The Ladybug

Tag: Progressive Christian

  • Sex and Sexism: My Take on Being “The Man” 

    Today’s post is going to be both controversial and personal. The topics involve a discussion on sex and sexism. I was inspired to write about these thoughts by Taylor Swift’s song entitled “The Man.” The song is from her album “Lover” and discusses the double standard placed on women in the USA with regards to manly behaviors. This includes themes such as sexuality, partying, career moves etc. The basic idea of the song is that certain behaviors are accepted and celebrated for men, while women are shamed for the same behaviors. I cannot agree more with this sentiment. I have certainly experienced the burn of society due to my life choices, while being aware that if I was a man, the same choices would make me, “The Man.” 

    The main examples that I would like to discuss in this post are with regard to my decisions about my romantic life and childbearing years. To begin, I will be 40 years old in 4 months. I am unmarried and have never been married. I usually have a strict policy of never discussing my sex life with anyone, as it is no one’s business. But I will say just enough here to make my point. Men are praised for playing the field, racking up notches on their bed posts, and being independent bachelors. If they never marry, who cares? They are still considered hot and sexy, even if they are aging and single. Meanwhile, as a woman who likes to be single, and is aging, I am called a spinster.  

    Not only am I a spinster, but my sexual views and behaviors are not celebrated. I am called a slut. For example, I believe that sex outside of marriage is perfectly acceptable. I also believe that sex should be about having fun and feeling good, and I have never had sex with the intention of producing a child. These two views have led me to have my own list of sexual partners and various bachelorette behaviors. If a man gave a similar confessional, at my age, he would be called a silver fox, as well as a praised steadfast bachelor. No problem. However, I clearly have slutty problems. The only time a woman is okay to behave as a bachelorette is at her party right before her wedding. 

    Yes, one night before marriage, a woman can be bad. Besides that, it’s not accepted in our society. So, what about marriage? I don’t want to get married right now. I have been engaged, and I ended it. I have had a second proposal, and I ended that relationship. In fact, I do not like committed long term relationships. My longest relationships are all only about 6 months. Usually, I make it more like a month before I end it. One time, I even broke up with someone I was supposed to be in a relationship with after 2 weeks. There is only one fictional, or media, character that I can think of that acts in this way and is celebrated by society: Samantha Jones on the TV show Sex and the City. (Played perfectly by the actress Kim Cattrall). 

    In the show, Samantha liked to have fun, enjoy sex, avoid commitments and relationships, and she never got married. She even enjoyed a sexual experience with a woman. Many people in the religious community have condemned both the show Sex and the City, and Samantha’s character. But if you look at television and movies, there are plenty of MEN who act like Samantha and are heroes among their peers.  

    Another decision that Samantha Jones made was to never become a mother. This is also my 2nd life choice that, as an aging woman, I am criticized for. I have never wanted to be a mother. I have purposefully never been pregnant. I am an Auntie, and I love my niece and nephew. I am honored to be their Auntie. However, I cannot imagine having a child of my own. It is not my path; a personal decision I made a long time ago. I can honestly say that I have no regrets about not being a mother. I have been a fur baby mother to 3 different cats at varying times, and I loved that experience. I now have a fur baby sibling, my parents’ dog, and I love him dearly. But that is about as far as my maternal feelings go.  

    Again, for comparison, men are allowed to be childless without guilt or shame. They are not expected to want children and need them to somehow complete them. Women in our society are given the message that having a child is the only way to be a true woman. And religion, especially conservative religions, are a big proponent of this message. I am a progressive Christian. I worship Jesus as my Lord and Savior, while still believing in a liberal lifestyle and political message. Yes, the two sides of that coin can exist together peacefully. I guess that makes me somewhat of a radical, as I have met few fellow progressive Christians in my life. It only makes me much more thankful for the few friends that I have who feel the same way as I do.  

    To conclude, I feel the need to defend my life decisions regarding sex and motherhood mainly because I am a middle-aged woman living my life the way I want. And I have been judged harshly for these decisions by some. If I were a man, making the exact same decisions at this age, there would be no need to get defensive. Men are much freer to do what they want in this country. If you want a definitive example, let me just point to the White House. We have had two amazing female candidates, and no female president. Fortunately, we are making progress in this society toward more liberal choices for women. I see many more posts on social media by women making the exact same statements that I have conveyed in this article. I am beginning to feel less alone. But we are far from where we should be with women’s rights and freedoms in the USA, and I will keep fighting until I see success. The patriarchy may be ruling now in America, but watch out, women will never be silenced! 

    In radical truth, G. 

  • Finding Peace Through God’s Purpose 

    Dear readers, today is a difficult day for me personally. I’m going to share some tough news, but don’t worry, I also am going to offer some positive reflections. I just emailed the documents to the university that I have attended since the Fall 2021 semester, to officially withdraw as a student without completing my degree. I am feeling quite sad about this decision. However, I also know in my core that it is the right move at this time in my life. I have been struggling with my physical health increasingly since I arrived home on the evening of Christmas 2024. I faced the tricky option of whether to take just one class in the Spring 2025 semester, which began in January 2025, and I decided to go for it. This turned out to be a mistake. 

