The Ladybug

Tag: Faith

  • Finding Peace Through God’s Purpose 

    Dear readers, today is a difficult day for me personally. I’m going to share some tough news, but don’t worry, I also am going to offer some positive reflections. I just emailed the documents to the university that I have attended since the Fall 2021 semester, to officially withdraw as a student without completing my degree. I am feeling quite sad about this decision. However, I also know in my core that it is the right move at this time in my life. I have been struggling with my physical health increasingly since I arrived home on the evening of Christmas 2024. I faced the tricky option of whether to take just one class in the Spring 2025 semester, which began in January 2025, and I decided to go for it. This turned out to be a mistake. 

    I began facing worse health challenges in April 2025, and they have lasted right up to today as I lay in bed typing this blog. I took an incomplete in the Spring 2025 class, and I finally finished the course, with a grade of “A,” at the end of January 2026. The deadline for finishing it was February 1st, 2026, and I came dangerously close to receiving a grade of “F” for a late completion. This last course that I took really opened my eyes to how impossible school had become for me. With increasing brain fog and debilitating fatigue, the schoolwork I once loved now felt like torture. I would read the same sentences repeatedly in my textbook, trying to understand the concepts and theories.  

    Due to the experiences with my final class, and the advice of my doctors, I typed an email to the withdrawal specialist at the university and asked her to help me leave. She sent me the appropriate pages, and as I said, I have now completed them and withdrawn from school. It feels impossible not to experience a certain sense of failure after working so hard on my degree and now not finishing it. However, perhaps these sensations are a little more emotionally charged because I have dropped out of school multiple times due to both mental and physical health. It appears that, at least for now, I can say that I am not going to achieve a bachelor’s degree. 

    BUT…wait, why do I feel like a failure?! I want to unpack this a bit. God has given me a very strong message through this whole process that He has plenty of work for me to do for His kingdom in this world, and that I have already achieved a great deal. I believe that part of my problem with seeing the word “failure” as a description for my life is due to the expectations of success that the USA society places on its inhabitants. We are told to have Big careers that make a lot of money, and as women, to find marriage partners, have babies, buy houses, own 2 or more cars, and have large bank accounts. This line-up of events all begins with the attainment of a college bachelor’s degree, and then possibly a graduate or even a doctorate degree.  

    What happens when someone takes a different road? Am I feeling so low right now because I could not achieve what I was supposed to do? I have faced many challenges in my life, struggling with both multiple mental, as well as physical, chronic illnesses. Honestly, just surviving and being alive at 39 years and 7 months old is a huge achievement for me! In addition, I have dedicated my life to doing volunteer work that I feel God calls me towards, especially volunteering for churches. I also spent years volunteering for the local hospital in my hometown, beginning at age 14 and ending when I was in my early 30’s. I value family and friend time, and try to make helping my loved ones a priority.  

    And then there is writing. This has been a passion for my whole life. I began keeping a journal around age 7, and I still have one to this day. In addition, I have always loved writing assignments in any form, whether for school, church, or personal pursuits. When I was younger, I rode horses and hoped to make that love into a career. Unfortunately, that was not to be, but I think the only thing that I love the same is writing. At the end of December 2024, I began The Ladybug Blog, as a new project for 2025. Now in June 2026, you are reading the 46th post of that endeavor. It has been a joy to create the blog and share my life with my readers! I may even have another big announcement coming soon with regards to my writing, so watch this space for news soon!! 

    Furthermore, in a devotional of the Methodist guide The Upper Room, I read a post recently that comforted my heart. I felt that God was speaking directly to me. This quote was written by Steve Wakefield, and goes, “Through my small acts, God will do more than I can imagine.” I feel inspired to not belittle myself. My actions matter, large or small. In addition, I just listened to one of the Calm App’s meditations called The Daily Jay by Jay Shetty. He urged the listeners to think of daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly questions that they could ask themselves for reflection and personal growth. Through my experiences today with contemplating school and the American style of hustle and achievements, I believe that my daily and weekly question will be, “Dear God, what small acts can I do to please you today and going forward?” After all, the call on my life as a progressive Christian is to please God and follow His Will for my life. This will be my focus. 

    The lesson I am walking away with this afternoon is that I am not meant to live for what this world tells me I should do or be. God is my leader. My current prayer after these many thoughts is, “Jesus, guide my path.” I may be feeling disappointed, and a natural let-down with the loss of school, but I have plenty to look forward to in my life. I have plenty to keep me feeling fulfilled and remembering always that God is Good. If you are questioning your worth, dear readers, I suggest you meditate on some of the points in this post and see if you can relax your mind and spirit towards a better place. Life and purpose are about so much more than accomplishments. God loves you, and so do I!  

    With All My Love, G. 

    PS I am not sponsored by any of the publications or meditations mentioned in this writing! 

