The Ladybug

Tag: Health

  • Strength Inside the Struggle

    Today is a holiday, Valentine’s Day, and many are enjoying dates with their partners and the thrill of a special evening approaching. However, I will be honest that that is not my reality today. Why? Because, I am sick today. My chronic illnesses are in a flare. So, I thought I’d give you a look at what that is like for me, instead of pretending that my life is roses. This entry is not meant as a pity party, merely to give the average healthy person a glimpse into my world.

         I have been diagnosed with what is casually known as “the trifecta.” This includes hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome), POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), and MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome). I encourage you to Google them, because these are complex chronic illnesses that have no cure, and make the lives of those who suffer from them pretty damn miserable! Basically, I struggle with a multitude of symptoms, including chronic fatigue and chronic pain. I take 20 medications a day in an attempt to manage the symptoms, but nothing is super effective. These medications also include the ones I take for my mental illness diagnoses. However, I have written previously about my chronic mental illness diagnoses, and they are not the topic of this post.

         I began having health problems as a child, and I have always been “sickly.” It has been a long journey of tears, unsuccessful treatments, surgeries, trips to the ER, and doctors telling me that I was crazy before I finally got the correct physical diagnoses. They came from a combination of an Integrative Medicine doctor in Northampton, MA and a few specialists in Boston, MA.  The trip to reach answers was long and difficult.

         Once I was properly diagnosed, I had a lot to process. On the one hand, I was relieved, and on the other hand, I was completely overwhelmed with facing what I now knew would be a lifetime of being sick. In early 2025, I began seeing a health psychologist for a special kind of therapy to help me learn how to live better and cope with the new knowledge. He has been extremely helpful. However, it has also been a challenging process to relearn how to balance my daily activities so as to better preserve my health.

         You see, I have always been an active person. I have always enjoyed setting goals for physical activities and participating in charity walks. As a younger person, I rode horses competitively and did jumping at horse shows, as well as dressage. I once dreamed of being a horse trainer. In addition, I had a passion for running as a young woman and enjoyed lifting weights at the local gym. My attitude was always to push through and keep going.

         BUT, as I have progressed through life, so have my illnesses progressed. All of those activities I loved to do my body can no longer support. Not surprisingly, this has left me with a ton of mental grief to process, and a lot of anger. So, now we come to the reason for the photograph I chose for today’s entry, which is me walking with my cane. Thankfully, I do not need the cane every day yet, but I do need it more and more. In addition, I occasionally have even needed a walker when in a really bad flare of illness. I have just turned 39 years old, and this seems incredibly unfair to me!

         How do I cope? Not great. Honestly, I have to spend a lot of time lying on the couch or bed and simply resting. Netflix and my DVD player have become necessities. I will say it: I hate resting. I crave a busy and productive life, and I wish my body would let me do more. I’m no expert still on living with chronic illness and dealing with the physical and mental pain. I just keep going. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and being grateful for the good days when I get to accomplish something meaningful.

                For example, I transferred to Westfield State University in the Fall 2021 semester, after not doing college course work for 14 years. It has been difficult, but I have now completed 11 courses at WSU with an overall GPA of 3.8. In addition, I enjoy volunteering at my local church. This year there was a high of being a worship leader for the Christmas Eve service. Mission work for the less fortunate in our society is also a passion of mine, and I feel fulfilled when I can help local charities. And, family and friend time is precious to me. I love to be social, even if it means resting afterwards. All of these blessings make my life purposeful. 

        I encourage you to be grateful, just as I try to be grateful, for the wonderful moments in life! We all struggle with something, and the best comeback is to see how God has blessed us. I try to be positive, even when it’s rough, and know that I’m never alone. My family, friends, and Faith guide me through. May my story inspire you to see your own strengths inside the struggle, and NEVER give up!!

         With Resilience, G.

  • Gratitude on my 39th Birthday

    Today is my 39th birthday, and, appropriately, the 30th blog entry of The Ladybug.  Wow, my last year of my 30’s has arrived! I have some reflections.  My first and initial reaction is: how the fuck did time pass so quickly?!  I thought I was just barely learning to be an adult and now I think I am officially a grown-up!  I live independently in my own apartment and manage my own money and drive my own car.  However, that said, I still need a lot of support to cope with this thing called life, as we all do.  It takes a village. None of us can exist alone in a vacuum, especially if you are an extrovert like me.  I am fortunate and blessed to have many good friends and loving family connections.  In addition, I receive excellent professional care for my struggles.  What I want to convey most in this post is how grateful I am for the beautiful life God has granted me!!  