    I began facing worse health challenges in April 2025, and they have lasted right up to today as I lay in bed typing this blog. I took an incomplete in the Spring 2025 class, and I finally finished the course, with a grade of “A,” at the end of January 2026. The deadline for finishing it was February 1st, 2026, and I came dangerously close to receiving a grade of “F” for a late completion. This last course that I took really opened my eyes to how impossible school had become for me. With increasing brain fog and debilitating fatigue, the schoolwork I once loved now felt like torture. I would read the same sentences repeatedly in my textbook, trying to understand the concepts and theories.  

    Due to the experiences with my final class, and the advice of my doctors, I typed an email to the withdrawal specialist at the university and asked her to help me leave. She sent me the appropriate pages, and as I said, I have now completed them and withdrawn from school. It feels impossible not to experience a certain sense of failure after working so hard on my degree and now not finishing it. However, perhaps these sensations are a little more emotionally charged because I have dropped out of school multiple times due to both mental and physical health. It appears that, at least for now, I can say that I am not going to achieve a bachelor’s degree. 

    BUT…wait, why do I feel like a failure?! I want to unpack this a bit. God has given me a very strong message through this whole process that He has plenty of work for me to do for His kingdom in this world, and that I have already achieved a great deal. I believe that part of my problem with seeing the word “failure” as a description for my life is due to the expectations of success that the USA society places on its inhabitants. We are told to have Big careers that make a lot of money, and as women, to find marriage partners, have babies, buy houses, own 2 or more cars, and have large bank accounts. This line-up of events all begins with the attainment of a college bachelor’s degree, and then possibly a graduate or even a doctorate degree.  

    What happens when someone takes a different road? Am I feeling so low right now because I could not achieve what I was supposed to do? I have faced many challenges in my life, struggling with both multiple mental, as well as physical, chronic illnesses. Honestly, just surviving and being alive at 39 years and 7 months old is a huge achievement for me! In addition, I have dedicated my life to doing volunteer work that I feel God calls me towards, especially volunteering for churches. I also spent years volunteering for the local hospital in my hometown, beginning at age 14 and ending when I was in my early 30’s. I value family and friend time, and try to make helping my loved ones a priority.  

    And then there is writing. This has been a passion for my whole life. I began keeping a journal around age 7, and I still have one to this day. In addition, I have always loved writing assignments in any form, whether for school, church, or personal pursuits. When I was younger, I rode horses and hoped to make that love into a career. Unfortunately, that was not to be, but I think the only thing that I love the same is writing. At the end of December 2024, I began The Ladybug Blog, as a new project for 2025. Now in June 2026, you are reading the 46th post of that endeavor. It has been a joy to create the blog and share my life with my readers! I may even have another big announcement coming soon with regards to my writing, so watch this space for news soon!! 

    Furthermore, in a devotional of the Methodist guide The Upper Room, I read a post recently that comforted my heart. I felt that God was speaking directly to me. This quote was written by Steve Wakefield, and goes, “Through my small acts, God will do more than I can imagine.” I feel inspired to not belittle myself. My actions matter, large or small. In addition, I just listened to one of the Calm App’s meditations called The Daily Jay by Jay Shetty. He urged the listeners to think of daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly questions that they could ask themselves for reflection and personal growth. Through my experiences today with contemplating school and the American style of hustle and achievements, I believe that my daily and weekly question will be, “Dear God, what small acts can I do to please you today and going forward?” After all, the call on my life as a progressive Christian is to please God and follow His Will for my life. This will be my focus. 

    The lesson I am walking away with this afternoon is that I am not meant to live for what this world tells me I should do or be. God is my leader. My current prayer after these many thoughts is, “Jesus, guide my path.” I may be feeling disappointed, and a natural let-down with the loss of school, but I have plenty to look forward to in my life. I have plenty to keep me feeling fulfilled and remembering always that God is Good. If you are questioning your worth, dear readers, I suggest you meditate on some of the points in this post and see if you can relax your mind and spirit towards a better place. Life and purpose are about so much more than accomplishments. God loves you, and so do I!  

    With All My Love, G. 

    PS I am not sponsored by any of the publications or meditations mentioned in this writing! 

  • How to Praise God on Difficult Days 

    Dear readers of The Ladybug, do you ever have days that are intensely stressful and you wonder how to say “Thank You” to God at the end of them? I had one such day today. For personal reasons, to protect others, I cannot outline for you the details of the stressful situations today. Regardless, I will just state that more than one event unfolded that pushed my mind and body to the limits. I am now lying in bed with my laptop and trying to decompress myself. When I started to say “Grace” before my dinner, I realized that I didn’t want to say my usual line at the end of the prayer. This is the usual statement, “Dear God, Thank You for all of the blessings of this life, I praise Your Holy wonderful Name!”  

    Instead, tonight I felt resentful towards God. I wanted to complain to Him, and frankly, be pissed off. So, I took a deep breath and said my usual prayer statement anyway. A nice f*ck you to the devil, ha-ha! Then, I felt inspired to write this post, because I realized that I am probably not alone with sometimes reacting this way to a bad day.  

    So, I have decided to tell you what went “right” today. Because I firmly believe that there is always something to thank God for, even if it is just the fact that you are still on the correct side of the grass. However, today I have more than only my life to be thankful for. To name a couple of items: I had a matcha green tea latte AND an iced coffee with oat milk. These are my two favorite drinks of choice. Living in a sober lifestyle and having them both on the same day is a big treat!  

