The Ladybug

Tag: Higher Power

  • Finding Peace Through God’s Purpose 

    Dear readers, today is a difficult day for me personally. I’m going to share some tough news, but don’t worry, I also am going to offer some positive reflections. I just emailed the documents to the university that I have attended since the Fall 2021 semester, to officially withdraw as a student without completing my degree. I am feeling quite sad about this decision. However, I also know in my core that it is the right move at this time in my life. I have been struggling with my physical health increasingly since I arrived home on the evening of Christmas 2024. I faced the tricky option of whether to take just one class in the Spring 2025 semester, which began in January 2025, and I decided to go for it. This turned out to be a mistake. 

    I began facing worse health challenges in April 2025, and they have lasted right up to today as I lay in bed typing this blog. I took an incomplete in the Spring 2025 class, and I finally finished the course, with a grade of “A,” at the end of January 2026. The deadline for finishing it was February 1st, 2026, and I came dangerously close to receiving a grade of “F” for a late completion. This last course that I took really opened my eyes to how impossible school had become for me. With increasing brain fog and debilitating fatigue, the schoolwork I once loved now felt like torture. I would read the same sentences repeatedly in my textbook, trying to understand the concepts and theories.  

    Due to the experiences with my final class, and the advice of my doctors, I typed an email to the withdrawal specialist at the university and asked her to help me leave. She sent me the appropriate pages, and as I said, I have now completed them and withdrawn from school. It feels impossible not to experience a certain sense of failure after working so hard on my degree and now not finishing it. However, perhaps these sensations are a little more emotionally charged because I have dropped out of school multiple times due to both mental and physical health. It appears that, at least for now, I can say that I am not going to achieve a bachelor’s degree. 

    BUT…wait, why do I feel like a failure?! I want to unpack this a bit. God has given me a very strong message through this whole process that He has plenty of work for me to do for His kingdom in this world, and that I have already achieved a great deal. I believe that part of my problem with seeing the word “failure” as a description for my life is due to the expectations of success that the USA society places on its inhabitants. We are told to have Big careers that make a lot of money, and as women, to find marriage partners, have babies, buy houses, own 2 or more cars, and have large bank accounts. This line-up of events all begins with the attainment of a college bachelor’s degree, and then possibly a graduate or even a doctorate degree.  

    What happens when someone takes a different road? Am I feeling so low right now because I could not achieve what I was supposed to do? I have faced many challenges in my life, struggling with both multiple mental, as well as physical, chronic illnesses. Honestly, just surviving and being alive at 39 years and 7 months old is a huge achievement for me! In addition, I have dedicated my life to doing volunteer work that I feel God calls me towards, especially volunteering for churches. I also spent years volunteering for the local hospital in my hometown, beginning at age 14 and ending when I was in my early 30’s. I value family and friend time, and try to make helping my loved ones a priority.  

    And then there is writing. This has been a passion for my whole life. I began keeping a journal around age 7, and I still have one to this day. In addition, I have always loved writing assignments in any form, whether for school, church, or personal pursuits. When I was younger, I rode horses and hoped to make that love into a career. Unfortunately, that was not to be, but I think the only thing that I love the same is writing. At the end of December 2024, I began The Ladybug Blog, as a new project for 2025. Now in June 2026, you are reading the 46th post of that endeavor. It has been a joy to create the blog and share my life with my readers! I may even have another big announcement coming soon with regards to my writing, so watch this space for news soon!! 

    Furthermore, in a devotional of the Methodist guide The Upper Room, I read a post recently that comforted my heart. I felt that God was speaking directly to me. This quote was written by Steve Wakefield, and goes, “Through my small acts, God will do more than I can imagine.” I feel inspired to not belittle myself. My actions matter, large or small. In addition, I just listened to one of the Calm App’s meditations called The Daily Jay by Jay Shetty. He urged the listeners to think of daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly questions that they could ask themselves for reflection and personal growth. Through my experiences today with contemplating school and the American style of hustle and achievements, I believe that my daily and weekly question will be, “Dear God, what small acts can I do to please you today and going forward?” After all, the call on my life as a progressive Christian is to please God and follow His Will for my life. This will be my focus. 