  • How to Praise God on Difficult Days 

    Dear readers of The Ladybug, do you ever have days that are intensely stressful and you wonder how to say “Thank You” to God at the end of them? I had one such day today. For personal reasons, to protect others, I cannot outline for you the details of the stressful situations today. Regardless, I will just state that more than one event unfolded that pushed my mind and body to the limits. I am now lying in bed with my laptop and trying to decompress myself. When I started to say “Grace” before my dinner, I realized that I didn’t want to say my usual line at the end of the prayer. This is the usual statement, “Dear God, Thank You for all of the blessings of this life, I praise Your Holy wonderful Name!”  

    Instead, tonight I felt resentful towards God. I wanted to complain to Him, and frankly, be pissed off. So, I took a deep breath and said my usual prayer statement anyway. A nice f*ck you to the devil, ha-ha! Then, I felt inspired to write this post, because I realized that I am probably not alone with sometimes reacting this way to a bad day.  

    So, I have decided to tell you what went “right” today. Because I firmly believe that there is always something to thank God for, even if it is just the fact that you are still on the correct side of the grass. However, today I have more than only my life to be thankful for. To name a couple of items: I had a matcha green tea latte AND an iced coffee with oat milk. These are my two favorite drinks of choice. Living in a sober lifestyle and having them both on the same day is a big treat!  

    Also, I had enough money in my normally small bank account to buy myself a new yoga mat. Recently, yoga has become a major coping skill for me. I had not practiced it consistently for years, and so I began with chair yoga to strengthen my muscles and re-build my skills. Now, I feel ready to tackle more traditional forms of yoga on a floor mat. This was an exciting purchase for me! In addition to being relaxing, I have found yoga to be a form of movement that my physically weak body can manage better than some more intensive workouts for the time being. I am on a slow, but steady, fitness journey after major illness, and this yoga mat is the next step! 

    Third on my list is the fact that in my new apartment, I have my own washer and dryer for the first time ever! Maybe I am majorly “geeking out” with adulting here and showing my age but not having to share with other apartments or go to Mom and Dad’s house is a big deal! Suddenly, I love doing laundry. Having your own machines is an incredible luxury that most people in middle to upper class USA take for granted, but I have been poor ever since I’ve been on my own as an adult. Therefore, this is a big deal for me, and I am grateful to God. 

    Finally, and most importantly, one of the professionals who helps me with my mental health showed up for me in a big way today. I am blessed to work with some amazing people who assist me with my disabilities, and having services is also a big blessing. I know many people who “fall through the cracks” of the mental health system. They need services, and could benefit greatly, but they are not connected to the right agencies. I am truly humbled by the amazing people that I have met on my healing journey with mental illness and today was no exception. It was easy to thank God today for this person. 

    And…there you go! I have just written four paragraphs about the multitude of ways that God was Amazing today! I have thanked God in my heart over again, as I write and realize that I lead a truly wonderful life. If you have a bad day, I encourage you to try the same exercise. Pull out your journal, or a simple paper and pen, and write down anything that you can think of that did go well throughout your day. Your gratitude examples can be small and simple, but I bet you can think of a couple. Remember, God is always Good, He wants to provide a beautiful life for us little humans. When things go wrong, God wants to help us through. Reach out and Thank God, it will turn your mind in the right direction to focus on healing, instead of resentment. 

    Thank you to you, too, dear readers. My writing blesses me just as much as you, if not more so. I hope I have inspired you to have a peaceful night and find a good release for your own frustrations. Sending Hugs and Love, G. 

    PS The picture of Sunflowers is in memory of my beautiful Aunt, who loved them. 

  • The Gifts of Friendship: Some Honest Reflections

    Dear readers, writing to you in The Ladybug Blog keeps me honest.  Tonight I would like to share my appreciation for my friends.  And in the name of honesty, I have a confession: I believe that I have been taking my friends for granted.  You see, I have a small group of very close friends.  I have been blessed to have known most of these friends for over a decade, and in some cases more than two decades.  It is interesting, however, how friendships change, shift, and grow as differing phases of adulthood occur.   

    For example, I have moved twice in the last two years, both times to places that were distant from some of my best friends.  And yet, with the gifts of modern technology, I have been able to keep my friendships solid.  That’s not to say that I haven’t lost some connections, and I feel a lot of sadness over friendships lost, but I am by no means alone.  Zooming, texting, Facebook messaging, all of these are ways that I have still “seen” my friends.  In-person gathering has been rarer, but again, it has occurred enough to make me feel supported.  I am truly blessed with the wonderful array of smart, talented, compassionate, loving, and faithful women (and a few men) in my life!  

    Both times that I have moved recently, it was to new towns where I had never visited before.  I found making new connections difficult with the first move.  I am hoping that this second, most recent move will go better as far as finding meaningful companions.  It has been tempting as I sit in my bed alone typing furiously on my keyboard at night to feel lonely and a bit lost in space.  Those are the moments when it is most crucial to recall memories and the recent phone calls or texts from my community of people who love me.  And truly, what more could I ask for?   