    In honor of the gorgeous sunny fall day that has greeted me on my birthday, I want to share a top 5 gratitude list: 

    1: God is Good!  My faith is the most important thing in my life.  No matter how badly life seems to be going, I know that God will not abandon me.  I firmly believe that God loves me and works all things for my good (Romans 8:28).  I never have to fear, because in the end it will all be okay, and if it is not okay, then it is not the end. God has the ultimate control.  This belief set allows me to face every difficulty in my life, and we all know that life is not always easy.  May you, reader, be blessed, no matter what you are facing.  God is Good. 

    2: Love is a blessing.  While my romantic endeavors have never been super successful, which I do not plan to discuss in this blog, I have never had any lack of love in my life.  Love can come from many different places.  For example, my parents have raised me in a loving and supportive home.  My friends always rally around me when life is hard and make me laugh when life is good.  My extended family is kind and generous.  I could not ask for more love.  It is truly all around me! (Aww, so corny!)  

    3: I have always been blessed to have my basic needs met, including food, clean water, medical care, and shelter.  This is not the case for so many others in our country and across the world.  I know that leaner times are coming due to the direction of our current leadership in America, but I am still grateful.  I feel a deep connection to the homeless and to those in prisons because I have never known that pain.  I have been spared many heartaches.  Everyone suffers in this life; however, the degree of suffering varies.  I’m aware that my trials have been limited.   

    4: I have been exposed to the arts in a meaningful way.  I love watching ballet and listening to all forms of music.  In the past, I have experimented with creating paintings and collages.  Photography has always been a passion of mine, and I still enjoy capturing as many photos as possible.  Singing along to a favorite tune lifts my heart when I feel blue.  Visiting art museums and experiencing the genius of others has been a true gift.  Plays and film are also other art forms that I enjoy.  It is a true luxury to watch many differing movies, TV shows, and live theater performances.  Creativity is a beautiful expression of the human experience. 

    5: Writing.  Whether journaling, blogging, or working on my surprise project, writing feeds my soul in a special way.  In addition, I have been blessed to attend more than one university and to learn to improve my writing.  I dream of one day becoming a successful published author.  Let us not also forget the luxury of being able to read.  Many around the world, and in the USA, are illiterate, even if they do wish to read.  Writing and reading are blessings that I hope to remember to never take for granted.  In this theme, I would like to offer some advice: read a banned book while you still can!  There is an attack on works of quality literature now, and I feel compelled to urge all of my readers to use your minds and rebel!  That is my act of political defiance for the day!  

    As I turn the corner from “young adult” to “middle age,” I feel so much more confident in my own skin.  I know what I want, and I will not tolerate BS from anyone.  I have become a successful self-advocate, which is a crucial skill when one has physical and mental health issues like I experience.  Never be afraid to stand up for yourself!  I still have a way to go with my self-esteem and self-confidence, but both are in much better paces than when I turned 29 years old.  One final piece of advice from me to you: do not be afraid to seek help.  It may mean the difference between misery and survival.  More than that, life should be about thriving, not barely hanging on and surviving.  So, find a way to thrive, even if things feel messy.  Choose one small thing to accomplish and do it well.  Life is precious and fleeting, live it up!  And, of course, my favorite phrase to say, NEVER give up!!  Happy Birthday to me and thank you to all my readers for allowing me into your thoughts.  May you thrive and be happy!  With Peace, G. 

    PS This photo is me at home today, casual and relaxed at 39!

  • Perfectionism Part 2: My Truth and 10 Coping Skills for Depression

    I like to ask myself the question: How is it with my soul?  This is not a phrase unique to me, but one that I have heard from many religious leaders throughout my life.  Unfortunately, the truth of the answer to that question in my life is often messy.  Life is tough, and I find that there seems to always be a struggle.  However, there is another question I frequently ask myself that goes along with the first one: How do I want to appear on social media?  I VERY rarely tell the truth of the answer to question 1 when I consider the answer to question 2.  Social media seems to be too often a place for me to hide and deceive, rather than to be honest and raw.  No one sees the scars.  No one sees anything wrong.  I am perfect. 

                Well, today I want to pull the curtain back slightly and discuss a topic close to my heart which is mental health.  Yesterday, October 10th, was #Worldmentalhealthday and while I posted a nice photo and cute caption to my Instagram and Facebook accounts, I really was not sharing much.  Mental health has been a struggle for me since I was quite young, but the stigma surrounding it has often stopped me from dialoging openly about my experiences.  As I have shared on The Ladybug, my blog, I have been ill with a physical disease from a tick bite since mid-April 2025, and the journey to recovery has been a rough one.  What I have not said is the way this disease has changed my mental abilities.  Let’s talk about it.

