The Ladybug

Tag: Honesty

  • The Gifts of Friendship: Some Honest Reflections

    Dear readers, writing to you in The Ladybug Blog keeps me honest.  Tonight I would like to share my appreciation for my friends.  And in the name of honesty, I have a confession: I believe that I have been taking my friends for granted.  You see, I have a small group of very close friends.  I have been blessed to have known most of these friends for over a decade, and in some cases more than two decades.  It is interesting, however, how friendships change, shift, and grow as differing phases of adulthood occur.   

    For example, I have moved twice in the last two years, both times to places that were distant from some of my best friends.  And yet, with the gifts of modern technology, I have been able to keep my friendships solid.  That’s not to say that I haven’t lost some connections, and I feel a lot of sadness over friendships lost, but I am by no means alone.  Zooming, texting, Facebook messaging, all of these are ways that I have still “seen” my friends.  In-person gathering has been rarer, but again, it has occurred enough to make me feel supported.  I am truly blessed with the wonderful array of smart, talented, compassionate, loving, and faithful women (and a few men) in my life!  

    Both times that I have moved recently, it was to new towns where I had never visited before.  I found making new connections difficult with the first move.  I am hoping that this second, most recent move will go better as far as finding meaningful companions.  It has been tempting as I sit in my bed alone typing furiously on my keyboard at night to feel lonely and a bit lost in space.  Those are the moments when it is most crucial to recall memories and the recent phone calls or texts from my community of people who love me.  And truly, what more could I ask for?   

    I know that I have hinted at failed romantic relationships in previous blogs, and out of respect for my former partners I will never write a tell-all.  I would simply like to say that being single (yes, now you know I’m single currently!) while being an independent 39-year-old woman living on her own is no easy task.  I am also childfree, as well as fur baby free, at the moment, and so I have no one to snuggle with!  Most people in the USA follow a prescribed pattern of dating, get serious, marriage, house and two cars, fur baby, and finally one to three children, and work or become a housewife.   

    Well, I have taken the road less travelled.  I am selective about romantic partners, and though I believe I have met some truly special people in my life, it has never seemed to work out the right way at the right time.  In addition, I do not want children or stepchildren.  I am a very proud Auntie, and that is the right gift for me!  Do I even want to get married someday at this point?  I do not know, honestly.  So many bad dating experiences have dotted my landscape that I am no longer sure.  After a while, a love for independence and freedom takes over, and I feel that it has become harder for someone to catch me.  And yet, late at night, there is gnawing loneliness again.  

    BUT, that is why my friendships are so important!  Single people, especially women, need their best girlfriends to keep them going through all the triumphs and failures of life!  And I am happy to hear about the lives of my friends; I love to listen to their experiences.  I have friends in all walks of life, age, and life situations.  I believe that the differences between us make our friendships even stronger because I can learn from my girlfriends.  I may never be a mother, but I want to support my friends and their children.  I believe that family is a gift in every form it takes.  I, personally, value my own family deeply.  My parents and I are close, and I endeavor to support them as they change and grow.  I have also learned a great deal from my male friends, that there are decent men in the world, and that some men can be kind and treat women well.  All my friends form a community that is like family.  And I am grateful to God for such a wonderful gift! 

    Readers of The Ladybug, do yourselves a favor and reach out to a friend after reading my post.  Maybe even one that you have not talked to in a while.  All of us feel the human condition of loneliness, and existential angst; it is good to know that our little hearts are not alone.  God blesses us with friends to share life’s burdens and joys with, go ahead and reach out, you will be glad that you did! And if we are, or were, friends or acquaintances of any kind, I want you to know that you are valued and respected; Thank you for being a part of my story!

    Go in Joy, G. 

  • I’m Back! Let’s Talk Honestly About Anxiety and Faith

    I feel anxious.  I have been anxious all day.  Do you ever feel anxious?  It is hard for me to understand my anxiety, and even harder to control it.  I used to apply various substances as balms for my anxious mental health: cigarettes, alcoholic drinks, and benzodiazepine pills.  However, I now keep to a strict sober lifestyle.  So, what to do?  Over the years, psychologists have had me try all the usual “healthy” interventions, such as cognitive behavioral therapy or yoga and meditation.  And, yes, yoga and guided meditation are tools that I use on a regular basis.  However, when the anxiety is high and my system is on alert, these milder aids do nothing for me.   I need to invoke that which is higher.

                Prayer.  Praying is the ultimate soothing release for my anxious tendencies.  These prayers are messy and unfiltered.  They sometimes are not even coherent sentences or words.  God knows exactly what I need before I pray about it, and when I reach towards Him, the relief comes quickly.  It is amazing to me that I worship a God who loves me so much that He accepts all my worries and concerns, whether large or small.  Everything is okay, I can turn it over to the One who is really in charge.  Thank God! 

                Perhaps you find my approach to simple?  Do you doubt that prayers whispered in urgency can really relieve tough anxious pain?  You are not alone, I used to feel that way, too.  My faith as a young adult in my early 20’s was pretty much non-existent.  I was going through a challenging time with my mental wellbeing, and I thought God had abandoned me.  There were many moments when I wanted to give up.  However, through the love of my family and friends, and the support of professionals, I survived.  My faith in God began to resurface, and I started a long journey back to being a believer in Christ.  Many times, my faith has been tested over the years.  There have been scary times with both my physical and mental health.  But God has always saved and protected me.  In gratitude I have turned my life over to Him. 

    For example, my recent long absence from this blog, The Ladybug, was due to a serious physical illness.  I woke up April 20, 2025, Easter Sunday, and was dreadfully sick.  The eventual diagnosis was a tick-borne illness similar to Malaria, and I was placed on lots of medication and rest.  I needed help to do everything, because my abilities with basic living were impacted.  I have taken a long break from posting current photos of myself online, due to the full-body rash that itched and bothered me.  I struggled with a constant fever and abdominal pain on both sides of my chest.  Part of my relapse with anxiety is a consequence of the illness as well, because it attacks the nervous system.  Perhaps the worst symptom has been the fatigue and exhaustion, which I can only compare to how I felt when I had covid-19.  All to say, it would have been so easy to give up on God and just get mad at the situation I was in. 

    But instead, my faith is what got me through, and is continuing to sustain me through, all these recent tough days!  God is Good!  He loves me and longs to be in relationship with me, talking through prayer and devotion.  Again, He surrounded me with loving people, my parents, and doctors, and I was never alone.  Yes, I had moments of self-pity and despair, but overall, my feeling is one of gratitude for God’s great gift of life.  I hope my story can inspire you to try saying a prayer.  Are you anxious?  Are you unhappy?  Going through a struggle?  Pray.  Whisper a few words to the maker of the universe, and wait to hear His whisper back.  We are never alone, and there is no problem in this life that Jesus has not already walked through.  Let go and trust.  Reach out and He will hold you close in return.

    Wishing You Peace, G.

    PS I am still in recovery from the tick-borne illness, but stay tuned to The Ladybug!  New posts will be going up!!  Thank you to my readers!