The Ladybug

Tag: Hope

  • I’m Back! Let’s Talk Honestly About Anxiety and Faith

    I feel anxious.  I have been anxious all day.  Do you ever feel anxious?  It is hard for me to understand my anxiety, and even harder to control it.  I used to apply various substances as balms for my anxious mental health: cigarettes, alcoholic drinks, and benzodiazepine pills.  However, I now keep to a strict sober lifestyle.  So, what to do?  Over the years, psychologists have had me try all the usual “healthy” interventions, such as cognitive behavioral therapy or yoga and meditation.  And, yes, yoga and guided meditation are tools that I use on a regular basis.  However, when the anxiety is high and my system is on alert, these milder aids do nothing for me.   I need to invoke that which is higher.

                Prayer.  Praying is the ultimate soothing release for my anxious tendencies.  These prayers are messy and unfiltered.  They sometimes are not even coherent sentences or words.  God knows exactly what I need before I pray about it, and when I reach towards Him, the relief comes quickly.  It is amazing to me that I worship a God who loves me so much that He accepts all my worries and concerns, whether large or small.  Everything is okay, I can turn it over to the One who is really in charge.  Thank God! 

                Perhaps you find my approach to simple?  Do you doubt that prayers whispered in urgency can really relieve tough anxious pain?  You are not alone, I used to feel that way, too.  My faith as a young adult in my early 20’s was pretty much non-existent.  I was going through a challenging time with my mental wellbeing, and I thought God had abandoned me.  There were many moments when I wanted to give up.  However, through the love of my family and friends, and the support of professionals, I survived.  My faith in God began to resurface, and I started a long journey back to being a believer in Christ.  Many times, my faith has been tested over the years.  There have been scary times with both my physical and mental health.  But God has always saved and protected me.  In gratitude I have turned my life over to Him. 

    For example, my recent long absence from this blog, The Ladybug, was due to a serious physical illness.  I woke up April 20, 2025, Easter Sunday, and was dreadfully sick.  The eventual diagnosis was a tick-borne illness similar to Malaria, and I was placed on lots of medication and rest.  I needed help to do everything, because my abilities with basic living were impacted.  I have taken a long break from posting current photos of myself online, due to the full-body rash that itched and bothered me.  I struggled with a constant fever and abdominal pain on both sides of my chest.  Part of my relapse with anxiety is a consequence of the illness as well, because it attacks the nervous system.  Perhaps the worst symptom has been the fatigue and exhaustion, which I can only compare to how I felt when I had covid-19.  All to say, it would have been so easy to give up on God and just get mad at the situation I was in. 

    But instead, my faith is what got me through, and is continuing to sustain me through, all these recent tough days!  God is Good!  He loves me and longs to be in relationship with me, talking through prayer and devotion.  Again, He surrounded me with loving people, my parents, and doctors, and I was never alone.  Yes, I had moments of self-pity and despair, but overall, my feeling is one of gratitude for God’s great gift of life.  I hope my story can inspire you to try saying a prayer.  Are you anxious?  Are you unhappy?  Going through a struggle?  Pray.  Whisper a few words to the maker of the universe, and wait to hear His whisper back.  We are never alone, and there is no problem in this life that Jesus has not already walked through.  Let go and trust.  Reach out and He will hold you close in return.

    Wishing You Peace, G.

    PS I am still in recovery from the tick-borne illness, but stay tuned to The Ladybug!  New posts will be going up!!  Thank you to my readers!

  • Can I Comment on Your Body?

    In the American media, how many times have you read comments about the bodies of celebrities?  She is too fat, he is jacked, she needs Ozempic, and the classic, she looks sick!  Reporters, influencers, and everyday people all seem to feel entitled to make judgments about the body shape and size of anyone who dares to step in front of a camera’s flashbulb.  In addition, this attitude of criticizing bodies translates to personal examples in the lives of ordinary people.  I, personally, have been told both that I was obese, and how great I looked when I lost a substantial amount of weight.  My question is: why is my body any of your business?  How dare anyone busy themselves with considering my shape and appearance.  How dare they torture famous women and men with harassing comments only meant to criticize.  So, as my own protest to these actions, let us consider here in The Ladybug a little education on body image.

                First, I would like to state the obvious: bodies come in all forms and sizes.  There is no one body that is better than any other.  The term, “fat,” should not be considered an insult.  The look of thinness should not be considered an ideal.  Why should we let society dictate how we feel about our own bodies?  The only thing that matters is the health of our bodies.  This should not be determined by the BMI (Body Mass Index), but by measures such as blood pressure and lab tests.  If your body is healthy and functioning correctly, your weight and shape should be accepted as beautiful no matter the number on the scale.  The diversity in bodies is something to celebrate!  It would be terribly boring if we all looked the same.  So, why do we try to force our poor bodies to conform to an image that is expected of us.  Women, specifically, are taught to shrink themselves into America’s vision of beauty.  I say, let your body find its happy set point, the size where it wants to maintain itself naturally, and enjoy.  Your unique body is a gift, embrace it!

                Second, you may be asking yourself how I can speak so freely about the diversity in bodies.  Perhaps, you might wonder if I do not feel the pressure to look acceptable.  However, let me assure you that I have come to this rebellious standpoint on body image through my own struggles.  I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 20 years old, after I fell into the behaviors of a serious eating disorder at age 18.  I am still not fully recovered from my eating disorder 20 years later, but I am committed to the fight.  For years, I cycled through hospital hallways and the offices of dieticians.  Sometimes, it felt like I would never make peace with food, and there seemed to be no escape.  One must eat every day to stay alive, and, so, I confronted my eating disorder at mealtimes and felt its cruel thoughts that rocked my mind.  But, little by little, the therapies I was receiving and the supports of family and friends began to make a difference in my healing.  In addition, as my faith in God deepened, I realized that I was not alone in my battles with food and body image.  I have come a long way, and today I have drawn a truce with my body.  I seek to love my body and give her what she needs.  Specifically, I ask her daily what she desires, and I approach eating with an intuitive mind.  Do I love my weight?  No.  But I actively choose to not focus my energies anymore on the number I see on a scale.  It means nothing about my worth as a person, and I firmly believe that statement. 

