The Ladybug

Tag: Personal Growth

  • The ‘Ber Months: Enjoying my Favorite Time of Year, Grateful to be Alive!

    Thank you so much to my readers of The Ladybug Blog! I thought that the last time I wrote an entry would be the beginning of a comeback. However, life got lifey! There were other events that the universe had in mind for me. As a result, I stopped writing for a couple of months. Let’s catch up!  

    I would like to begin by saying that even though my life throughout the last two months has looked difficult to outsiders, I truly feel incredibly grateful. First, I am alive! I was not sure I was going to be able to say that recently. I’ve had two stays on hospital medical floors, and a stint in physical therapy/occupational therapy rehab between the two hospitalizations. Thankfully, I am now typing to you from my home apartment again. I have been placed on strict bedrest by my team of medical doctors, and my friends and family are reinforcing the importance of the rest. 

    So, with these difficulties, why am I feeling blessed instead of worn down? I truly feel that my life is a gift. Yes, I live with multiple chronic illnesses which have recently been in flares. But I realized how fleeting life can be as I lay in a hospital bed hooked up to heart monitors, oxygen, liquids, breathing treatments, and various IV medications. All I could think about was that I did not want to die. I have so much more to accomplish in this life, and I would never want to leave my family and friends. Life is such a precious gift!! 

    Perhaps I sound a bit stereotypical! The hospital patient faced with death who comes around to loving life even more. However, that is truly how I feel. God is Good, and I will praise Him for every moment left that I have on this earth. I savor my family and friends who have supported me so lovingly throughout these past months. Thank you! Also, thank you to my incredible professional support team, both medical doctors and mental health practitioners. In addition, I’ve had some truly wonderful hospital staff and PT/OT rehab staff. And my church family that has been concerned about my wellbeing are incredible. I feel held in prayer in a way that I have never experienced before in my life. There has not been a single moment that I have felt alone. I must also state that I firmly believe that God sent some of my “Team” from beyond. These are loved ones that have already passed and remain my guardian angels. It has taken a village to keep me surviving, and I do not take it for granted. Thank you to all, I am the luckiest girl ever!

    Now to the title of this piece, the ‘ber months as they are often called on social media memes. September has flown by for me with the events I just described. But this is my favorite time of year, and I am determined to enjoy it. Perhaps it will look different in 2026, as I will be mostly convalescing in bed. I have my bed facing two windows in my apartment, and I love watching the leaves fall to the ground. The colors of the trees as they begin their journey towards winter always make me happy. In addition, the alternating crisp cool sunny days and windy rainy afternoons makes New England weather interesting. I have discovered a new seasonal Starbucks iced latte that I truly think is my favorite coffee drink ever! And let’s not forget that my birthday is October 25, making me both a Halloween baby and a Scorpio. What could be better? Well, maybe Christmas. The holiday with family traditions I look forward to the most.

    I am blessed that even as life is getting harder all over the world, I still live a completely luxurious existence. I have good food, wonderful warm shelter, nice clothes, electricity, enough money to get by, and most of all a loving community around me. Yes, recently life has thrown me multiple curved balls. I will admit that there have been a few tears and desperate prayers. But I refuse to feel sorry for myself or let my struggles get me down. Again, God is Good, and I want to stay alive long enough to serve Him and thank Him.  

    Dear readers, please be patient with me as I re-enter my writing world while recovering from my health difficulties. I have a BIG announcement planned for the next blog entry, The Ladybug #50, so please keep your eyes alert for that soon!  And remember, even in the scariest and darkest of times, there is always always a light. Keep your heart open, and God will Bless you. 

    With Love, G. 

  • Perfectionism Part 3: Body Image Ideals in America are Harmful 

    Dear readers, I am aware that discussing any aspect of body image can be potentially triggering, especially to those individuals diagnosed with eating disorders.  I, myself, was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at age 20, after starting to display symptoms in my late teen years.  Due to my own experiences, I will endeavor to make this article sensitive to those who struggle.  However, I want everyone to honor their own boundaries with the topic.  With that spirit in mind, let us start to talk… 

    One of the most freeing phrases that I ever heard during my eating disorder recovery journey was: your body is not a project.  I have always felt a great deal of pressure my whole life to micro-manage my appearance, especially my weight.  I used to wear heavy make-up, dye my hair, follow all the latest fashions of dress, and starve my body.  In the USA, women who identify as cis-gender females are placed under a huge amount of pressure to groom ourselves into oblivion, even to go so far as to consume diet pills and under-go plastic surgery.  There is an expected, and, frankly, un-achievable, ideal “look” that we must work towards.  Lots of money is poured into this industry of beauty and the pursuit of feminine perfection. 