                I have become extremely anxious and much more depressed since I got sick in April.  In addition, I have horrible bouts of brain fog and cognitive confusion that make it difficult for me to do my college schoolwork and do it well.  For the sake of this blog, I want to focus on talking about my depression.  I am extremely sensitive to medications for depression, and so, unfortunately, that line of treatment is unavailable to me.  I must rely mainly on lifestyle changes and coping skills learned in therapy to treat the symptoms.  This is very difficult.  I wish so much that there was a magic cure for the darkness that creeps into my mind.  I must thank my parents who have been Super supportive throughout my struggle, and my friends who have prayed for me.  God is Good, and I am not alone.

                While acknowledging the deep pain of difficult to treat depression, I also want to focus on all the many ways to attack this mental illness.  Here are some of the ways that I have been coping:

    1. Talking to a professional therapist and psychiatrist.  It is helpful for me to have an objective professional hear me discuss what is happening and support me with cognitive behavioral therapy sessions.  In addition, I see a Nurse Practitioner for extra support.
    2. Taking time to study the Bible and connect with God while journaling and listening to music.  This is my “Spirit Time,” and it sustains my soul with the light I need.
    3. Walks with the family dog outside in the sunlight, preferably through the woods.  Nature combined with gentle exercise can be quite healing.
    4. Looking at a relaxing magazine or loosing myself in a funny light-hearted book.  This changes my mental scenery.
    5. Not going on social media too much, and only remaining on sites that support my soul.  For example, I love ballet posts on Instagram, as well as inspirational Christian posts.
    6. Trying to keep eating and hydrating.  I tend to stop eating when I am depressed, and good nutrition is crucial.  In addition, staying sober, and only drinking favorite things like black coffee and matcha lattes is important!
    7. Talking!  I must not loose contact with those who love me!  I know I am not alone, and friendship and family, including church family, is a lovely tonic. 
    8. Writing.  You, readers, are a support for me as well, even if you did not know it.  I find a great deal of purpose through my writing, and typing away my crazy thoughts on The Ladybug, or the book I am currently writing, is quite meaningful.
    9. NEVER GIVE UP!!!  Putting that on repeat. NEVER GIVE UP!!!  Amen!
    10. Take it 5 minutes at a time when things get bad; every 24 hours is a victory!

    It was helpful for me to review these skills as I typed, and my hope is to help others. 

    My social media platforms show smiles non-stop, but I want those who struggle to know that it is okay not to be perfect, because I certainly am not!!  I have deeper thoughts and deeper pain that is a real and sometimes everyday burden.  You are not alone.  God is an ever-present help, just ask! 

    I also want to share that if someone is reading this and feels in crisis, please call 988, the national hotline.  Or visit www.afsp.org  

    The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is a great resource for support!!

    Blessings my friends! Thank you for sharing the truth with me. G.

  • Walking for a Cause: Upcoming Challenge

    Hello Readers!  Welcome to my Fall 2025 walking challenge for a Great cause!  If you have been following The Ladybug, you may know that I love to spend time in nature and walk for exercise.  Recently, this aspect of my life has become difficult due to illness.  However, I am determined to be resilient!  I have been re-building my endurance slowly but steadily with joyful movement.  The upcoming fall weather is my favorite time of year to enjoy nature, and every little walk outside is progress.

                Today, I joined the Faith Warriors Team to participate in the Out of the Darkness Central Massachusetts Walk to benefit The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP).  This organization is a cause dear to my heart, as I have struggled with mental illness personally.  There were times in my life when I contemplated giving up, and I am so grateful that I am still alive!  Through the assistance of family, friends, and professionals, I lead a beautiful life today!  The AFSP offers support to those who struggle with suicidal ideation, as well as their families and the families of loved ones lost to suicide.  In my case, I have also found my faith in God to be a healing and strong influence on my mental well-being. 

    I have used my blog, The Ladybug, to occasionally address more personal matters such as illness and recovery, and I hope that I may continue to inspire others to reflect on the positives and blessings in life.  I know that times are hard, which is even more of a reason to join and celebrate the little joys of everyday life.  If you feel so called, please follow the link below to my walk participation page and sponsor me.  All proceeds benefit the AFSP.  Let us see the beauty despite the darkness. 

