The Ladybug

Tag: Personal

  • Faith: A Power Higher Than Trump

    Recently, I posted a blog on The Ladybug discussing my blessings during the reign of Trump.  Today, I would like to further expand upon the idea that blessings exist during difficult times, by sharing my personal faith.  The news in the USA has only been getting scarier and scarier.  How do we cope with our fears?  How do we manage the harsh realities that are flooding our lives from the new Trump administration?  I am a person who relies on government agencies and policies that have long been in place.  Now, I feel that I am a sitting duck with a gun pointed at my head, as the democratic government I hold dear tumbles down.  Is there anything I can do?  Of course I can take political action by calling my representatives.  And, I can resist and protest in the streets.  But, what about internal action?  How do I protect my peace?

                The answer for me is: by digging into my faith in God.  I identify as a progressive Christian, and my faith in the love and protection of Jesus has seen me through many dark days in my life.  God is always faithful to me, and my peace of mind is guaranteed when I am faithful to him in return.  In the Bible, Jesus says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.” This quote is from the Gospel of John 16:33.  Many believe that being a Christian should mean an easy walk through life.  However, God does not promise that we never see troubles, simply that He is with us during every moment of our troubles.  He sees us through the storm.  We live in a fallen world, where heartache and death are realities.  But do not forget, Jesus conquered death by rising on the third day following His crucifixion.  He can help you and I overcome anything! 

                I would like to share a personal story about my life as an example of the healing powers of faith.  I have struggled with alcoholism since I was 20 years old.  I did not get serious about sobriety until I was 31 years old.  I now have 6 and ½ years sober from alcohol.  This journey through my addiction has been marked by tears, danger, and denial.  There were many people in my life that wanted me to stop drinking before I decided to try to sober up.  I hurt those closest to me.  I never would have achieved a sober day without the grace of God.  It takes a village to support the recovery of an addict, and that village must be guided by a higher power.  I decided to get sober after I lived through a near-death experience.  I realized that if I had died, I would have left my life a mess.  I thanked God that I survived, and dedicated myself to sobriety.  The journey has not been easy, and I still take only one day at a time.  I struggle with my addiction every day, and every day God is Good and keeps me sober.  I could have died, but here I am, living still and living clean!

                My hope in sharing my personal story of how faith saved me from alcoholism, is to inspire you to reach out to God no matter what mountain you are facing.  He alone can aid you. His love will comfort you through the rough days of your own journey.  Perhaps you are stressed and frightened by the current political climate.  Perhaps you are financially tapped out.  Maybe, you just lost a loved one and are grieving.  Whatever the circumstance, do not rely on your own strength, but reach towards God and His strength.  We are never alone in our struggles.  You never have to feel alone.  I may be scared by what is coming in the next days and months of the Trump administration, but I know that I will be okay in the end.  If it is not okay, then it is not the end.  How do I know?  Because, I believe in a loving and powerful God who wants to help me and is by my side through thick and thin.  All you need do is ask.  A simple prayer.  “God, help me.”  He will hear you, and He is faithful.  Dig into what is beyond Trump or any of his leaders, the higher power, and rely on God to bring you to better days.

                In Love and Peace, G.

  • Permission to Rest

    I am currently typing this while curled up in bed with a warm, electric blanket, and a hot mug of coffee.  There was a major snow storm last night, and the weather has now decided to spit ice and rain.  My car is completely snowed in, and I am not going anywhere.  Therefore, I have made an executive decision that today is a rest day.  My week has been long and filled with appointments and schoolwork.  I deserve rest.  However, do I really need to earn my rest?  Or does my mind and body simply deserve rest because they exist.  Is it okay to take a rest day because I am tired, or even two rest days?  Or even a rest week?  Let us look at this idea a little more closely.

                In America, the rules of society dictate that we all work and hustle, as much as possible.  In addition, if one has a disability or health condition that requires taking life a little less intensely, then you are looked down upon by other people.  Grind, grind, grind!  That is the motto for the USA.  Whether this attitude be at your job, in your relationship, or at the gym, you are expected to always be moving forward.  Life is a proverbial rat race.  But why?  What is so wrong about slowing down?

                Let me share a little about my personal experience.  When I meet a new person, they always ask me what I do for work.  My reply is that I do not work, currently, that I am in school part-time.  This answer usually always elicits a confused look from the other person, and then the inevitable question, “Well, what do you do with your time?  Aren’t you bored?”  I find this arrogant assumption that because I do not meet with society’s standard of full-time work or full-time school, that I somehow must have no life.  The assumption is that I must be lazy, and sitting around eating chocolates all day.  My life is full of responsibilities and I often feel overwhelmed by how busy my days are, and how little time I have for rest.  My life just looks different from the norm.  I balance family obligations with health appointments and school and exercise and activities that contribute to my values system, just like anybody else. 