    Well, now I am saying to it all: F*#ck You!!  My body is not a project.  I look the way I look, and as long as I am healthy, then I am satisfied with my appearance.  In my current world, after being severely ill for 6 and a half months, being healthy and strong in my body image is way more important to me than being glamorous.   

    In addition, I have had a shift over the last few months as to how I identify in my beauty image.  I would now say that I am more of an androgenous female than a typical cis-gendered female.  Some days I am glammed up and girly, while other days I feel comfortable in flannel, jeans, and winter boots.  The identity of androgyny allows for this flexibility, being somewhere in the middle, neither feminine nor masculine.  My studies at university allowed me to gain more exposure to the differing worlds of gender identity, and, after writing a paper on androgyny, I felt so much more connected to my true self. 

    I’m beginning to wonder why I have been spending the last 20 or so years trying to be thin and cute.  Why have I cared what society thought of me?  The dream of being the perfect model from the pages of a women’s magazine or following the latest wellness trend has not been making me healthier or more beautiful, it has been killing me.  As one of my friends said to me recently regarding the weight-loss drug craze, “It seems to be a sickness in our society that is unique to America.”  I am grateful for her honest assessment, and I could not agree more.  American wellness culture, and the corresponding products and medications that feed the system with millions of dollars, just harm the very humans they claim to be aiding. 

    So, I am choosing to be free from the trap of twisting myself up-side down to meet the societal beauty standards.  I encourage you to free yourself as well!  Wherever you are on the body-image road, whether you are struggling with disordered eating, or you are struggling with the pursuit of the wellness community, coined often as orthorexia, I invite you to take a moment to pause.  Think about what your goals are with your appearance and resulting health.  Are you simply chasing an impossible beauty standard?  Or are you investing heavily in a financial way to bring about a drastic figure change?  The only investment that I now believe is honestly worth it, and will bring about the most joy, is the time and energy to be healthy, happy, and authentically YOU!!  There is no reason to conform to any other standard or request from an industry that will not pay you back.   

    These revelations have taken me years to reach!  From wandering hospital hallways with a feeding tube up my nose to over-exercising, to starving and to binging, I have finally arrived at a moment of peace.  Just be where your body desires and forget what America might think.  You will be surprised how much mental room will be created in your head when you let go, and how much room in your wallet you will discover.  Bodies are meant to be all different shapes and sizes.  Food is meant to be joyful and shared, bringing friends and family together.  Exercise is meant to destress and strengthen, without pushing too far.  Try out a few of my radical ideas and see how much tension in your life will lift.  I hope my years of pain can be turned into something helpful for others.   

    To conclude, I would like to provide you with an example from my own life.  While I have been ill recently, I was told repeatedly by my doctors to be on bedrest.  But I kept pushing to be active and exercise, because I was afraid of gaining too much weight while “lying around being sick.”  Finally, I basically collapsed into my own bed and rested for 2 weeks.  I purposefully lay around, watched Netflix, and ate high-calorie and high-protein foods to strengthen my body which was hard at work fighting a serious infection.  Finally, after 2 weeks in bed, I emerged for a 1-mile walk.  Then, I rested.  Next, a 2-mile walk.  Then, I rested.  Testing the waters slowly to see how much exercise I could build up to.  I continued to eat whatever I wanted, especially if it was high in calories.  None of this was done with losing weight in mind.  Rather, I was hoping to gain weight, and re-grow some of my once thick curly hair and beautiful nails.   

    Take my words to heart, readers, and do not learn the hard way as I have.  Listen to your doctors regarding health and rest.  Do not put the demands of the un-healthy “wellness” industry first.  Get quiet within, listen to what your body needs, and act accordingly.  Beauty is fleeting, but longevity and happiness are true goals to live by.  With that advice, I wish you blessings and peace in your journeys.  Love, G.