    I know that I have hinted at failed romantic relationships in previous blogs, and out of respect for my former partners I will never write a tell-all.  I would simply like to say that being single (yes, now you know I’m single currently!) while being an independent 39-year-old woman living on her own is no easy task.  I am also childfree, as well as fur baby free, at the moment, and so I have no one to snuggle with!  Most people in the USA follow a prescribed pattern of dating, get serious, marriage, house and two cars, fur baby, and finally one to three children, and work or become a housewife.   

    Well, I have taken the road less travelled.  I am selective about romantic partners, and though I believe I have met some truly special people in my life, it has never seemed to work out the right way at the right time.  In addition, I do not want children or stepchildren.  I am a very proud Auntie, and that is the right gift for me!  Do I even want to get married someday at this point?  I do not know, honestly.  So many bad dating experiences have dotted my landscape that I am no longer sure.  After a while, a love for independence and freedom takes over, and I feel that it has become harder for someone to catch me.  And yet, late at night, there is gnawing loneliness again.  

    BUT, that is why my friendships are so important!  Single people, especially women, need their best girlfriends to keep them going through all the triumphs and failures of life!  And I am happy to hear about the lives of my friends; I love to listen to their experiences.  I have friends in all walks of life, age, and life situations.  I believe that the differences between us make our friendships even stronger because I can learn from my girlfriends.  I may never be a mother, but I want to support my friends and their children.  I believe that family is a gift in every form it takes.  I, personally, value my own family deeply.  My parents and I are close, and I endeavor to support them as they change and grow.  I have also learned a great deal from my male friends, that there are decent men in the world, and that some men can be kind and treat women well.  All my friends form a community that is like family.  And I am grateful to God for such a wonderful gift! 

    Readers of The Ladybug, do yourselves a favor and reach out to a friend after reading my post.  Maybe even one that you have not talked to in a while.  All of us feel the human condition of loneliness, and existential angst; it is good to know that our little hearts are not alone.  God blesses us with friends to share life’s burdens and joys with, go ahead and reach out, you will be glad that you did! And if we are, or were, friends or acquaintances of any kind, I want you to know that you are valued and respected; Thank you for being a part of my story!

    Go in Joy, G. 

  • Acceptance: A Better World than Self-Pity 

    I had a therapist quite a while ago that had a great saying: You can visit pity-city, but do not unpack and live there.  I believe that recently I have been visiting pity-city, and I am trying to cut the vacation short before I take up permanent residence.  You see, this is a dangerous place for me to live because suddenly all my mental and spiritual focus shifts onto me and me alone.  It is tempting to obsess over everything that seems to be going wrong in my life and feel sorry for myself, leading of course to the world’s best sulky mood.  And the ultimate question…why me?  If one’s life is not going as planned or as one would wish it to, pity-city is an obvious destination. 

    However, I plan to fight this mindset.  My bags are packed, and I am leaving pity-city ASAP.  So, where is my next stop?  I am taking the express train to radical acceptance.  To reference therapy again, radical acceptance is a practice I learned from a Dialectical Behavioral Therapist (DBT) during the 2020 pandemic.  And to be honest, at first, I really hated the idea.  Radical acceptance does not mean that I am saying the unhappy situation is okay and that I approve of it.  The practice is also not even saying that I enjoy or like the situation that I am in.  Rather, radical acceptance is simply a mindset of overcoming the misery of a life situation by accepting its reality in my life and moving on, so that I can endure the situation with less pain and suffering.  I may not like it, but it is what it is.   

    DBT was created by a mastermind therapist named Dr. Marsha M. Linehan for people with borderline personality disorder, but it can be applied broadly to anyone needing basic life skills in therapy.  I, personally, have found it very helpful.  DBT also has a mindfulness component that I find refreshing.  Over the years, I have used mindfulness meditations to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the situation I found myself in. My mom gifts me the Calm App (Not Sponsored!) every year for Christmas, and I find the guided meditations to be very helpful.  Meditating, even for a 10-minute session, can help me practice radical acceptance.  When I relax my mind and focus on my breath to steady myself, I have less bandwidth to focus on all my problems…which leads to less focus on self-pity.  I highly recommend trying a practice that aids you in stepping outside of your own world of pain and instead brings to reality a world where the imperfect can be accepted as not permanent, and therefore less threatening. 

    I began DBT group therapy at the young age of 20, but it was not until I was in my 30’s that I really began to appreciate its benefits.  I rebelled against the radical acceptance piece, often complaining to my therapist that it seemed impossible.  What has changed?  I guess with age comes wisdom, because now I can see that the more I ruminate on what is going wrong in my life, the stronger the problem will appear in my mind.  Acceptance of a negative situation is a challenge, but ultimately, it takes away the power that the pain has over you.  Breath.  Be still.  And trust in a Higher Power.   