                Third, let me give some advice.  Do NOT make comments about other people’s bodies.  Obey this rule NO Matter What!  If you want to know why someone put on weight or lost it, then say Nothing, because it is not your concern.  There are so many reasons why bodies change.  Reasons for shape changes can be aging, health concerns, eating disorders, medication side effects, etc.  The only reason to discuss someone’s weight with them is if they bring it up themselves.  Also, commenting on the weight of a pregnant woman is a no-go, they are growing a human!  Suggesting that a man or woman, “hit the gym,” is also completely unacceptable.  There are many forms of movement and exercise, and one should choose movement that is joyful and provides happiness.  I, myself, need to rest a lot due to my chronic health problems, and I am not physically able to maintain a strict exercise regime.  Society would like me to feel guilty about this fact, however, I refuse to force my body to do something she is not capable of just so that I may fit in.  When it comes to health advice, leave it to a trained medical professional.  Commenting on body image, exercise, and weight loss/gain is never a smart idea.

                In conclusion, I would like to reach out to my sisters and brothers who are struggling with eating disorders.  It is a difficult road, and treatment is not always affordable.  Many suffer in silence.  Please, if you are experiencing trouble with eating or negative body image, reach out for help through any means available.  Eating disorders are serious and deadly.  However, breaking the stigma and ending the silent suffering of those who experience any type of disordered eating is crucial.  If you are a family member or friend of someone with an eating disorder, my advice is to love them and stand by them.  They need your support and healing presence.  I have linked below The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) and The Multi-Service Eating Disorders Association, INC (MEDA).  I have personally received assistance from both organizations, and I can recommend their support services. 

    Finally, do not succumb to the pressures of American culture, which supports a twisted concept of body image and weight.  Instead, be a rebel, and embrace your own beautiful, wonderful, unique body with all your heart and mind.  You are already perfect, so go be authentically you!

    With Acceptance, G.

    P.S. I have displayed below a photo of myself at the 2019 NEDA Walk in Boston, MA.

    Home – National Eating Disorders Association

    MEDA Inc. | Multi-Service Eating Disorders Association

  • Faith: A Power Higher Than Trump

    Recently, I posted a blog on The Ladybug discussing my blessings during the reign of Trump.  Today, I would like to further expand upon the idea that blessings exist during difficult times, by sharing my personal faith.  The news in the USA has only been getting scarier and scarier.  How do we cope with our fears?  How do we manage the harsh realities that are flooding our lives from the new Trump administration?  I am a person who relies on government agencies and policies that have long been in place.  Now, I feel that I am a sitting duck with a gun pointed at my head, as the democratic government I hold dear tumbles down.  Is there anything I can do?  Of course I can take political action by calling my representatives.  And, I can resist and protest in the streets.  But, what about internal action?  How do I protect my peace?

                The answer for me is: by digging into my faith in God.  I identify as a progressive Christian, and my faith in the love and protection of Jesus has seen me through many dark days in my life.  God is always faithful to me, and my peace of mind is guaranteed when I am faithful to him in return.  In the Bible, Jesus says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.” This quote is from the Gospel of John 16:33.  Many believe that being a Christian should mean an easy walk through life.  However, God does not promise that we never see troubles, simply that He is with us during every moment of our troubles.  He sees us through the storm.  We live in a fallen world, where heartache and death are realities.  But do not forget, Jesus conquered death by rising on the third day following His crucifixion.  He can help you and I overcome anything! 

                I would like to share a personal story about my life as an example of the healing powers of faith.  I have struggled with alcoholism since I was 20 years old.  I did not get serious about sobriety until I was 31 years old.  I now have 6 and ½ years sober from alcohol.  This journey through my addiction has been marked by tears, danger, and denial.  There were many people in my life that wanted me to stop drinking before I decided to try to sober up.  I hurt those closest to me.  I never would have achieved a sober day without the grace of God.  It takes a village to support the recovery of an addict, and that village must be guided by a higher power.  I decided to get sober after I lived through a near-death experience.  I realized that if I had died, I would have left my life a mess.  I thanked God that I survived, and dedicated myself to sobriety.  The journey has not been easy, and I still take only one day at a time.  I struggle with my addiction every day, and every day God is Good and keeps me sober.  I could have died, but here I am, living still and living clean!

                My hope in sharing my personal story of how faith saved me from alcoholism, is to inspire you to reach out to God no matter what mountain you are facing.  He alone can aid you. His love will comfort you through the rough days of your own journey.  Perhaps you are stressed and frightened by the current political climate.  Perhaps you are financially tapped out.  Maybe, you just lost a loved one and are grieving.  Whatever the circumstance, do not rely on your own strength, but reach towards God and His strength.  We are never alone in our struggles.  You never have to feel alone.  I may be scared by what is coming in the next days and months of the Trump administration, but I know that I will be okay in the end.  If it is not okay, then it is not the end.  How do I know?  Because, I believe in a loving and powerful God who wants to help me and is by my side through thick and thin.  All you need do is ask.  A simple prayer.  “God, help me.”  He will hear you, and He is faithful.  Dig into what is beyond Trump or any of his leaders, the higher power, and rely on God to bring you to better days.

                In Love and Peace, G.