    Sending Love to All, G.

    https://afspwalks.donordrive.com/participant/Gaelle-McLoud-2025

  • The Ugly Truth of Before/After Pictures: It’s Not What You Think?!

    Trigger Warning: In this post I am breaking some rules of the eating disorder (ED) recovery world, because I am showing a photo, hoping to prove a point.  However, if you are in recovery, please proceed with caution. 

    This is my own personal before and after photo:

    The picture on the left is from December 2022, and the picture on the right is from July 20, 2025.  The obvious difference is my weight loss.  Many people, both strangers and those closer to me, have complimented me on how “good” I look currently.  The implication is that smaller=better.  I would argue that American society is obsessed with thinness in women.  Somehow, we are supposed to strive for thinness constantly, and, if necessary, torture ourselves to get there.  BUT, does smaller=healthy?  Does smaller=happy?  Should smaller=goals?

                Let’s clear this up!  I want to dive into the weight loss debate by sharing the story behind my own before/after picture.  In the first “overweight” picture, I was on my way back recovering from an illness of Covid-19.  I was staying at my parents’ house during the Christmas holiday.  I was eating delicious, homecooked, and scrumptious meals prepared by my talented Mom.  My body was feeling stronger and in a good healing place.  I was enjoying walks with my Dad and the family dog.  Most importantly, I was HAPPY!  My body was not my only obsessive concern.  Life was going okay.  The status of my ED was, “under control.” 

                Now, fast-forward to today’s current photo.  I am not healthy.  My body has been through a lot this year.  My chronic illnesses have been in a flare.  In addition, I’ve had a horrible tick-borne illness and a severe bronchitis.  It feels like one thing after another.  More recently, my GI issues have flared, and eating is a battle.  This problem with food includes nausea and vomiting, as well as some new un-treated problems.  I have begun the healing process with a new team of doctors, but it is progressing slowly.  I am damn miserable!  I can not enjoy my Mom’s food.  I can not eat my favorite dishes or savor my coffee.  Yuck!

                SO, which scenario sounds like a better way to live?  I would honestly choose option number one that I described, and the accompanying photo.  Unfortunately, that is not the feedback I have received from the general public, as well as medical professionals, and even friends and family.  When I weighed more, my doctor was always telling me about the outdated BMI scale, and urging me to lose weight.  In addition, the amount of attention I received from potential romantic/sexual partners decreased when I weighed more.  No more whistles, no more date offers, and no more of that sweet sizzling tension in the air.  I had, “let myself go.”  Now that I am “attractive” again, I can feel the eyes back on me.  I am not trying to sound vain in these observations, it is just the simple truth about the way beauty and sexual attraction is viewed in the USA.  Celebrities are under the same pressure, especially women.  When females are in the spotlight, they have a microscope on their bodies, constantly urging them to get smaller and more toned. 

                What is the solution?  I will say an in-joke from my family, but perhaps you, readers, will like it too: “Fuck them if they can’t take a joke!”  Do not care what other people think about your body, care only about your own health/happiness.  There are so many more real markers of health which indicate a life well-lived than what shape your hips are.  Do you have friends who love you?  Family that supports you?  A partner who respects you?  Those blessings are worth their “weight” in GOLD.  I know these truths due to personal experience with both the abundance and lack of these treasures. 

    I am not a doctor, but after 20 years of being diagnosed with an eating disorder, I can tell you that being fat is connected to very few actual health risks.  You do not need to “lose the belly-fat.”  In fact, women are supposed to have soft tummies so they can have babies.  And what is more beautiful or joyful than bringing new life into this world?  Ladies, please be gentle on yourselves, look on your curves as gifts.  I know it is not always easy when the, “wellness,” industry is pushing against the truths I am presenting, but beauty does not need to be so narrowly defined. 

    In closing, I want to offer a hope that after reading this rather controversial post, you will begin to think through a little more the ways you are judging appearances.  I include in this statement both your own appearance, and that of those around you.  Although my post is targeted mainly for women, it can also be for other genders.  The pressure to be thin is on all, and I want to make sure I recognize that there is room for multiple definitions of gender.  So, have a good think now, and see how you can rebel against the diet and wellness communities.  They are trying to sell you products for an unattainable shape.  I think the only shape that truly matters is happiness.  Try that one on and check the fit!

    With Boldness, G.  