    I call my Higher Power God, but it can be different for other people, what matters is having a source outside of yourself to rely on and gather strength from.  I do not believe that I could have survived without my faith in God.  Once I accept a situation that is causing me suffering, I hand it to God, and ask Him to take “the wheel,” and guide my path.  I know that I am only a little human, who cannot deal with a complicated life all on my own.   

    And this is why living in pity-city is such a bad idea.  When I am there, I feel separated not only from radical acceptance of my problems but also separated from God.  I am sealing myself off from support by dwelling in my misery.  Not a smart idea.  My hope in sharing these honest reflections is that they might help you, too, dear readers.  Nobody has an easy life, we all deal with something, or many somethings.  I encourage you to let go of any rumination, accept what may be painful, and hand it to a Higher Power who can provide your soul with relief.  My prayer in typing these words is that what I have learned the hard way over the years can be learned by someone else and aid that person to a better and happier life. 

    Go in Peace and Blessings, G. 

  • What Are We Asked to Carry? A Reflection for Hard Times. 

    Hello readers, welcome to the 40th post of The Ladybug Blog!  Are you struggling in the dark with all the difficult events going on in America and the world right now?  I would like to offer you some hope, please read on!  Today I would like to share a reflection I wrote for a church service on April 12, 2026.  Unfortunately, I am quite sick right now and could not deliver this reflection in person, but a kind member of the church stepped up and delivered it for me.  Thank you!  Here we go: 

    NH Church Sunday Reflection: 

    It is no secret that the world is a difficult place to live in for many people currently. We are witnessing war in more than one country, and America is becoming more divided than ever along political lines.  I feel that many of us are quite stressed now, and I would like to address that pain in today’s reflection.  The main question that I hear in my own heart is: why does God let us carry heavy things?  The answer to that is perhaps that God does not cause heavy circumstances in our lives, but instead, gives us the strength to carry them, and sometimes carries them for us.  I would like to tell you two stories, one fictional, and one from real life, to illustrate this point.  

    First, I would like to talk about the novel The Lord of the Rings, written by J. R. R. Tolkien, which I am currently re-reading.  The novel is large and is divided into 3 separate books.  It has also been turned into a very successful movie series which came to theaters in the early 2000’s. Maybe you are familiar?  For those of you who do not know the story, the main plot line is that there is an evil lord who creates an evil ring of gold that he pours his malice into. The ring causes lust for power, and it destroys all who bear it.    

    Fortunately, there are good soldiers in this fictional land who want to destroy the ring and its evil master.  Frodo Baggins, who is a creature called a hobbit, travels with his best friend Sam, who is also a hobbit, through the magical land of Middle Earth on a quest to destroy the ring.  Frodo is the ring bearer, and he wears it on a chain around his neck.  The burden of carrying the evil ring is not easy, and Frodo suffers daily from what he describes as a feeling of “heaviness.”  In addition, Frodo must try to resist the evil powers of the ring, which always tries to make its bearer want to turn towards wickedness.  

    At this point you may be wondering why I am telling you this fantastic tale? I believe we all deal with carrying difficult temptations to sin and turn to evil daily in this world.  We must carry much that could destroy us if we let it, but thankfully we have God’s grace to guide and protect us.  In the scripture reading 1 Corinthians 10:11-13, God promises that we will not be tempted beyond what we can bear.  We have Jesus and the Holy Spirit to strengthen us and guide us through our lives.  And, Frodo also has someone to help him, too: his best friend Sam.  To finish the tale for you, at the end of the story, when hope seems lost as Frodo and Sam are struggling to complete their journey, Sam literally picks up Frodo and begins to carry him on his shoulders.  Frodo can no longer go it alone, and he does not have to; Sam is there for him.  The evil ring is destroyed after a long trial for both Frodo and Sam.  In our lives, God is our best friend, who carries us when the difficulty of life is too great.  Remember, you are never alone.    

    Now, I would like to share a second story which is from the daily devotional guide in The Upper Room, written by Lauren Walker.  Lauren tells an honest account of her struggles growing up with her mother who was and is an alcoholic.  Lauren describes how angry she was at God for allowing herself to suffer so much with an alcoholic parent.  She did not have a good relationship with her mother.  Finally, one day Lauren began yelling at God.  As she did so, she began to feel a release, and God’s presence suddenly began to feel real to her.  Lauren realized that God could handle all her feelings of hurt and pain, and that He wished for her to simply communicate more with Him.  She began a practice of prayer and daily devotions with God.  It was not an instant cure for the years of suffering Lauren had experienced regarding her mother, but slowly and surely, talking to God helped Lauren heal.  Lauren expresses a thought for the day in The Upper Room, which is, “I can be honest with God, trusting that God will transform my heart.”  Prayer and communication with God can help us to bear pain.  God will change it into something that we can carry.  I invite all of you to let God help you to soar on wings like eagles, and run and not grow weary, and walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:27-31)!    