    Also, I had enough money in my normally small bank account to buy myself a new yoga mat. Recently, yoga has become a major coping skill for me. I had not practiced it consistently for years, and so I began with chair yoga to strengthen my muscles and re-build my skills. Now, I feel ready to tackle more traditional forms of yoga on a floor mat. This was an exciting purchase for me! In addition to being relaxing, I have found yoga to be a form of movement that my physically weak body can manage better than some more intensive workouts for the time being. I am on a slow, but steady, fitness journey after major illness, and this yoga mat is the next step! 

    Third on my list is the fact that in my new apartment, I have my own washer and dryer for the first time ever! Maybe I am majorly “geeking out” with adulting here and showing my age but not having to share with other apartments or go to Mom and Dad’s house is a big deal! Suddenly, I love doing laundry. Having your own machines is an incredible luxury that most people in middle to upper class USA take for granted, but I have been poor ever since I’ve been on my own as an adult. Therefore, this is a big deal for me, and I am grateful to God. 

    Finally, and most importantly, one of the professionals who helps me with my mental health showed up for me in a big way today. I am blessed to work with some amazing people who assist me with my disabilities, and having services is also a big blessing. I know many people who “fall through the cracks” of the mental health system. They need services, and could benefit greatly, but they are not connected to the right agencies. I am truly humbled by the amazing people that I have met on my healing journey with mental illness and today was no exception. It was easy to thank God today for this person. 

    And…there you go! I have just written four paragraphs about the multitude of ways that God was Amazing today! I have thanked God in my heart over again, as I write and realize that I lead a truly wonderful life. If you have a bad day, I encourage you to try the same exercise. Pull out your journal, or a simple paper and pen, and write down anything that you can think of that did go well throughout your day. Your gratitude examples can be small and simple, but I bet you can think of a couple. Remember, God is always Good, He wants to provide a beautiful life for us little humans. When things go wrong, God wants to help us through. Reach out and Thank God, it will turn your mind in the right direction to focus on healing, instead of resentment. 

    Thank you to you, too, dear readers. My writing blesses me just as much as you, if not more so. I hope I have inspired you to have a peaceful night and find a good release for your own frustrations. Sending Hugs and Love, G. 

    PS The picture of Sunflowers is in memory of my beautiful Aunt, who loved them. 

  • Acceptance: A Better World than Self-Pity 

    I had a therapist quite a while ago that had a great saying: You can visit pity-city, but do not unpack and live there.  I believe that recently I have been visiting pity-city, and I am trying to cut the vacation short before I take up permanent residence.  You see, this is a dangerous place for me to live because suddenly all my mental and spiritual focus shifts onto me and me alone.  It is tempting to obsess over everything that seems to be going wrong in my life and feel sorry for myself, leading of course to the world’s best sulky mood.  And the ultimate question…why me?  If one’s life is not going as planned or as one would wish it to, pity-city is an obvious destination. 

    However, I plan to fight this mindset.  My bags are packed, and I am leaving pity-city ASAP.  So, where is my next stop?  I am taking the express train to radical acceptance.  To reference therapy again, radical acceptance is a practice I learned from a Dialectical Behavioral Therapist (DBT) during the 2020 pandemic.  And to be honest, at first, I really hated the idea.  Radical acceptance does not mean that I am saying the unhappy situation is okay and that I approve of it.  The practice is also not even saying that I enjoy or like the situation that I am in.  Rather, radical acceptance is simply a mindset of overcoming the misery of a life situation by accepting its reality in my life and moving on, so that I can endure the situation with less pain and suffering.  I may not like it, but it is what it is.   

    DBT was created by a mastermind therapist named Dr. Marsha M. Linehan for people with borderline personality disorder, but it can be applied broadly to anyone needing basic life skills in therapy.  I, personally, have found it very helpful.  DBT also has a mindfulness component that I find refreshing.  Over the years, I have used mindfulness meditations to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the situation I found myself in. My mom gifts me the Calm App (Not Sponsored!) every year for Christmas, and I find the guided meditations to be very helpful.  Meditating, even for a 10-minute session, can help me practice radical acceptance.  When I relax my mind and focus on my breath to steady myself, I have less bandwidth to focus on all my problems…which leads to less focus on self-pity.  I highly recommend trying a practice that aids you in stepping outside of your own world of pain and instead brings to reality a world where the imperfect can be accepted as not permanent, and therefore less threatening. 

    I began DBT group therapy at the young age of 20, but it was not until I was in my 30’s that I really began to appreciate its benefits.  I rebelled against the radical acceptance piece, often complaining to my therapist that it seemed impossible.  What has changed?  I guess with age comes wisdom, because now I can see that the more I ruminate on what is going wrong in my life, the stronger the problem will appear in my mind.  Acceptance of a negative situation is a challenge, but ultimately, it takes away the power that the pain has over you.  Breath.  Be still.  And trust in a Higher Power.   

    I call my Higher Power God, but it can be different for other people, what matters is having a source outside of yourself to rely on and gather strength from.  I do not believe that I could have survived without my faith in God.  Once I accept a situation that is causing me suffering, I hand it to God, and ask Him to take “the wheel,” and guide my path.  I know that I am only a little human, who cannot deal with a complicated life all on my own.   

