a whole new town.  The move build-up and now unpacking has caused a big relapse in my illness.  I am taking a strong dose of medications with little results. 

    Therefore, I am currently living a life of mostly lying in bed eating Campbells chunky chicken soups and watching Netflix.  While I understand that that life may sound like Heaven to some, when you are very ill and are forced to recover, it is not easy.  The point?  I have gained weight!  Oh my God!  So, here is an honest photo of what I look like now, compared to last summer 2025.  No flatter belly and tiny boobs.  Now the girls are back and so is my belly!  I have taken a photo revealing my body because I want to make a stand against encouraging weight loss.  It is perfectly acceptable to have a before and after picture in reverse.  Flaunt those curves ladies; you want him (or her) to have something to grab onto! 

    I do not want you to get the wrong idea; I am not encouraging unhealthy living.  I simply would like to free women (And men!) from the feeling that they need to meet anyone’s ideas about appearance besides their own desires.  The right partner will love and accept you for you; there is nothing to prove.  If you take my advice, do not force your body to a breaking point so that you can conform.  Your body knows what it is doing, trust it.  And, if you are a woman approaching middle age like me (40 in October 2026!), then expect your body to look different than it did at 20.  Why must we try to uncover the mythical fountain of youth?  It does not exist.  One’s body is meant to change with aging.  I say Love Yourself!!!  Loving a body that is uniquely yours and beautiful in your own eyes is about the most radical thing you can do these days.  So, please join me in celebrating whichever style of before and after photos are in your life story.  Life is a wonderful adventure! 

    In body acceptance, G.  

  • Real Life War and Peace, and How to Cope 

    I am writing today from a warm and safe cabin located in rural New England.  My life is safe as I sit here and type these words.  However, I cannot ignore the news of what is going on in the world.  I must admit that I have never felt so ashamed or embarrassed to be an American.  In addition, I have also never had less confidence in any president or leader of this formerly great nation.  Trump has attacked Iran and started a dangerous and risky war.  I do not support this action, and I am terrified about what the consequences will be now and in the long term.  From having friends and family who live in the Middle East, as well as friends in the USA military, I feel the effects of this war as it impacts me personally.  I also fear the ways in which Iran may retaliate in the days and weeks to come.  The world was already a destabilized place, with the war in Ukraine fueled by Putin, and the humanitarian crisis in Gaza, along with our president attacking our allies and endangering our own neighborhoods with ICE officers.  Now, he has started a war which never needed to be.   

    I feel so helpless.  I am a single human on this earth with little money or resources.  My personal situation has been one of my recent poor health and a crisis that has extended for months now that I cannot discuss further in the blog.  So, what difference can I make as I read the news headlines and listen to the radio?  I see so much suffering, and I wish I could help alleviate the pain.  But what to do?   Well, my brainstorming session on that topic is what I plan to convey in this post. 

    First, Pray.  Go to God.  The ultimate control of my life or anyone else’s is not their own but belongs to our loving creator.  While He allows us free will, He longs for us to turn to Him and build a relationship of trust and honest communication.  If you are mad, yell at God.  If you feel blessed, praise God.  If you feel helpless, as I do, tell Him, and ask for guidance as to how to act and proceed.  My faith in God ensures that I go nowhere in life alone.  I have a higher power who loves me and takes my hand through all the weather.  What is currently happening is a storm, and I already feel my strength being tested.  I’m scared, but I want to be brave.  God can improve our hearts and minds and bodies to have strength and bravery if we ask Him.  I am praying, will you join me? 

    Second, act peacefully.  This may seem like a huge contradiction during a time of war but hear me out.  For example, being peaceful can simply be a gesture of listening to your neighbor when you talk about a difficult topic like politics or war.  Instead of reacting with hostility to differences, try to gain mutual respect and hold space for the other side, even if you still strongly disagree.  I feel that as a progressive Christian, I am called to be open with my opinions on topics such as racial equality and justice, while still understanding that there are some minds that I cannot change.  In addition, I try to love the people in my life who believe in the opposite political sides of the aisle, and when I struggle to do so, I pray to Jesus for help.  And yes, what about Jesus?  When He was crucified, did He fight and tell His disciples to draw their swords?  No, Jesus sets an example of sacrificial peace, knowing that even if the outcome of our right doing is death, that is not the end of the road.  Jesus rose from the grave, and we too look forward to life after death.  In all circumstances, therefore, try to remain peaceful in your actions, following the teachings of Christ. 