    In the Gospel of Matthew (Chapter 11:28-30), Jesus promises that His yoke is light.  Jesus loves his sheep, which is all of us together, you and me.  I encourage you to reach out to our Lord Jesus through prayer and feel the love that He has for God’s people. No matter the stress or difficulties you are carrying currently, Jesus understands, as one who has been to the cross.  On Easter, we celebrated Jesus’ triumph over suffering as He rose from the dead on the third day.  Let Jesus raise your hearts and help you carry your difficulties.  He is faithful.  The times we are living through currently are certainly requiring all of us to carry a heavy burden, but take heart, God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit will help us to live a life of love and light, even in the darkness.  We do not carry our burdens alone.  God bless all of you, Go in Peace.  Amen. 

    Walk On in God’s Strength, G. 

  • Strength Inside the Struggle

    Today is a holiday, Valentine’s Day, and many are enjoying dates with their partners and the thrill of a special evening approaching. However, I will be honest that that is not my reality today. Why? Because, I am sick today. My chronic illnesses are in a flare. So, I thought I’d give you a look at what that is like for me, instead of pretending that my life is roses. This entry is not meant as a pity party, merely to give the average healthy person a glimpse into my world.

         I have been diagnosed with what is casually known as “the trifecta.” This includes hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome), POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), and MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome). I encourage you to Google them, because these are complex chronic illnesses that have no cure, and make the lives of those who suffer from them pretty damn miserable! Basically, I struggle with a multitude of symptoms, including chronic fatigue and chronic pain. I take 20 medications a day in an attempt to manage the symptoms, but nothing is super effective. These medications also include the ones I take for my mental illness diagnoses. However, I have written previously about my chronic mental illness diagnoses, and they are not the topic of this post.

         I began having health problems as a child, and I have always been “sickly.” It has been a long journey of tears, unsuccessful treatments, surgeries, trips to the ER, and doctors telling me that I was crazy before I finally got the correct physical diagnoses. They came from a combination of an Integrative Medicine doctor in Northampton, MA and a few specialists in Boston, MA.  The trip to reach answers was long and difficult.

         Once I was properly diagnosed, I had a lot to process. On the one hand, I was relieved, and on the other hand, I was completely overwhelmed with facing what I now knew would be a lifetime of being sick. In early 2025, I began seeing a health psychologist for a special kind of therapy to help me learn how to live better and cope with the new knowledge. He has been extremely helpful. However, it has also been a challenging process to relearn how to balance my daily activities so as to better preserve my health.

         You see, I have always been an active person. I have always enjoyed setting goals for physical activities and participating in charity walks. As a younger person, I rode horses competitively and did jumping at horse shows, as well as dressage. I once dreamed of being a horse trainer. In addition, I had a passion for running as a young woman and enjoyed lifting weights at the local gym. My attitude was always to push through and keep going.

         BUT, as I have progressed through life, so have my illnesses progressed. All of those activities I loved to do my body can no longer support. Not surprisingly, this has left me with a ton of mental grief to process, and a lot of anger. So, now we come to the reason for the photograph I chose for today’s entry, which is me walking with my cane. Thankfully, I do not need the cane every day yet, but I do need it more and more. In addition, I occasionally have even needed a walker when in a really bad flare of illness. I have just turned 39 years old, and this seems incredibly unfair to me!

         How do I cope? Not great. Honestly, I have to spend a lot of time lying on the couch or bed and simply resting. Netflix and my DVD player have become necessities. I will say it: I hate resting. I crave a busy and productive life, and I wish my body would let me do more. I’m no expert still on living with chronic illness and dealing with the physical and mental pain. I just keep going. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and being grateful for the good days when I get to accomplish something meaningful.

                For example, I transferred to Westfield State University in the Fall 2021 semester, after not doing college course work for 14 years. It has been difficult, but I have now completed 11 courses at WSU with an overall GPA of 3.8. In addition, I enjoy volunteering at my local church. This year there was a high of being a worship leader for the Christmas Eve service. Mission work for the less fortunate in our society is also a passion of mine, and I feel fulfilled when I can help local charities. And, family and friend time is precious to me. I love to be social, even if it means resting afterwards. All of these blessings make my life purposeful. 

        I encourage you to be grateful, just as I try to be grateful, for the wonderful moments in life! We all struggle with something, and the best comeback is to see how God has blessed us. I try to be positive, even when it’s rough, and know that I’m never alone. My family, friends, and Faith guide me through. May my story inspire you to see your own strengths inside the struggle, and NEVER give up!!

         With Resilience, G.