    And this is why living in pity-city is such a bad idea.  When I am there, I feel separated not only from radical acceptance of my problems but also separated from God.  I am sealing myself off from support by dwelling in my misery.  Not a smart idea.  My hope in sharing these honest reflections is that they might help you, too, dear readers.  Nobody has an easy life, we all deal with something, or many somethings.  I encourage you to let go of any rumination, accept what may be painful, and hand it to a Higher Power who can provide your soul with relief.  My prayer in typing these words is that what I have learned the hard way over the years can be learned by someone else and aid that person to a better and happier life. 

    Go in Peace and Blessings, G. 

  • What Are We Asked to Carry? A Reflection for Hard Times. 

    Hello readers, welcome to the 40th post of The Ladybug Blog!  Are you struggling in the dark with all the difficult events going on in America and the world right now?  I would like to offer you some hope, please read on!  Today I would like to share a reflection I wrote for a church service on April 12, 2026.  Unfortunately, I am quite sick right now and could not deliver this reflection in person, but a kind member of the church stepped up and delivered it for me.  Thank you!  Here we go: 

    NH Church Sunday Reflection: 

    It is no secret that the world is a difficult place to live in for many people currently. We are witnessing war in more than one country, and America is becoming more divided than ever along political lines.  I feel that many of us are quite stressed now, and I would like to address that pain in today’s reflection.  The main question that I hear in my own heart is: why does God let us carry heavy things?  The answer to that is perhaps that God does not cause heavy circumstances in our lives, but instead, gives us the strength to carry them, and sometimes carries them for us.  I would like to tell you two stories, one fictional, and one from real life, to illustrate this point.  

    First, I would like to talk about the novel The Lord of the Rings, written by J. R. R. Tolkien, which I am currently re-reading.  The novel is large and is divided into 3 separate books.  It has also been turned into a very successful movie series which came to theaters in the early 2000’s. Maybe you are familiar?  For those of you who do not know the story, the main plot line is that there is an evil lord who creates an evil ring of gold that he pours his malice into. The ring causes lust for power, and it destroys all who bear it.    

    Fortunately, there are good soldiers in this fictional land who want to destroy the ring and its evil master.  Frodo Baggins, who is a creature called a hobbit, travels with his best friend Sam, who is also a hobbit, through the magical land of Middle Earth on a quest to destroy the ring.  Frodo is the ring bearer, and he wears it on a chain around his neck.  The burden of carrying the evil ring is not easy, and Frodo suffers daily from what he describes as a feeling of “heaviness.”  In addition, Frodo must try to resist the evil powers of the ring, which always tries to make its bearer want to turn towards wickedness.  

    At this point you may be wondering why I am telling you this fantastic tale? I believe we all deal with carrying difficult temptations to sin and turn to evil daily in this world.  We must carry much that could destroy us if we let it, but thankfully we have God’s grace to guide and protect us.  In the scripture reading 1 Corinthians 10:11-13, God promises that we will not be tempted beyond what we can bear.  We have Jesus and the Holy Spirit to strengthen us and guide us through our lives.  And, Frodo also has someone to help him, too: his best friend Sam.  To finish the tale for you, at the end of the story, when hope seems lost as Frodo and Sam are struggling to complete their journey, Sam literally picks up Frodo and begins to carry him on his shoulders.  Frodo can no longer go it alone, and he does not have to; Sam is there for him.  The evil ring is destroyed after a long trial for both Frodo and Sam.  In our lives, God is our best friend, who carries us when the difficulty of life is too great.  Remember, you are never alone.    

    Now, I would like to share a second story which is from the daily devotional guide in The Upper Room, written by Lauren Walker.  Lauren tells an honest account of her struggles growing up with her mother who was and is an alcoholic.  Lauren describes how angry she was at God for allowing herself to suffer so much with an alcoholic parent.  She did not have a good relationship with her mother.  Finally, one day Lauren began yelling at God.  As she did so, she began to feel a release, and God’s presence suddenly began to feel real to her.  Lauren realized that God could handle all her feelings of hurt and pain, and that He wished for her to simply communicate more with Him.  She began a practice of prayer and daily devotions with God.  It was not an instant cure for the years of suffering Lauren had experienced regarding her mother, but slowly and surely, talking to God helped Lauren heal.  Lauren expresses a thought for the day in The Upper Room, which is, “I can be honest with God, trusting that God will transform my heart.”  Prayer and communication with God can help us to bear pain.  God will change it into something that we can carry.  I invite all of you to let God help you to soar on wings like eagles, and run and not grow weary, and walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:27-31)!    

    In the Gospel of Matthew (Chapter 11:28-30), Jesus promises that His yoke is light.  Jesus loves his sheep, which is all of us together, you and me.  I encourage you to reach out to our Lord Jesus through prayer and feel the love that He has for God’s people. No matter the stress or difficulties you are carrying currently, Jesus understands, as one who has been to the cross.  On Easter, we celebrated Jesus’ triumph over suffering as He rose from the dead on the third day.  Let Jesus raise your hearts and help you carry your difficulties.  He is faithful.  The times we are living through currently are certainly requiring all of us to carry a heavy burden, but take heart, God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit will help us to live a life of love and light, even in the darkness.  We do not carry our burdens alone.  God bless all of you, Go in Peace.  Amen. 

    Walk On in God’s Strength, G. 