  • Restorative Walking: A Personal Journey

    Walking is such a wonderful activity, and full of many different benefits!  I do not take my ability to partake in this gift lightly!  And walking truly is a gift, as it allows one to exercise in a gentle way.  If you have read The Ladybug this year, you may already know that I feel especially connected to the Spirit of God while in nature and moving my body.  I also like to partake in charity walks to raise money for worthy organizations that do good in our imperfect world.  In addition, walking with a friend, family member, or group, is a blessed way to be in community and form connections.  I could go on and on about the benefits of walking, but I want to get a little more personal with my readers today about my 2025 walking journey.

                Walking is, in general, a little more difficult for me than for the “average” person.  I have been diagnosed with POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardic Syndrome) and hEDS (hypermobile sub-type Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome).  Both illnesses affect an individual’s ability to exercise.  However, I persist with a routine of walking and yoga as a way of maintaining healthy and joyful movement in my life.  The year 2025 began with a blast, with my body being strong enough to complete the American Cancer Society 31-Mile Challenge in January.  I walked 42 miles in the month of January, while raising money to fight cancer. 

                As the year continued, I began to feel a bit like I was struggling with my health.  I completed less mileage in the months of February and March.  Half-way through March 2025, I became ill with a bad bronchitis and lay in bed feeling sorry for myself.  In April 2025, I woke up on Easter Sunday extremely ill with a tick-borne illness like Malaria.  If you want more details on that experience in my life, see my former Ladybug post I’m Back! Let’s Talk Honestly About Anxiety and Faith.  By the end of May 2025, I was barely walking down to the mailbox. 

                Facing a huge deficit in my physical stamina for walking and getting outdoors for exercise has been hard on my mental health as well.  As the month of June began, I was determined I would regain my strength.  Gently, I began with restorative yoga practices.  Then, walking 0.50 miles up and down the sidewalk near my apartment building.  When I was visiting my parents’ home, I walked short distances with the family dog.  I carefully stayed under a mile at first until I felt strong enough to barely reach that distance. 

                It seemed that my fitness was on an up-swing, but the universe had other plans!  In early July, I was admitted to the hospital on a med/surge floor for testing and the procedures set me back yet again.  When one has POTS and hEDS, it is harder to recover from “normal” testing which other individuals may bounce back from.  I left the hospital on shaky legs, walking with a cane.  I do not want to complain too much at this point, because let me be clear that walking is a privilege.  Even with the set-back, I knew I was still blessed.  So, the journey now starts again to gain momentum and stamina.

                I would like to choose a charity walk in the Fall 2025 to plan to complete.  It will be beneficial to have a goal to train for as I navigate the difficulties this year has thrown at me, and may continue to provide.  Please comment your suggestions!!  I live in New England, but virtual walks are welcome, too!  Last October 2024, I completed a 10K distance virtual walk for The Jimmy Fund.  I would like to choose a walk with a good cause.  My walking journeys are never all about me.  I like to use my body, in whatever shape she is in, to spread love to others.  I hope that my passion for sticking to it and not giving up will inspire you as well.  Think of a cause you love and find a walk/run/hike/roll that you can accomplish!! 

                In Progress, G.

    PS The photo below is of me walking the family dog today.  I completed 1.03 miles! 

  • When my Spirit is in the Desert

    Confession: I am in a spiritual desert.  Perhaps you can relate.  Does the spirit just not feel quite as alive within you?  Well, that is my experience.  The major cause for me personally is stress!!!  I would love to believe that I am such a great Christian as to not drift away from God during intense periods of stress, but who am I kidding??  When life is hard or unfair, I blame God.  In my anger I step further and further away from Him.  It may be a childish reaction.  It may only make my circumstances more difficult.  And…it may lead to the desert.  Then I am alone and struggling. 

                So, what is the easy solution?  There is none!  But opening my eyes and looking around at my desert surroundings is the first step.  I must realize that my toes are sinking in the sand.  The desert is vast and mysterious.  The first step is admitting that I’ve wandered there.  If I stay in denial about my spiritual health, then God is unable to heal the relationship with me.  Let me be very clear about one fact: God never steps away from us; we step away from Him.  God always desires a loving and close bond with those He created.  God never causes bad things to happen to His beloved.  Instead, God longs for our relationship with Him to aid us in conquering the stress of a broken world. 

                The next step is sticking true to your personal spiritual rituals Even while you are in the desert.  For example, if you connect with God in nature, then take a walk!  If you connect with God through music, then lift your voice or other instrument!  If you find God in art, then dance or paint!  Never Give Up!  The key to finding your way through the desert spiritually is to keep on trudging under the sun’s hot rays.  Staying true to your passions connects you to the Spirit of Love.  In turn, the Spirit intercedes for you with God, as described in Romans 8:26-27 in the Bible.  I like to paraphrase this Scripture as such: the Spirit is a friend inside your heart that can relate to God what your thoughts and yearnings contain, all without words. 