    And third, take gentle care of yourself.  Our country and the world are on fire.  War has come in more than one place, and there is great suffering.  To help myself get through the inevitable stress, I am trying to participate in activities that relieve my soul.  Today, for example, I took a nice long walk in the winter sunshine, an elusive sight.  It felt healing to see the beautiful blue sky above me, and to feel the almost-spring warmth on my face.  The snow was melting, and there was mud on the earth.  Even with the terrible goings-on in the world, the seasons were still preparing to change.  In addition, when I was getting myself lunch, I made a homemade matcha green tea latte, a luxury.  I do not know how much longer I will be able to find and buy matcha, my favorite drink along with coffee, and so I savored it, every sip.  I encourage you to find simple joys such as these two examples and comfort your heart with them.  

    I leave you with a single thought; God is Good.  His love endures forever.  He will not let our world suffer forever.  It will be alright in the end, and if it is not alright, then it is not the end!  So, take heart, stay close to God and your loved ones, and take care of yourself.  Difficult days are here, but we are not alone.  Never give up! 

    In Love and Respect, G.  

  • Welcome to The Ladybug 2026: My 3 Goals for the New Year! 

    Welcome to The Ladybug 2026!  If you are already a reader of my blog, thank you, and if you are new, here is a little bit of what to expect for the new year!  The themes for The Ladybug in 2025 were: Religion, Politics, and Lifestyle.  I wrote 33 posts during 2025, including an introduction.  In addition, I wrote, “Gaelle’s World,” so that my readers could learn a little about me and my motivations for the blog content.  So, let’s talk about what to expect this year as I write out my 3 personal goals.  These are not “resolutions,” they are goals.  The difference in my eyes is that the word resolution implies that something in life needs to be fixed, and for me, goals implies that I am simply adding some new exciting guides to my lifestyle.  The Ladybug, therefore, will still include themes of religion and politics, but I will not limit myself to those topics.  I would like to expand my lifestyle posts to discuss any content that I feel passionate about as the world continues to spin and change around us.   

    So, ready?  Here goes: 

    Goal 1) Increase time with God and connection to the Spirit of light and love.  I find that I can only survive life’s harsh realities and difficulties with the help of a Higher Power.  I cannot weather the journey alone.  Last year, I described myself as a “Progressive Christian,” but now I am not sure which label for my faith in God is best.  With the rise of the Christian Nationalist movement in the USA, I am uncomfortable to use the term Christian for fear that people will think that I have a right-wing political affiliation.  This could not be further from the truth, as I am a left-leaning liberal, and more and more I agree with the socialist Democrats such as AOC and Bernie Sanders.  The core of my faith is the belief that I must be the hands and feet of Jesus to those in need in a hurting world, and that includes the poor and those who are immigrants.  I believe that strength comes from God, not from myself, and so daily devotions that include guided meditations, Bible reading, and journal time are crucial.  If I want to spread love, I must first infuse myself with the love of Jesus.  Devotional time is like an oxygen mask to me, and after I put it on, I can then help others. 

    Goal 2) Learn how to rest in a healthy way.  As I have written previously on The Ladybug, I struggle with a multitude of chronic illnesses, the most difficult of which are hEDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, Hypermobile subtype) and Bipolar Disorder, Type 2.  I like to go, go, go, but then my body collapses, and I am quite literally bedridden.  In addition, when I have too much stress, my anxiety soars, and then I must have medication adjustments for my psychiatric meds.  Trust me, neither of these circumstances is fun.  However, I see two different therapists, one for my physical-health problems, and one for my mental-health problems, and they both told me at the end of the year 2025 that I must focus on learning the art of rest. This news was not welcome to my ears, because I am someone who is extroverted and loves to be busy.  Whether it is helping my local church, doing college coursework, or participating in charity walks such as 5k’s, this girl likes to aim for the stars.  However, the universe is quite literally telling me to slow down.  So, I am going to attempt in the new year to build in “rest days,” and learn to take better care of myself. 