  • The Rebellion of Rest 

    I struggle with finding balance.  Balance seems to me to be a dirty word that I do not want to think about.  In my life, it is typically all Go Go Go, or Stop and Collapse!  There is no in-between.  Part of this mindset is influenced by my bipolar disorder, where my energies are either manic or depressed.  But even when my mood is peaceful, I still struggle to balance my schedule.  Why is this a problem? Mainly because I hustle due to the messages around me in society.  However, I have chronic physical illnesses as well which prevent success.  I want to be always busy and productive, but my body will not sustain that amount of activity. 

    This morning, during my devotional time with God, I was led to read about the topic of rest.  At first, I felt frustrated by the subject.  Yes, God, I get it…I do not rest enough.  But then I thought about it more.  There are many different types of resting activities.  It does not have to feel boring and pointless.  One can rest by writing thoughts in a journal.  One can rest by taking a nature walk and listening to the sounds of birds and rustling leaves.  One can rest by reading a book and curling up with a warm cup of coffee or tea.  And talking to God by sitting quietly and repeating a gentle mantra in one’s head can be incredibly healing and restful.  There is plenty of room for creativity in thinking of restful activities.   

    I used to believe that I HAD to be productive every minute to earn the right to exist.  If I had no purpose, then I did not deserve to take up space in this world.  But now I think this mindset is harmful.  In western cultures we value busyness over quiet pursuits.  For example, if there is a wait at the doctor’s office, you are expected to pull out your smartphone and start scrolling, instead of closing your eyes and spending a few minutes meditating in the stillness.  I feel particularly judged because I do not have a paying job.  I often get asked the question “Well…what do you do with your time??”  It is assumed I am a menace to society, too lazy to deserve attention.   

    One of the major struggles I had recently was a long illness where I could not do much beyond lying on the couch.  I then recovered for a while, only to relapse again.  My responsibilities were hard to fulfill due to my fatigue, and I began to feel worthless.  Who am I if I cannot do things and accomplish lists of chores and volunteer commitments?  And what about college?  Do I register for more classes or just give up?  My mind began to spin.  This battle was too big to handle on my own.  I had to take it to God.  And the overwhelming answer was REST!  You do not need to feel guilty.  The word “No” is perfectly acceptable.  Accommodation can be made and it is not a problem.  But I still felt guilty.  I was not performing in a society that demands us to all be acting all the time. 

    So, this is my statement of rebellion.  I will no longer listen to the voices in the news and media.  I will instead listen to the guidance of my body and my spirit and my faith.  I am worthy no matter how little or much I do on any given day.  And if the only thing I do is move from the bed to the couch and back again, then that is okay!!  Biblically, I am completely backed up…even God rested during the creation of the earth.  Sunday is our day of rest for a reason.  I challenge you to think about your life and see if you need to grant yourself some time to rest.  Are you pushing too hard because you feel like you have too?  Let Go.  Take some time to be still, however that feels best for you.  Trust me, it will refresh your soul.  When you do go back to being busy, you will have an added spring in your step because you took a pause.  Your life will not fall apart because you stopped rushing for a moment.  Let it go.  Let it be. 

            I know that what I am writing is not popular opinion among busy Americans.  But resting is crucial to both mental and physical success.  The hustle can wait.  Life is truly about that dirty word balance.  Find the way that works best for you and stick with it, even if it feels awkward at first to slow down.  Throughout the Gospels in the Bible, we are told of Jesus going alone to the mountains to pray at differing points of His ministry.  He needed to re-boot with quiet time, and so do you!  So, take the step, and step back, not forward.  Breathe and be quiet.  I promise you will feel better.  This practice has helped me, and I assure you that it will help you.   

    In Rest and Peace, G. 

  • Real Life War and Peace, and How to Cope 

    I am writing today from a warm and safe cabin located in rural New England.  My life is safe as I sit here and type these words.  However, I cannot ignore the news of what is going on in the world.  I must admit that I have never felt so ashamed or embarrassed to be an American.  In addition, I have also never had less confidence in any president or leader of this formerly great nation.  Trump has attacked Iran and started a dangerous and risky war.  I do not support this action, and I am terrified about what the consequences will be now and in the long term.  From having friends and family who live in the Middle East, as well as friends in the USA military, I feel the effects of this war as it impacts me personally.  I also fear the ways in which Iran may retaliate in the days and weeks to come.  The world was already a destabilized place, with the war in Ukraine fueled by Putin, and the humanitarian crisis in Gaza, along with our president attacking our allies and endangering our own neighborhoods with ICE officers.  Now, he has started a war which never needed to be.   

    I feel so helpless.  I am a single human on this earth with little money or resources.  My personal situation has been one of my recent poor health and a crisis that has extended for months now that I cannot discuss further in the blog.  So, what difference can I make as I read the news headlines and listen to the radio?  I see so much suffering, and I wish I could help alleviate the pain.  But what to do?   Well, my brainstorming session on that topic is what I plan to convey in this post. 

    First, Pray.  Go to God.  The ultimate control of my life or anyone else’s is not their own but belongs to our loving creator.  While He allows us free will, He longs for us to turn to Him and build a relationship of trust and honest communication.  If you are mad, yell at God.  If you feel blessed, praise God.  If you feel helpless, as I do, tell Him, and ask for guidance as to how to act and proceed.  My faith in God ensures that I go nowhere in life alone.  I have a higher power who loves me and takes my hand through all the weather.  What is currently happening is a storm, and I already feel my strength being tested.  I’m scared, but I want to be brave.  God can improve our hearts and minds and bodies to have strength and bravery if we ask Him.  I am praying, will you join me? 