                Ultimately, re-establishing a connection with God is the best tool for surviving the deep desert that we all may experience from time-to-time.  Therefore, a third tip I will share is that trying something new in your spiritual routine or coping skills set is a great way to re-gain that connection.  For example, in March 2024, I began volunteering to be a worship leader and sermon preacher at a local church.  Previously, I mostly volunteered doing mission work, which I loved.  However, I have now found that I have a passion for delivering sermons and organizing prayers.  I feel the Joy of God when I engage in these activities.  I find leading worship to be challenging and exciting as well.  I would not have felt these wonderful feelings if I was afraid to try something new!

                In addition, I want to make space for the fact that sometimes, engaging in new spiritual activities that require a healthy body or mind are not possible.  I, myself, have experienced this reality recently.  I have been struggling physically with a severe tick-borne illness, as well as the mental stress that results.  If you are depressed, or facing any other mental health emergency, please seek professional support. I am blessed to benefit from an excellent support system of professional mental health care.  Also, I would advise some other types of low-key forms of exercise.  Some types I have used include: a stationary-bike, a yoga mat, and 2lbs weights that allow me to “work-out” gently.  Movement can be beneficial for both chronic medical and mental illnesses.  I find that moving my body, even slowly, connects me to God.

                I will close by saying that though the journey is tough, it is worth it!  God is a beautiful constant in a world of chaos.  Draw close to Him, even if you are stressed, and He will respond.  Keep Going on the road of faith!  The desert is cruel and dusty, but even Jesus walked there, and with the aid of His Father in Heaven, Jesus walked out into eternal glory.  He will help you out of desert living as well!    

                In Living Water, G.

    PS: A picture of my time writing to you, Ladybug readers!!!

  • I’m Back! Let’s Talk Honestly About Anxiety and Faith

    I feel anxious.  I have been anxious all day.  Do you ever feel anxious?  It is hard for me to understand my anxiety, and even harder to control it.  I used to apply various substances as balms for my anxious mental health: cigarettes, alcoholic drinks, and benzodiazepine pills.  However, I now keep to a strict sober lifestyle.  So, what to do?  Over the years, psychologists have had me try all the usual “healthy” interventions, such as cognitive behavioral therapy or yoga and meditation.  And, yes, yoga and guided meditation are tools that I use on a regular basis.  However, when the anxiety is high and my system is on alert, these milder aids do nothing for me.   I need to invoke that which is higher.

                Prayer.  Praying is the ultimate soothing release for my anxious tendencies.  These prayers are messy and unfiltered.  They sometimes are not even coherent sentences or words.  God knows exactly what I need before I pray about it, and when I reach towards Him, the relief comes quickly.  It is amazing to me that I worship a God who loves me so much that He accepts all my worries and concerns, whether large or small.  Everything is okay, I can turn it over to the One who is really in charge.  Thank God! 

                Perhaps you find my approach to simple?  Do you doubt that prayers whispered in urgency can really relieve tough anxious pain?  You are not alone, I used to feel that way, too.  My faith as a young adult in my early 20’s was pretty much non-existent.  I was going through a challenging time with my mental wellbeing, and I thought God had abandoned me.  There were many moments when I wanted to give up.  However, through the love of my family and friends, and the support of professionals, I survived.  My faith in God began to resurface, and I started a long journey back to being a believer in Christ.  Many times, my faith has been tested over the years.  There have been scary times with both my physical and mental health.  But God has always saved and protected me.  In gratitude I have turned my life over to Him. 

    For example, my recent long absence from this blog, The Ladybug, was due to a serious physical illness.  I woke up April 20, 2025, Easter Sunday, and was dreadfully sick.  The eventual diagnosis was a tick-borne illness similar to Malaria, and I was placed on lots of medication and rest.  I needed help to do everything, because my abilities with basic living were impacted.  I have taken a long break from posting current photos of myself online, due to the full-body rash that itched and bothered me.  I struggled with a constant fever and abdominal pain on both sides of my chest.  Part of my relapse with anxiety is a consequence of the illness as well, because it attacks the nervous system.  Perhaps the worst symptom has been the fatigue and exhaustion, which I can only compare to how I felt when I had covid-19.  All to say, it would have been so easy to give up on God and just get mad at the situation I was in. 