    Goal 3) Live a simpler lifestyle, including decreasing my material possessions.  At the current moment, I feel like I am drowning in “stuff.”  This must end.  I need to practice what I preach with regard to my faith.  I have never wanted to be rich, and I feel choked by how many material goods I own.  Jesus called His disciples in the Bible to a simple life following Him, and I would like to live the same way.  I need to clean, de-clutter, and donate what is clogging my world.  Quality family and friend time are much more important to me than having many goods to hold onto.  I plan to discuss further my successes and struggles with simplifying my life in posts on The Ladybug, so stay tuned!   

    Well, readers, there are some of my thoughts as I enter the new year, as well as some of the themes that you can expect me to write about in 2026 in the blog.  I encourage reader participation, so please leave comments and feedback either here on WordPress, or on my social media pages (Facebook: Gaelle McLoud or Instagram: @gaellemcloud and Substack: @gaellemcloud). If you tune into my Instagram account, which is public, you can see a little more of how I live my life day-to-day.  I hope that you will join me in the adventure of 2026!  

    PS: This is the year I turn 40 years old! My birthday is in October 2026, so join me as I celebrate the adventure all year long! 🙂 

  • Perfectionism Part 3: Body Image Ideals in America are Harmful 

    Dear readers, I am aware that discussing any aspect of body image can be potentially triggering, especially to those individuals diagnosed with eating disorders.  I, myself, was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at age 20, after starting to display symptoms in my late teen years.  Due to my own experiences, I will endeavor to make this article sensitive to those who struggle.  However, I want everyone to honor their own boundaries with the topic.  With that spirit in mind, let us start to talk… 

    One of the most freeing phrases that I ever heard during my eating disorder recovery journey was: your body is not a project.  I have always felt a great deal of pressure my whole life to micro-manage my appearance, especially my weight.  I used to wear heavy make-up, dye my hair, follow all the latest fashions of dress, and starve my body.  In the USA, women who identify as cis-gender females are placed under a huge amount of pressure to groom ourselves into oblivion, even to go so far as to consume diet pills and under-go plastic surgery.  There is an expected, and, frankly, un-achievable, ideal “look” that we must work towards.  Lots of money is poured into this industry of beauty and the pursuit of feminine perfection. 

    Well, now I am saying to it all: F*#ck You!!  My body is not a project.  I look the way I look, and as long as I am healthy, then I am satisfied with my appearance.  In my current world, after being severely ill for 6 and a half months, being healthy and strong in my body image is way more important to me than being glamorous.   

    In addition, I have had a shift over the last few months as to how I identify in my beauty image.  I would now say that I am more of an androgenous female than a typical cis-gendered female.  Some days I am glammed up and girly, while other days I feel comfortable in flannel, jeans, and winter boots.  The identity of androgyny allows for this flexibility, being somewhere in the middle, neither feminine nor masculine.  My studies at university allowed me to gain more exposure to the differing worlds of gender identity, and, after writing a paper on androgyny, I felt so much more connected to my true self. 

    I’m beginning to wonder why I have been spending the last 20 or so years trying to be thin and cute.  Why have I cared what society thought of me?  The dream of being the perfect model from the pages of a women’s magazine or following the latest wellness trend has not been making me healthier or more beautiful, it has been killing me.  As one of my friends said to me recently regarding the weight-loss drug craze, “It seems to be a sickness in our society that is unique to America.”  I am grateful for her honest assessment, and I could not agree more.  American wellness culture, and the corresponding products and medications that feed the system with millions of dollars, just harm the very humans they claim to be aiding. 

    So, I am choosing to be free from the trap of twisting myself up-side down to meet the societal beauty standards.  I encourage you to free yourself as well!  Wherever you are on the body-image road, whether you are struggling with disordered eating, or you are struggling with the pursuit of the wellness community, coined often as orthorexia, I invite you to take a moment to pause.  Think about what your goals are with your appearance and resulting health.  Are you simply chasing an impossible beauty standard?  Or are you investing heavily in a financial way to bring about a drastic figure change?  The only investment that I now believe is honestly worth it, and will bring about the most joy, is the time and energy to be healthy, happy, and authentically YOU!!  There is no reason to conform to any other standard or request from an industry that will not pay you back.   