    Second, act peacefully.  This may seem like a huge contradiction during a time of war but hear me out.  For example, being peaceful can simply be a gesture of listening to your neighbor when you talk about a difficult topic like politics or war.  Instead of reacting with hostility to differences, try to gain mutual respect and hold space for the other side, even if you still strongly disagree.  I feel that as a progressive Christian, I am called to be open with my opinions on topics such as racial equality and justice, while still understanding that there are some minds that I cannot change.  In addition, I try to love the people in my life who believe in the opposite political sides of the aisle, and when I struggle to do so, I pray to Jesus for help.  And yes, what about Jesus?  When He was crucified, did He fight and tell His disciples to draw their swords?  No, Jesus sets an example of sacrificial peace, knowing that even if the outcome of our right doing is death, that is not the end of the road.  Jesus rose from the grave, and we too look forward to life after death.  In all circumstances, therefore, try to remain peaceful in your actions, following the teachings of Christ. 

    And third, take gentle care of yourself.  Our country and the world are on fire.  War has come in more than one place, and there is great suffering.  To help myself get through the inevitable stress, I am trying to participate in activities that relieve my soul.  Today, for example, I took a nice long walk in the winter sunshine, an elusive sight.  It felt healing to see the beautiful blue sky above me, and to feel the almost-spring warmth on my face.  The snow was melting, and there was mud on the earth.  Even with the terrible goings-on in the world, the seasons were still preparing to change.  In addition, when I was getting myself lunch, I made a homemade matcha green tea latte, a luxury.  I do not know how much longer I will be able to find and buy matcha, my favorite drink along with coffee, and so I savored it, every sip.  I encourage you to find simple joys such as these two examples and comfort your heart with them.  

    I leave you with a single thought; God is Good.  His love endures forever.  He will not let our world suffer forever.  It will be alright in the end, and if it is not alright, then it is not the end!  So, take heart, stay close to God and your loved ones, and take care of yourself.  Difficult days are here, but we are not alone.  Never give up! 

    In Love and Respect, G.  

  • Strength Inside the Struggle

    Today is a holiday, Valentine’s Day, and many are enjoying dates with their partners and the thrill of a special evening approaching. However, I will be honest that that is not my reality today. Why? Because, I am sick today. My chronic illnesses are in a flare. So, I thought I’d give you a look at what that is like for me, instead of pretending that my life is roses. This entry is not meant as a pity party, merely to give the average healthy person a glimpse into my world.

         I have been diagnosed with what is casually known as “the trifecta.” This includes hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome), POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), and MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome). I encourage you to Google them, because these are complex chronic illnesses that have no cure, and make the lives of those who suffer from them pretty damn miserable! Basically, I struggle with a multitude of symptoms, including chronic fatigue and chronic pain. I take 20 medications a day in an attempt to manage the symptoms, but nothing is super effective. These medications also include the ones I take for my mental illness diagnoses. However, I have written previously about my chronic mental illness diagnoses, and they are not the topic of this post.

         I began having health problems as a child, and I have always been “sickly.” It has been a long journey of tears, unsuccessful treatments, surgeries, trips to the ER, and doctors telling me that I was crazy before I finally got the correct physical diagnoses. They came from a combination of an Integrative Medicine doctor in Northampton, MA and a few specialists in Boston, MA.  The trip to reach answers was long and difficult.

         Once I was properly diagnosed, I had a lot to process. On the one hand, I was relieved, and on the other hand, I was completely overwhelmed with facing what I now knew would be a lifetime of being sick. In early 2025, I began seeing a health psychologist for a special kind of therapy to help me learn how to live better and cope with the new knowledge. He has been extremely helpful. However, it has also been a challenging process to relearn how to balance my daily activities so as to better preserve my health.

         You see, I have always been an active person. I have always enjoyed setting goals for physical activities and participating in charity walks. As a younger person, I rode horses competitively and did jumping at horse shows, as well as dressage. I once dreamed of being a horse trainer. In addition, I had a passion for running as a young woman and enjoyed lifting weights at the local gym. My attitude was always to push through and keep going.

         BUT, as I have progressed through life, so have my illnesses progressed. All of those activities I loved to do my body can no longer support. Not surprisingly, this has left me with a ton of mental grief to process, and a lot of anger. So, now we come to the reason for the photograph I chose for today’s entry, which is me walking with my cane. Thankfully, I do not need the cane every day yet, but I do need it more and more. In addition, I occasionally have even needed a walker when in a really bad flare of illness. I have just turned 39 years old, and this seems incredibly unfair to me!

         How do I cope? Not great. Honestly, I have to spend a lot of time lying on the couch or bed and simply resting. Netflix and my DVD player have become necessities. I will say it: I hate resting. I crave a busy and productive life, and I wish my body would let me do more. I’m no expert still on living with chronic illness and dealing with the physical and mental pain. I just keep going. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and being grateful for the good days when I get to accomplish something meaningful.

                For example, I transferred to Westfield State University in the Fall 2021 semester, after not doing college course work for 14 years. It has been difficult, but I have now completed 11 courses at WSU with an overall GPA of 3.8. In addition, I enjoy volunteering at my local church. This year there was a high of being a worship leader for the Christmas Eve service. Mission work for the less fortunate in our society is also a passion of mine, and I feel fulfilled when I can help local charities. And, family and friend time is precious to me. I love to be social, even if it means resting afterwards. All of these blessings make my life purposeful. 