    But instead, my faith is what got me through, and is continuing to sustain me through, all these recent tough days!  God is Good!  He loves me and longs to be in relationship with me, talking through prayer and devotion.  Again, He surrounded me with loving people, my parents, and doctors, and I was never alone.  Yes, I had moments of self-pity and despair, but overall, my feeling is one of gratitude for God’s great gift of life.  I hope my story can inspire you to try saying a prayer.  Are you anxious?  Are you unhappy?  Going through a struggle?  Pray.  Whisper a few words to the maker of the universe, and wait to hear His whisper back.  We are never alone, and there is no problem in this life that Jesus has not already walked through.  Let go and trust.  Reach out and He will hold you close in return.

    Wishing You Peace, G.

    PS I am still in recovery from the tick-borne illness, but stay tuned to The Ladybug!  New posts will be going up!!  Thank you to my readers!

  • Can I Comment on Your Body?

    In the American media, how many times have you read comments about the bodies of celebrities?  She is too fat, he is jacked, she needs Ozempic, and the classic, she looks sick!  Reporters, influencers, and everyday people all seem to feel entitled to make judgments about the body shape and size of anyone who dares to step in front of a camera’s flashbulb.  In addition, this attitude of criticizing bodies translates to personal examples in the lives of ordinary people.  I, personally, have been told both that I was obese, and how great I looked when I lost a substantial amount of weight.  My question is: why is my body any of your business?  How dare anyone busy themselves with considering my shape and appearance.  How dare they torture famous women and men with harassing comments only meant to criticize.  So, as my own protest to these actions, let us consider here in The Ladybug a little education on body image.

                First, I would like to state the obvious: bodies come in all forms and sizes.  There is no one body that is better than any other.  The term, “fat,” should not be considered an insult.  The look of thinness should not be considered an ideal.  Why should we let society dictate how we feel about our own bodies?  The only thing that matters is the health of our bodies.  This should not be determined by the BMI (Body Mass Index), but by measures such as blood pressure and lab tests.  If your body is healthy and functioning correctly, your weight and shape should be accepted as beautiful no matter the number on the scale.  The diversity in bodies is something to celebrate!  It would be terribly boring if we all looked the same.  So, why do we try to force our poor bodies to conform to an image that is expected of us.  Women, specifically, are taught to shrink themselves into America’s vision of beauty.  I say, let your body find its happy set point, the size where it wants to maintain itself naturally, and enjoy.  Your unique body is a gift, embrace it!

                Second, you may be asking yourself how I can speak so freely about the diversity in bodies.  Perhaps, you might wonder if I do not feel the pressure to look acceptable.  However, let me assure you that I have come to this rebellious standpoint on body image through my own struggles.  I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 20 years old, after I fell into the behaviors of a serious eating disorder at age 18.  I am still not fully recovered from my eating disorder 20 years later, but I am committed to the fight.  For years, I cycled through hospital hallways and the offices of dieticians.  Sometimes, it felt like I would never make peace with food, and there seemed to be no escape.  One must eat every day to stay alive, and, so, I confronted my eating disorder at mealtimes and felt its cruel thoughts that rocked my mind.  But, little by little, the therapies I was receiving and the supports of family and friends began to make a difference in my healing.  In addition, as my faith in God deepened, I realized that I was not alone in my battles with food and body image.  I have come a long way, and today I have drawn a truce with my body.  I seek to love my body and give her what she needs.  Specifically, I ask her daily what she desires, and I approach eating with an intuitive mind.  Do I love my weight?  No.  But I actively choose to not focus my energies anymore on the number I see on a scale.  It means nothing about my worth as a person, and I firmly believe that statement. 

                Third, let me give some advice.  Do NOT make comments about other people’s bodies.  Obey this rule NO Matter What!  If you want to know why someone put on weight or lost it, then say Nothing, because it is not your concern.  There are so many reasons why bodies change.  Reasons for shape changes can be aging, health concerns, eating disorders, medication side effects, etc.  The only reason to discuss someone’s weight with them is if they bring it up themselves.  Also, commenting on the weight of a pregnant woman is a no-go, they are growing a human!  Suggesting that a man or woman, “hit the gym,” is also completely unacceptable.  There are many forms of movement and exercise, and one should choose movement that is joyful and provides happiness.  I, myself, need to rest a lot due to my chronic health problems, and I am not physically able to maintain a strict exercise regime.  Society would like me to feel guilty about this fact, however, I refuse to force my body to do something she is not capable of just so that I may fit in.  When it comes to health advice, leave it to a trained medical professional.  Commenting on body image, exercise, and weight loss/gain is never a smart idea.