                So, why am I shamed for not fitting the business rules of American society?  And, if I need rest days to help my body and mind rejuvenate so that I may keep going in my life, why is that wrong?  I feel that in the USA, we have our values all wrong.  With all the emphasis on grinding and hustling, exhaustion and burn-out are inevitably to be expected.  In fact, many people are dissatisfied in their lives because they do not take time to rest.  However, I understand that rest time can be seen as an unattainable luxury to some people.  Perhaps you are a busy Mom, or a person working three jobs to make ends meet, and rest time sounds impossible.  I understand, and I do not want to discount these persons and situations.  My point is, that instead of striving to never stop moving, we should be striving to carve out little pockets of rest in our daily lives.  For example, take a longer than usual coffee break, or go for a walk on your lunch hour, or dedicate one day a week to sleeping-in by a half hour extra.  There are possibilities for adding rest, if one is creative.  Rest time is crucial to mental and physical well-being, and it is a luxury that we should be striving to make a weekly practice.

                My challenge to you is to find your happy place.  Stop and think.  Just breathe for a moment.  What small activity, or lack of activity, makes your little heart soar?  For me, I enjoy eating canned soup while curled in bed watching a favorite Netflix show, and I like to take time to do this when I feel my body telling me she is tired.  There are hundreds of possibilities for what a rest day, hour, or moment may look like for you, but make sure to carve out the time to indulge.  Your body will thank you with improved overall health.  Your mind will thank you for letting it de-stress, even for twenty minutes.  Do not run the rat race and feel you are stuck.  Instead, embrace rest time, and view it as a form of self-respect, just as important as leg-day at the gym.  My message to all my Ladybug readers: Permission to rest-GRANTED!!!

                Be Relaxed, G.

  • Blessings During the Reign of Trump?

    The news today is scary.  Every day there is some new report of how President Trump is taking apart our country’s democracy.  I am afraid that everything I thought I knew for certain about America will soon change.  What is there to feel good about?  Prices and inflation are rising, not lowering.  Immigrants and people of color are in danger.  The LGBTQ+ community may lose the rights they fought so hard to gain.  The DOGE committee, fronted by Elon Musk, is systematically attacking government agencies, and being granted access to American’s most private information.  My status as a woman, alone, now puts me at risk for attacks from Trump.  The list of scary news goes on and on, and I can not cover all the topics in one paragraph.  However, suffice to say, that the reign of Trump is ushering in dark times for the USA. 

                So, what can I do to not feel overwhelmed and hopeless?!  I was praying on this subject, and what came to me were the simple words, “Stay in the present moment.”  There are blessings in my life that have not yet disappeared, and are worth celebrating.  I do not know how my life will be altered in the future by the new administration.  Therefore, it is more crucial than ever to be present and feel each blessing fully.  In honor of this philosophy, I have decided to write a Ladybug post today listing 10 blessings in my present life.  I will appreciate these blessings with every fiber of my being, for as long as they are mine to hold.  I suggest that if you are feeling equally hopeless at the state of our country, take out a paper and pen, and make your own list of blessings.  Celebrate the gifts God gives us, no matter how small.  Without further explanation, here are 10 Blessings that I cherish in my daily life:

    • My parents are alive and I can help them frequently.  This past summer, I moved closer to my parent’s home, and it is now a short drive to their house.  I can spend much more time with them, and offer any help they may need.  It is a huge blessing in my life to give back to my wonderful and amazing parents, who have always been there for me through thick and thin.  We have a relationship that I cherish.
      • My morning cup of coffee.  I love to wake up and go through the routine of making a pot of coffee.  The first bitter, hot sip is heaven!  Coffee is a luxury, and I enjoy every minute of drinking a good cup! 
      • Books!  I love to read.  I enjoy a wide variety of genres of books, and I always have 10 books that I am reading at the same time.  Everything from political non-fiction, to books on racism and women’s rights, to romances with handsome heroes, to fantasy novels that take me to other worlds, I love all books!  I especially enjoy reading banned books, and am currently reading The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.  I learn something new with every book I read, and the books become a part of me.
      • Walks in nature.  I love to be in the woods, walking among the wise trees, and hearing the birds sing.  Somehow, everything that was wrong in my life feels right again.  Nature is incredibly healing.  Feeling fresh air on my face is exactly what I need to cure any stressful situation.  Thank you, God, for creating this beautiful planet, and giving me the ability to enjoy your fabulous works!
      • Sobriety.  This is a serious blessing.  I do not rely on any substances to escape reality and get high anymore.  No alcohol, no cigarettes, no pills.  I never tried marijuana, and I never will.  I cherish and carefully guard my sobriety, because it is the most important gift that I can give myself.  I want to experience reality, and cope with stress, in healthy and safe ways.  The ultimate clean living.  The best decision I have made.
      • Yummy and nourishing food.  I have enough food to eat, and I am blessed to enjoy many delicious and tasty meals.  I have never gone hungry.  This has not always seemed like a blessing to me, as I have struggled with Anorexia Nervosa my whole adult life.  However, I have healed enough from my eating disorder to realize that food security is indeed an amazing blessing, and a privilege of living in the developed world.  In addition, there is so much pleasure in a good meal!
      • Health.  My health is a constant struggle for me, both mentally and physically.  However, I have wonderful health insurance that has allowed me access to top doctors and healing medications.  I could be much worse off if I did not live in a state that offers great healthcare.  In addition, I have the gift of great insight into my mind and body, which allows me to make good decisions about my care.  I lead a high-quality life, and I am grateful.
      • School.  I attend Westfield State University online, and it is an honor to have education access.  Many women around the world, and in our country, are denied education.  Currently, I am working to complete my BA in Psychology.  The courses are not always easy, and at times I want to give up.  Then, I remind myself that school is an incredible blessing, and I persevere.  I will finish my degree, in the hopes for better opportunities going forward.
      • Church.  Having a church family is everything to me.  The support of fellow Christians is crucial in my spiritual journey.  I have been blessed to be quite active in the different churches I have attended.  Mission work is a passion of mine, and helping others with the company of my fellow church members is a wonderful experience.  Churches and organized religions are certainly not perfect, but the gift of sharing faith with other believers is something I will value for my whole life.
      • My apartment.  I am not homeless.  There are so many people in the USA, and all over the world, who do not have stable housing.  I have a warm, cozy, comfy, and safe place to call my own.  My apartment is my sanctuary.  It is where I recover from the roughness of the world, and rediscover my spark.  When life is overwhelming, I spend a few days hunkered down in my apartment, and I feel renewed.  My space is where I go to rest, so that I may do battle in the outside world again.  This is a true luxury, and I do not take it for granted.  My home is my restorative blessing.