        I encourage you to be grateful, just as I try to be grateful, for the wonderful moments in life! We all struggle with something, and the best comeback is to see how God has blessed us. I try to be positive, even when it’s rough, and know that I’m never alone. My family, friends, and Faith guide me through. May my story inspire you to see your own strengths inside the struggle, and NEVER give up!!

         With Resilience, G.

  • Loving the Stranger

    The Ladybug 32 

    Wednesday, November 12, 2025 

    Hello Readers!  Today I feel inspired to share a sermon I delivered approximately a year and a half ago at my local NH church.  However, this sermon seems particularly relevant to repeat, given that our country is currently struggling with a sinking economy, and many families are having trouble making ends meet.  Homelessness can quickly become a reality for anyone, anytime, and I have faced housing insecurity personally.  I also wanted to share this message because, while this sermon focuses on the homeless population, I believe that the spirit of it could also be applied to immigrants.  The atmosphere in the USA regarding immigrants is at best described as tense, and the way that they are treated by the people in power is downright despicable.  Therefore, I encourage you to imagine both the words “homeless” and “immigrant” in your mind’s eye while you read my words below.  God calls us to love, and you will find practical advice as to ways of loving marginalized groups among us if you continue reading!

    By: Gaelle McLoud 

    Sunday, March 17, 2024 

    Based on:   New Testament: Matthew 22: 34-40  

           Old Testament: Leviticus 19: 33-34 

    Message 

                Let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be acceptable in your sight, oh Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.  Amen.   

    I would like to begin by highlighting from the first scripture reading for us this morning, Matthew 22: 34-40, the second commandment that Jesus gives: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  On the surface, this may seem like a simple commandment.  One might think, of course I love those around me, my friends, and my family, including my church family.  However, let us dig a little deeper.  What if your neighbor was smelly and dirty?  What if your neighbor was a drug addict?  What if your neighbor was living a life opposite to yours, a life you could not even imagine?  Would you still be willing to love your neighbor?  Today, I am going to focus on our neighbors who are homeless.   

                You might be wondering why I chose the passage from Leviticus this morning, and be curious as to the relationship to the homeless.  “When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them.  The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born.  Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt.  I am the Lord your God.” Leviticus 19: 33-34. The Leviticus passage refers to our neighbors who are, “aliens,” or, “foreigners.”  One of the Google definitions of foreigner is, “a person not belonging to a particular place or group; a stranger or outsider.”  Certainly, one could think of homeless people as not belonging to a particular place, and many consider them to be strangers and outsiders.  And yet, in Leviticus as well as in Matthew, God commands us to love them.    

                Here is how I began to love my homeless neighbors.  In early 2017, I started attending a new church located in Charlton, Massachusetts.  I prayed to God to direct me towards His will, and I felt a strong calling on my heart to minister to the homeless.  I thought about how I might get involved with mission work, and I remembered that my dad had been connected to a church called the Worcester Fellowship.  The Worcester Fellowship is an outdoor church located in Worcester, Massachusetts that meets every Sunday afternoon, no matter what the weather, to provide a Christian worship service, and brown bag lunches and men’s white crew socks to the homeless population.  Their mission statement is: Worcester Fellowship is dedicated to ending isolation by nurturing community and providing pastoral care. We welcome everyone, we are an outdoor church, we reach out to homeless and at-risk adults and we believe God loves us now.  I attended a Worcester Fellowship Service for the first time in the spring of 2017, and felt transformed and brought alive by the experience.  God’s love and light were palpable at the service.  I spoke to my home church in Charlton, and we signed up to begin donating brown bag lunches and men’s white crew socks to the Worcester Fellowship on every other month throughout the year. The pictures on the power point are of a Worcester Fellowship gathering on the common in Worcester, Massachusetts, on Christmas Eve 2017.   

                Many people think of the homeless population as set apart, and have trouble connecting to them.  However, anyone, anytime can become homeless.  There are many reasons for homelessness, including job loss, PTSD due to military service, or high medical bills that lead to eviction when one cannot pay their rent.  This could be you.  It was almost me.  Let me tell you a true story from my own life.  When I was quite young, 20 years old, I had dropped out of college due to health problems, and I had no money and nowhere to live except with my parents back at their home.  I faced the reality of becoming homeless, though, because I was not sober, and my parents did not want me to live with them when I was an active alcoholic.  I had to decide to try to get sober and attend AA meetings, or else I was on the streets.  I will never forget how close I came to homelessness.   

                In addition to my own experience with housing insecurity, I have learned a lot about homeless persons while volunteering with the Worcester Fellowship.  Here is a question for us to ponder: What can we as Christians do to show God’s love and mercy to the homeless population?  Here are three answers to that question that we can all employ when we interact with those who are homeless or disadvantaged.   

                First, show compassion.  One of the best ways to show God’s compassion to others is to simply listen to them.  Start up a conversation with someone who may be out of your comfort zone and listen to them talk about their life and their experiences.  This action will go a long way towards making the person feel loved.  Consider carrying Dunkin gift cards to offer to those who are begging when you see them. 

                Second, treat the homeless as equals.  Do not be afraid of those who are different from you.  For example, during a Worcester Fellowship service there is a time for the passing of the peace of Christ, as with many church services.  It is important to walk right up to your neighbor and wish them God’s peace and shake their hand.  When you see a homeless person on the street holding up a sign, make eye contact with them and smile and if they ask you for something, offer the Dunkin gift card you have been carrying with you.  God loves all His children equally, and we need to mirror that love. 