  • Gratitude on my 39th Birthday

    Today is my 39th birthday, and, appropriately, the 30th blog entry of The Ladybug.  Wow, my last year of my 30’s has arrived! I have some reflections.  My first and initial reaction is: how the fuck did time pass so quickly?!  I thought I was just barely learning to be an adult and now I think I am officially a grown-up!  I live independently in my own apartment and manage my own money and drive my own car.  However, that said, I still need a lot of support to cope with this thing called life, as we all do.  It takes a village. None of us can exist alone in a vacuum, especially if you are an extrovert like me.  I am fortunate and blessed to have many good friends and loving family connections.  In addition, I receive excellent professional care for my struggles.  What I want to convey most in this post is how grateful I am for the beautiful life God has granted me!!  

    In honor of the gorgeous sunny fall day that has greeted me on my birthday, I want to share a top 5 gratitude list: 

    1: God is Good!  My faith is the most important thing in my life.  No matter how badly life seems to be going, I know that God will not abandon me.  I firmly believe that God loves me and works all things for my good (Romans 8:28).  I never have to fear, because in the end it will all be okay, and if it is not okay, then it is not the end. God has the ultimate control.  This belief set allows me to face every difficulty in my life, and we all know that life is not always easy.  May you, reader, be blessed, no matter what you are facing.  God is Good. 

    2: Love is a blessing.  While my romantic endeavors have never been super successful, which I do not plan to discuss in this blog, I have never had any lack of love in my life.  Love can come from many different places.  For example, my parents have raised me in a loving and supportive home.  My friends always rally around me when life is hard and make me laugh when life is good.  My extended family is kind and generous.  I could not ask for more love.  It is truly all around me! (Aww, so corny!)  

    3: I have always been blessed to have my basic needs met, including food, clean water, medical care, and shelter.  This is not the case for so many others in our country and across the world.  I know that leaner times are coming due to the direction of our current leadership in America, but I am still grateful.  I feel a deep connection to the homeless and to those in prisons because I have never known that pain.  I have been spared many heartaches.  Everyone suffers in this life; however, the degree of suffering varies.  I’m aware that my trials have been limited.   

    4: I have been exposed to the arts in a meaningful way.  I love watching ballet and listening to all forms of music.  In the past, I have experimented with creating paintings and collages.  Photography has always been a passion of mine, and I still enjoy capturing as many photos as possible.  Singing along to a favorite tune lifts my heart when I feel blue.  Visiting art museums and experiencing the genius of others has been a true gift.  Plays and film are also other art forms that I enjoy.  It is a true luxury to watch many differing movies, TV shows, and live theater performances.  Creativity is a beautiful expression of the human experience. 

    5: Writing.  Whether journaling, blogging, or working on my surprise project, writing feeds my soul in a special way.  In addition, I have been blessed to attend more than one university and to learn to improve my writing.  I dream of one day becoming a successful published author.  Let us not also forget the luxury of being able to read.  Many around the world, and in the USA, are illiterate, even if they do wish to read.  Writing and reading are blessings that I hope to remember to never take for granted.  In this theme, I would like to offer some advice: read a banned book while you still can!  There is an attack on works of quality literature now, and I feel compelled to urge all of my readers to use your minds and rebel!  That is my act of political defiance for the day!  

    As I turn the corner from “young adult” to “middle age,” I feel so much more confident in my own skin.  I know what I want, and I will not tolerate BS from anyone.  I have become a successful self-advocate, which is a crucial skill when one has physical and mental health issues like I experience.  Never be afraid to stand up for yourself!  I still have a way to go with my self-esteem and self-confidence, but both are in much better paces than when I turned 29 years old.  One final piece of advice from me to you: do not be afraid to seek help.  It may mean the difference between misery and survival.  More than that, life should be about thriving, not barely hanging on and surviving.  So, find a way to thrive, even if things feel messy.  Choose one small thing to accomplish and do it well.  Life is precious and fleeting, live it up!  And, of course, my favorite phrase to say, NEVER give up!!  Happy Birthday to me and thank you to all my readers for allowing me into your thoughts.  May you thrive and be happy!  With Peace, G. 

    PS This photo is me at home today, casual and relaxed at 39!

  • When my Spirit is in the Desert

    Confession: I am in a spiritual desert.  Perhaps you can relate.  Does the spirit just not feel quite as alive within you?  Well, that is my experience.  The major cause for me personally is stress!!!  I would love to believe that I am such a great Christian as to not drift away from God during intense periods of stress, but who am I kidding??  When life is hard or unfair, I blame God.  In my anger I step further and further away from Him.  It may be a childish reaction.  It may only make my circumstances more difficult.  And…it may lead to the desert.  Then I am alone and struggling. 

                So, what is the easy solution?  There is none!  But opening my eyes and looking around at my desert surroundings is the first step.  I must realize that my toes are sinking in the sand.  The desert is vast and mysterious.  The first step is admitting that I’ve wandered there.  If I stay in denial about my spiritual health, then God is unable to heal the relationship with me.  Let me be very clear about one fact: God never steps away from us; we step away from Him.  God always desires a loving and close bond with those He created.  God never causes bad things to happen to His beloved.  Instead, God longs for our relationship with Him to aid us in conquering the stress of a broken world. 