    These revelations have taken me years to reach!  From wandering hospital hallways with a feeding tube up my nose to over-exercising, to starving and to binging, I have finally arrived at a moment of peace.  Just be where your body desires and forget what America might think.  You will be surprised how much mental room will be created in your head when you let go, and how much room in your wallet you will discover.  Bodies are meant to be all different shapes and sizes.  Food is meant to be joyful and shared, bringing friends and family together.  Exercise is meant to destress and strengthen, without pushing too far.  Try out a few of my radical ideas and see how much tension in your life will lift.  I hope my years of pain can be turned into something helpful for others.   

    To conclude, I would like to provide you with an example from my own life.  While I have been ill recently, I was told repeatedly by my doctors to be on bedrest.  But I kept pushing to be active and exercise, because I was afraid of gaining too much weight while “lying around being sick.”  Finally, I basically collapsed into my own bed and rested for 2 weeks.  I purposefully lay around, watched Netflix, and ate high-calorie and high-protein foods to strengthen my body which was hard at work fighting a serious infection.  Finally, after 2 weeks in bed, I emerged for a 1-mile walk.  Then, I rested.  Next, a 2-mile walk.  Then, I rested.  Testing the waters slowly to see how much exercise I could build up to.  I continued to eat whatever I wanted, especially if it was high in calories.  None of this was done with losing weight in mind.  Rather, I was hoping to gain weight, and re-grow some of my once thick curly hair and beautiful nails.   

    Take my words to heart, readers, and do not learn the hard way as I have.  Listen to your doctors regarding health and rest.  Do not put the demands of the un-healthy “wellness” industry first.  Get quiet within, listen to what your body needs, and act accordingly.  Beauty is fleeting, but longevity and happiness are true goals to live by.  With that advice, I wish you blessings and peace in your journeys.  Love, G. 

  • When my Spirit is in the Desert

    Confession: I am in a spiritual desert.  Perhaps you can relate.  Does the spirit just not feel quite as alive within you?  Well, that is my experience.  The major cause for me personally is stress!!!  I would love to believe that I am such a great Christian as to not drift away from God during intense periods of stress, but who am I kidding??  When life is hard or unfair, I blame God.  In my anger I step further and further away from Him.  It may be a childish reaction.  It may only make my circumstances more difficult.  And…it may lead to the desert.  Then I am alone and struggling. 

                So, what is the easy solution?  There is none!  But opening my eyes and looking around at my desert surroundings is the first step.  I must realize that my toes are sinking in the sand.  The desert is vast and mysterious.  The first step is admitting that I’ve wandered there.  If I stay in denial about my spiritual health, then God is unable to heal the relationship with me.  Let me be very clear about one fact: God never steps away from us; we step away from Him.  God always desires a loving and close bond with those He created.  God never causes bad things to happen to His beloved.  Instead, God longs for our relationship with Him to aid us in conquering the stress of a broken world. 

                The next step is sticking true to your personal spiritual rituals Even while you are in the desert.  For example, if you connect with God in nature, then take a walk!  If you connect with God through music, then lift your voice or other instrument!  If you find God in art, then dance or paint!  Never Give Up!  The key to finding your way through the desert spiritually is to keep on trudging under the sun’s hot rays.  Staying true to your passions connects you to the Spirit of Love.  In turn, the Spirit intercedes for you with God, as described in Romans 8:26-27 in the Bible.  I like to paraphrase this Scripture as such: the Spirit is a friend inside your heart that can relate to God what your thoughts and yearnings contain, all without words. 