        The list of my blessings could continue, and it could certainly be much longer.  However, I felt it was important to take a moment to look at the most basic and simple blessings that make my life wonderful.  The daily life I lead is truly one that I feel immense gratitude for, and I do not take one single blessing for granted.  I will live in the moment, and return to look at my list, every time I begin to doubt whether I can face our scary world.  God is Good.  His Love endures forever. 

        Be Blessed, G.

      1. Diagnosed: Who Am I?

        Personal Post: Mental Health

        Is it helpful or hurtful to be diagnosed with an illness?  The answer may seem obvious, that a diagnosis can help in treatment and, hopefully, recovery.  However, does this reasoning apply to mental illnesses as well as physical ones?  I feel that I have a unique perspective on this question, because I have been diagnosed with both.  Unfortunately, I struggle with several chronic medical conditions that require treatment.  In addition, I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which has also led to prescription drug treatment and hospital stays.  Revealing these facts about my life used to feel shameful and embarrassing.  People are usually understanding and sympathetic when I say I have, “health problems.”  However, as soon as I mention mental health, their reactions turn from friendly to uncomfortable.  A few people are brazen enough to ask what meds I take, some people tell me about a weird relative they have with a similar diagnosis, and then there are those who look at me knowingly, and whisper under their breath, that they struggle too.

                    So, why is this topic as controversial as the others that I cover on The Ladybug, namely religion and politics?  Let’s dive in!  One observation that I have made throughout my journey is that mental health conditions scare people.  Behaviors seem threatening, and they can be dangerous.  Suicide is a leading cause of death in the USA.  Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy.  My own attempts were stopped by loving parents, and I was blessed to receive the treatment that I needed.  Others are less fortunate.  In addition, hospitals for the mentally ill are intimidating.  The experience of a locked ward is one that is unforgettable.  The staff are not always there for the right reasons.  Medications for mental illnesses have difficult side effects that can cause physical changes.  Personally, I struggle with a tremor that is obvious and makes everyone assume I am nervous.  These are some of the more obvious reasons why mental health is a difficult subject.

                    But, what is the consequence of the label, “Mentally Ill.” Or, “Bipolar.”  How does it feel to be a professional patient?  Isn’t that the consequence of receiving the diagnosis and being told one is disabled?  I have not been able to maintain employment due to my mental illness, therefore living on disability payments and scratching by financially.  How do you think that makes me feel?  We all know that the Republicans in congress do not look favorably on people like me, living on handouts and charity.  So, how can I respect myself?  See myself favorably?  Feel my own self-worth?  The answer is:  I know that I am so much more than my diagnosis.  My diagnosis is not who I am.  My name is Gaelle, my name is not bipolar.  I have something of value to offer this world simply by being me.  That’s it, nothing more.  I have worth.             

        Honestly, the realization that I am more than my diagnosis was something that took time.  I tried to keep my mental illness a secret.  I feared that people would not see me the way I wanted to be seen if only they knew the truth.  Now, I understand that valuable friends love me for me.  The people who judge me or shade me with stigma are not worth my tears.  I encourage anyone who is feeling ashamed of a diagnosis to step back.  See the information given to you as power in your hands to better understand yourself and aid with treatment and recovery.  There is always hope for a better ending.  We have the control to make positive decisions about our futures.  My personal motto is: Never Give Up!!!  The healing I have experienced over the years is amazing, and it is the reason I was inspired to write such an intimate post.  Mental illness is real, yes, and treatable, and recovery is possible.  Do not let the label define you.  Every human life holds value.  Thank you for reading a little of my story.  If you are someone struggling with mental illness and/or suicidality, please ask for help.  I have included the link below for The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.  Blessings, G.    

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