                The next step is sticking true to your personal spiritual rituals Even while you are in the desert.  For example, if you connect with God in nature, then take a walk!  If you connect with God through music, then lift your voice or other instrument!  If you find God in art, then dance or paint!  Never Give Up!  The key to finding your way through the desert spiritually is to keep on trudging under the sun’s hot rays.  Staying true to your passions connects you to the Spirit of Love.  In turn, the Spirit intercedes for you with God, as described in Romans 8:26-27 in the Bible.  I like to paraphrase this Scripture as such: the Spirit is a friend inside your heart that can relate to God what your thoughts and yearnings contain, all without words. 

                Ultimately, re-establishing a connection with God is the best tool for surviving the deep desert that we all may experience from time-to-time.  Therefore, a third tip I will share is that trying something new in your spiritual routine or coping skills set is a great way to re-gain that connection.  For example, in March 2024, I began volunteering to be a worship leader and sermon preacher at a local church.  Previously, I mostly volunteered doing mission work, which I loved.  However, I have now found that I have a passion for delivering sermons and organizing prayers.  I feel the Joy of God when I engage in these activities.  I find leading worship to be challenging and exciting as well.  I would not have felt these wonderful feelings if I was afraid to try something new!

                In addition, I want to make space for the fact that sometimes, engaging in new spiritual activities that require a healthy body or mind are not possible.  I, myself, have experienced this reality recently.  I have been struggling physically with a severe tick-borne illness, as well as the mental stress that results.  If you are depressed, or facing any other mental health emergency, please seek professional support. I am blessed to benefit from an excellent support system of professional mental health care.  Also, I would advise some other types of low-key forms of exercise.  Some types I have used include: a stationary-bike, a yoga mat, and 2lbs weights that allow me to “work-out” gently.  Movement can be beneficial for both chronic medical and mental illnesses.  I find that moving my body, even slowly, connects me to God.

                I will close by saying that though the journey is tough, it is worth it!  God is a beautiful constant in a world of chaos.  Draw close to Him, even if you are stressed, and He will respond.  Keep Going on the road of faith!  The desert is cruel and dusty, but even Jesus walked there, and with the aid of His Father in Heaven, Jesus walked out into eternal glory.  He will help you out of desert living as well!    

                In Living Water, G.

    PS: A picture of my time writing to you, Ladybug readers!!!

  • I’m Back! Let’s Talk Honestly About Anxiety and Faith

    I feel anxious.  I have been anxious all day.  Do you ever feel anxious?  It is hard for me to understand my anxiety, and even harder to control it.  I used to apply various substances as balms for my anxious mental health: cigarettes, alcoholic drinks, and benzodiazepine pills.  However, I now keep to a strict sober lifestyle.  So, what to do?  Over the years, psychologists have had me try all the usual “healthy” interventions, such as cognitive behavioral therapy or yoga and meditation.  And, yes, yoga and guided meditation are tools that I use on a regular basis.  However, when the anxiety is high and my system is on alert, these milder aids do nothing for me.   I need to invoke that which is higher.

                Prayer.  Praying is the ultimate soothing release for my anxious tendencies.  These prayers are messy and unfiltered.  They sometimes are not even coherent sentences or words.  God knows exactly what I need before I pray about it, and when I reach towards Him, the relief comes quickly.  It is amazing to me that I worship a God who loves me so much that He accepts all my worries and concerns, whether large or small.  Everything is okay, I can turn it over to the One who is really in charge.  Thank God! 

                Perhaps you find my approach to simple?  Do you doubt that prayers whispered in urgency can really relieve tough anxious pain?  You are not alone, I used to feel that way, too.  My faith as a young adult in my early 20’s was pretty much non-existent.  I was going through a challenging time with my mental wellbeing, and I thought God had abandoned me.  There were many moments when I wanted to give up.  However, through the love of my family and friends, and the support of professionals, I survived.  My faith in God began to resurface, and I started a long journey back to being a believer in Christ.  Many times, my faith has been tested over the years.  There have been scary times with both my physical and mental health.  But God has always saved and protected me.  In gratitude I have turned my life over to Him. 

    For example, my recent long absence from this blog, The Ladybug, was due to a serious physical illness.  I woke up April 20, 2025, Easter Sunday, and was dreadfully sick.  The eventual diagnosis was a tick-borne illness similar to Malaria, and I was placed on lots of medication and rest.  I needed help to do everything, because my abilities with basic living were impacted.  I have taken a long break from posting current photos of myself online, due to the full-body rash that itched and bothered me.  I struggled with a constant fever and abdominal pain on both sides of my chest.  Part of my relapse with anxiety is a consequence of the illness as well, because it attacks the nervous system.  Perhaps the worst symptom has been the fatigue and exhaustion, which I can only compare to how I felt when I had covid-19.  All to say, it would have been so easy to give up on God and just get mad at the situation I was in. 