                Ultimately, re-establishing a connection with God is the best tool for surviving the deep desert that we all may experience from time-to-time.  Therefore, a third tip I will share is that trying something new in your spiritual routine or coping skills set is a great way to re-gain that connection.  For example, in March 2024, I began volunteering to be a worship leader and sermon preacher at a local church.  Previously, I mostly volunteered doing mission work, which I loved.  However, I have now found that I have a passion for delivering sermons and organizing prayers.  I feel the Joy of God when I engage in these activities.  I find leading worship to be challenging and exciting as well.  I would not have felt these wonderful feelings if I was afraid to try something new!

                In addition, I want to make space for the fact that sometimes, engaging in new spiritual activities that require a healthy body or mind are not possible.  I, myself, have experienced this reality recently.  I have been struggling physically with a severe tick-borne illness, as well as the mental stress that results.  If you are depressed, or facing any other mental health emergency, please seek professional support. I am blessed to benefit from an excellent support system of professional mental health care.  Also, I would advise some other types of low-key forms of exercise.  Some types I have used include: a stationary-bike, a yoga mat, and 2lbs weights that allow me to “work-out” gently.  Movement can be beneficial for both chronic medical and mental illnesses.  I find that moving my body, even slowly, connects me to God.

                I will close by saying that though the journey is tough, it is worth it!  God is a beautiful constant in a world of chaos.  Draw close to Him, even if you are stressed, and He will respond.  Keep Going on the road of faith!  The desert is cruel and dusty, but even Jesus walked there, and with the aid of His Father in Heaven, Jesus walked out into eternal glory.  He will help you out of desert living as well!    

                In Living Water, G.

    PS: A picture of my time writing to you, Ladybug readers!!!

  • Challenges and Gentle Self-Care

                                                    Updates and Lifestyle Hacks

    First, I would like to update you, readers of The Ladybug, on my progress towards The American Cancer Society 31-miles Walking Challenge for January, which was the subject of my first blog post, Walking for a Cause.  I have successfully completed the challenge, by walking a total of 42.56 miles in the month of January 2025.  The goal of the challenge was to walk 31 miles total, and so I was quite pleased with the result of my efforts.  In addition, I was able to raise 151.00 dollars for The American Cancer Society from donations of generous friends and family members who sponsored my walking.  Completing a goal is always rewarding, whether the goal was large or small, and walking for charities is one of my most important values.

    As I have mentioned previously, I struggle with chronic physical illnesses, which can make exercise difficult on any given day.  Two of my diagnoses are: hEDS (Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, hypermobility subtype) and POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome).  These two illnesses do not have cures, and are managed through lifestyle changes.  Exercise is highly suggested for both conditions, and can help the body stay stronger.  Beyond physical health, the benefits of walking for mental health cannot be overstated.  When I am in nature, I feel calm, serene, and connected to God.  Nature reminds me that the problems of the world that seem huge, can just melt away with some sunshine and the songs of birds.

    I feel that when I ask my body to walk, even if she is tired or the weather is difficult to endure, I need to find a way to reward my hard-working body.  One of the ways that I do this is by drinking homemade matcha green tea lattes.  Matcha is an ancient green tea that was drunk by Buddhist monks in a special ceremony.  There are multiple benefits to matcha, including its antioxidants and natural caffeine.  Personally, I find the little ritual of making my matcha lattes to be rewarding.  First, I heat water, but not to boiling.  Then, I whisk the matcha powder with the water.  Finally, I add cold oat milk, and whisk everything together.  The drink is then poured in a glass and finished with a couple ice cubes.  It tastes earthy, rich, and sublime.  This is my personal thank-you to my body after getting me through another work-out. 

    I recommend that everyone be on loving terms with their bodies and find a special way to engage in some self-care.  Self-Care is unique to what each person enjoys. I would simply define it as: being gentle with the wonderful bodies and minds that God has given us.  Whatever challenges you may be facing, or difficult goals you may be pursuing, take some time and be gentle.  Read a book in your favorite genera, wear fuzzy slippers after a pedicure, play an instrument, paint a picture, soak in a bath, or make a list of the blessings in your life.  It is the little moments of joy that heal us and keep us going.  Take on your challenges armed with self-care!  Until the next quest…keep healing, G.

    P.S. Below are two pictures from my walking adventures in New England, and two pictures from my matcha making ritual at home.  Not sponsored!  Enjoy!!