                In conclusion, I would like to reach out to my sisters and brothers who are struggling with eating disorders.  It is a difficult road, and treatment is not always affordable.  Many suffer in silence.  Please, if you are experiencing trouble with eating or negative body image, reach out for help through any means available.  Eating disorders are serious and deadly.  However, breaking the stigma and ending the silent suffering of those who experience any type of disordered eating is crucial.  If you are a family member or friend of someone with an eating disorder, my advice is to love them and stand by them.  They need your support and healing presence.  I have linked below The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) and The Multi-Service Eating Disorders Association, INC (MEDA).  I have personally received assistance from both organizations, and I can recommend their support services. 

    Finally, do not succumb to the pressures of American culture, which supports a twisted concept of body image and weight.  Instead, be a rebel, and embrace your own beautiful, wonderful, unique body with all your heart and mind.  You are already perfect, so go be authentically you!

    With Acceptance, G.

    P.S. I have displayed below a photo of myself at the 2019 NEDA Walk in Boston, MA.

    Home – National Eating Disorders Association

    MEDA Inc. | Multi-Service Eating Disorders Association

  • Permission to Rest

    I am currently typing this while curled up in bed with a warm, electric blanket, and a hot mug of coffee.  There was a major snow storm last night, and the weather has now decided to spit ice and rain.  My car is completely snowed in, and I am not going anywhere.  Therefore, I have made an executive decision that today is a rest day.  My week has been long and filled with appointments and schoolwork.  I deserve rest.  However, do I really need to earn my rest?  Or does my mind and body simply deserve rest because they exist.  Is it okay to take a rest day because I am tired, or even two rest days?  Or even a rest week?  Let us look at this idea a little more closely.

                In America, the rules of society dictate that we all work and hustle, as much as possible.  In addition, if one has a disability or health condition that requires taking life a little less intensely, then you are looked down upon by other people.  Grind, grind, grind!  That is the motto for the USA.  Whether this attitude be at your job, in your relationship, or at the gym, you are expected to always be moving forward.  Life is a proverbial rat race.  But why?  What is so wrong about slowing down?

                Let me share a little about my personal experience.  When I meet a new person, they always ask me what I do for work.  My reply is that I do not work, currently, that I am in school part-time.  This answer usually always elicits a confused look from the other person, and then the inevitable question, “Well, what do you do with your time?  Aren’t you bored?”  I find this arrogant assumption that because I do not meet with society’s standard of full-time work or full-time school, that I somehow must have no life.  The assumption is that I must be lazy, and sitting around eating chocolates all day.  My life is full of responsibilities and I often feel overwhelmed by how busy my days are, and how little time I have for rest.  My life just looks different from the norm.  I balance family obligations with health appointments and school and exercise and activities that contribute to my values system, just like anybody else. 

                So, why am I shamed for not fitting the business rules of American society?  And, if I need rest days to help my body and mind rejuvenate so that I may keep going in my life, why is that wrong?  I feel that in the USA, we have our values all wrong.  With all the emphasis on grinding and hustling, exhaustion and burn-out are inevitably to be expected.  In fact, many people are dissatisfied in their lives because they do not take time to rest.  However, I understand that rest time can be seen as an unattainable luxury to some people.  Perhaps you are a busy Mom, or a person working three jobs to make ends meet, and rest time sounds impossible.  I understand, and I do not want to discount these persons and situations.  My point is, that instead of striving to never stop moving, we should be striving to carve out little pockets of rest in our daily lives.  For example, take a longer than usual coffee break, or go for a walk on your lunch hour, or dedicate one day a week to sleeping-in by a half hour extra.  There are possibilities for adding rest, if one is creative.  Rest time is crucial to mental and physical well-being, and it is a luxury that we should be striving to make a weekly practice.

                My challenge to you is to find your happy place.  Stop and think.  Just breathe for a moment.  What small activity, or lack of activity, makes your little heart soar?  For me, I enjoy eating canned soup while curled in bed watching a favorite Netflix show, and I like to take time to do this when I feel my body telling me she is tired.  There are hundreds of possibilities for what a rest day, hour, or moment may look like for you, but make sure to carve out the time to indulge.  Your body will thank you with improved overall health.  Your mind will thank you for letting it de-stress, even for twenty minutes.  Do not run the rat race and feel you are stuck.  Instead, embrace rest time, and view it as a form of self-respect, just as important as leg-day at the gym.  My message to all my Ladybug readers: Permission to rest-GRANTED!!!

                Be Relaxed, G.