    But instead, my faith is what got me through, and is continuing to sustain me through, all these recent tough days!  God is Good!  He loves me and longs to be in relationship with me, talking through prayer and devotion.  Again, He surrounded me with loving people, my parents, and doctors, and I was never alone.  Yes, I had moments of self-pity and despair, but overall, my feeling is one of gratitude for God’s great gift of life.  I hope my story can inspire you to try saying a prayer.  Are you anxious?  Are you unhappy?  Going through a struggle?  Pray.  Whisper a few words to the maker of the universe, and wait to hear His whisper back.  We are never alone, and there is no problem in this life that Jesus has not already walked through.  Let go and trust.  Reach out and He will hold you close in return.

    Wishing You Peace, G.

    PS I am still in recovery from the tick-borne illness, but stay tuned to The Ladybug!  New posts will be going up!!  Thank you to my readers!

  • God’s Presence During Hardships

    How does one cope when times are overwhelming?  Recently, I have been feeling stressed for both societal and personal reasons.  The USA is in a difficult spot politically, with a constant stream of bad news.  In my own life, I am facing uncertainties medically, and am in a wait-and-see period.  However, I can honestly say that despite these set-backs, I am feeling grateful and blessed.  You may wonder if I am crazy and how this is possible…well, let me share my secrets.

                My faith in God is the core of my life.  I believe that I am never alone in the struggles I face.  There is a greater force in the universe that guides my path.  As a progressive Christian, this season of lent has been a time to draw closer to God and His promises for my life.  God never promises that life will be easy or pain free.  Instead, He assures us that we never travel this bumpy life alone.  We have a loving companion in Jesus Christ, who comforts our hearts and holds us while we shed tears.  There is a song that was written on the walls of a Nazi concentration camp during World War II by an anonymous author with the words, “I believe in God, even when He is silent.”  The incredible faith of the author amazes me.  During our tough times, God never disappears or walks away from us.  Even when we can not sense Him as strongly, He is right there with His loving arms wrapped around us. 

                You may be asking yourself; how do I connect to God if I can not feel Him?  My first answer is always the same: PRAY!  Prayer is a great communication tool that God has gifted to us.  Your prayer does not have to be perfect, pretty, or even make sense.  Just start talking.  Say what you need.  A simple prayer of HELP is always a good start.  Remember, God already knows what is going on in your life and what your needs are.  He’s waiting to establish a loving dialogue with you.  Another useful way to pray is to have a mantra, a word to repeat until you feel calm, such as “Abba” or “Father” or “Jesus.”  The idea of prayer is to create a bond between you and the spirit of God; therefore, the technicalities and perfections of your words do not matter, only that you try.  God is waiting to hear you!

                Another great way to connect with God and feel God’s peace is to appreciate the beauties of the natural world.  Depending on your circumstances and health, this may look like sitting in your back yard watching the birds, taking a walk in the woods, or even hiking a mountain trail.  I have always found something incredibly soothing about nature and enjoying God’s creation.  Meditation comes easily to me when I am alone with trees and flowers.  The noise of man-made vehicles and busy streets blocks me from relaxation.  However, if I can escape to a small moment of being “one with the universe” through observing nature, I feel I am at home.  Nothing can rattle me as I feel God gently whisper, “If I can care for all of this, how much more do I love you, dear one?”  When you feel like life is just too much to bear, find time to touch your palm to a tree trunk or flower petal, and know how much God loves you.

                Finally, take time to read God’s Word.  We are all very busy in American society, and taking time to read the Bible seems impossible at times.  It may also seem intimidating to read a book like the Bible, with so many stories you may wonder where to start.  I suggest finding a guided devotion that you enjoy to help your journey of the Word.  I use The Upper Room and The Bible App.  (Neither of these are sponsored) They are tools that help me to stay focused during my devotion time.  In addition, I find several of the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) books and meditation materials to be helpful in creating a spiritual reading program.  AA guidebooks are great if you are unsure of where to begin with the Bible.  Again, the purpose of studying written Word about God is not about trying to achieve perfection.  Rather, the purpose is to connect you with the loving presence of the Spirit, in hopes that your stress and loneliness melts away.  God is here, waiting for you to reach out!

                To return to the stressors I mentioned at the beginning of this post, both national news and personal medical concerns, I find everything easier to handle and digest when I have armed myself with a close and personal relationship with God.  I will say again, my faith is my rock, and it sees me through the difficulties of life.  I urge you to seek out God through the channels I have mentioned, or through your own creative pathways.  Connecting to a higher power is a chance to find freedom from your stress, and to let go of your burdens for a few hours and rest under God’s wings.  You do not have to face challenges by yourself.  There is a strength greater than human strength, and you can tap into that power for peace at any time, all you need do is ask.

                With Love, G.