                Third, Christians must challenge societal norms that dictate that we must ostracize and exile those who are different and suffering.  Jesus set the example for us with the way he lived his life.  Jesus associated with tax collectors and prostitutes, in other words, sinners and those cast out by society.  Jesus healed and touched lepers, as well as saved and loved all of us, despite our circumstances.  Welcome those who are homeless and disadvantaged to your church, and pray for ways that you can improve their lives for the better.  One way that this church loves the homeless is by collecting money to purchase socks for them, and this gift can go a long way towards brightening someone’s day. 

                Jesus calls us to love each other, let us change the world one act of love at a time.  Amen. 

    Thank you for reading!  I have included the links for The Worcester Fellowship, as well as a local NH homeless advocacy group called Hundred Nights.  Please pray about how you may support them!  Also: The photos are from a Worcester Fellowship gathering in 2017, which is referenced in the sermon.  

    God Bless and Good Health, G. 

    Worcester Fellowship

    hundrednightsinc.org

  • Gratitude on my 39th Birthday

    Today is my 39th birthday, and, appropriately, the 30th blog entry of The Ladybug.  Wow, my last year of my 30’s has arrived! I have some reflections.  My first and initial reaction is: how the fuck did time pass so quickly?!  I thought I was just barely learning to be an adult and now I think I am officially a grown-up!  I live independently in my own apartment and manage my own money and drive my own car.  However, that said, I still need a lot of support to cope with this thing called life, as we all do.  It takes a village. None of us can exist alone in a vacuum, especially if you are an extrovert like me.  I am fortunate and blessed to have many good friends and loving family connections.  In addition, I receive excellent professional care for my struggles.  What I want to convey most in this post is how grateful I am for the beautiful life God has granted me!!  

    In honor of the gorgeous sunny fall day that has greeted me on my birthday, I want to share a top 5 gratitude list: 

    1: God is Good!  My faith is the most important thing in my life.  No matter how badly life seems to be going, I know that God will not abandon me.  I firmly believe that God loves me and works all things for my good (Romans 8:28).  I never have to fear, because in the end it will all be okay, and if it is not okay, then it is not the end. God has the ultimate control.  This belief set allows me to face every difficulty in my life, and we all know that life is not always easy.  May you, reader, be blessed, no matter what you are facing.  God is Good. 

    2: Love is a blessing.  While my romantic endeavors have never been super successful, which I do not plan to discuss in this blog, I have never had any lack of love in my life.  Love can come from many different places.  For example, my parents have raised me in a loving and supportive home.  My friends always rally around me when life is hard and make me laugh when life is good.  My extended family is kind and generous.  I could not ask for more love.  It is truly all around me! (Aww, so corny!)  

    3: I have always been blessed to have my basic needs met, including food, clean water, medical care, and shelter.  This is not the case for so many others in our country and across the world.  I know that leaner times are coming due to the direction of our current leadership in America, but I am still grateful.  I feel a deep connection to the homeless and to those in prisons because I have never known that pain.  I have been spared many heartaches.  Everyone suffers in this life; however, the degree of suffering varies.  I’m aware that my trials have been limited.   

    4: I have been exposed to the arts in a meaningful way.  I love watching ballet and listening to all forms of music.  In the past, I have experimented with creating paintings and collages.  Photography has always been a passion of mine, and I still enjoy capturing as many photos as possible.  Singing along to a favorite tune lifts my heart when I feel blue.  Visiting art museums and experiencing the genius of others has been a true gift.  Plays and film are also other art forms that I enjoy.  It is a true luxury to watch many differing movies, TV shows, and live theater performances.  Creativity is a beautiful expression of the human experience. 

    5: Writing.  Whether journaling, blogging, or working on my surprise project, writing feeds my soul in a special way.  In addition, I have been blessed to attend more than one university and to learn to improve my writing.  I dream of one day becoming a successful published author.  Let us not also forget the luxury of being able to read.  Many around the world, and in the USA, are illiterate, even if they do wish to read.  Writing and reading are blessings that I hope to remember to never take for granted.  In this theme, I would like to offer some advice: read a banned book while you still can!  There is an attack on works of quality literature now, and I feel compelled to urge all of my readers to use your minds and rebel!  That is my act of political defiance for the day!  

    As I turn the corner from “young adult” to “middle age,” I feel so much more confident in my own skin.  I know what I want, and I will not tolerate BS from anyone.  I have become a successful self-advocate, which is a crucial skill when one has physical and mental health issues like I experience.  Never be afraid to stand up for yourself!  I still have a way to go with my self-esteem and self-confidence, but both are in much better paces than when I turned 29 years old.  One final piece of advice from me to you: do not be afraid to seek help.  It may mean the difference between misery and survival.  More than that, life should be about thriving, not barely hanging on and surviving.  So, find a way to thrive, even if things feel messy.  Choose one small thing to accomplish and do it well.  Life is precious and fleeting, live it up!  And, of course, my favorite phrase to say, NEVER give up!!  Happy Birthday to me and thank you to all my readers for allowing me into your thoughts.  May you thrive and be happy!  With Peace, G. 

    PS This photo is me at home today, casual and relaxed at 39!