    The lesson I am walking away with this afternoon is that I am not meant to live for what this world tells me I should do or be. God is my leader. My current prayer after these many thoughts is, “Jesus, guide my path.” I may be feeling disappointed, and a natural let-down with the loss of school, but I have plenty to look forward to in my life. I have plenty to keep me feeling fulfilled and remembering always that God is Good. If you are questioning your worth, dear readers, I suggest you meditate on some of the points in this post and see if you can relax your mind and spirit towards a better place. Life and purpose are about so much more than accomplishments. God loves you, and so do I!  

    With All My Love, G. 

    PS I am not sponsored by any of the publications or meditations mentioned in this writing! 

  • How to Praise God on Difficult Days 

    Dear readers of The Ladybug, do you ever have days that are intensely stressful and you wonder how to say “Thank You” to God at the end of them? I had one such day today. For personal reasons, to protect others, I cannot outline for you the details of the stressful situations today. Regardless, I will just state that more than one event unfolded that pushed my mind and body to the limits. I am now lying in bed with my laptop and trying to decompress myself. When I started to say “Grace” before my dinner, I realized that I didn’t want to say my usual line at the end of the prayer. This is the usual statement, “Dear God, Thank You for all of the blessings of this life, I praise Your Holy wonderful Name!”  

    Instead, tonight I felt resentful towards God. I wanted to complain to Him, and frankly, be pissed off. So, I took a deep breath and said my usual prayer statement anyway. A nice f*ck you to the devil, ha-ha! Then, I felt inspired to write this post, because I realized that I am probably not alone with sometimes reacting this way to a bad day.  

    So, I have decided to tell you what went “right” today. Because I firmly believe that there is always something to thank God for, even if it is just the fact that you are still on the correct side of the grass. However, today I have more than only my life to be thankful for. To name a couple of items: I had a matcha green tea latte AND an iced coffee with oat milk. These are my two favorite drinks of choice. Living in a sober lifestyle and having them both on the same day is a big treat!  

    Also, I had enough money in my normally small bank account to buy myself a new yoga mat. Recently, yoga has become a major coping skill for me. I had not practiced it consistently for years, and so I began with chair yoga to strengthen my muscles and re-build my skills. Now, I feel ready to tackle more traditional forms of yoga on a floor mat. This was an exciting purchase for me! In addition to being relaxing, I have found yoga to be a form of movement that my physically weak body can manage better than some more intensive workouts for the time being. I am on a slow, but steady, fitness journey after major illness, and this yoga mat is the next step! 

    Third on my list is the fact that in my new apartment, I have my own washer and dryer for the first time ever! Maybe I am majorly “geeking out” with adulting here and showing my age but not having to share with other apartments or go to Mom and Dad’s house is a big deal! Suddenly, I love doing laundry. Having your own machines is an incredible luxury that most people in middle to upper class USA take for granted, but I have been poor ever since I’ve been on my own as an adult. Therefore, this is a big deal for me, and I am grateful to God. 

    Finally, and most importantly, one of the professionals who helps me with my mental health showed up for me in a big way today. I am blessed to work with some amazing people who assist me with my disabilities, and having services is also a big blessing. I know many people who “fall through the cracks” of the mental health system. They need services, and could benefit greatly, but they are not connected to the right agencies. I am truly humbled by the amazing people that I have met on my healing journey with mental illness and today was no exception. It was easy to thank God today for this person. 

    And…there you go! I have just written four paragraphs about the multitude of ways that God was Amazing today! I have thanked God in my heart over again, as I write and realize that I lead a truly wonderful life. If you have a bad day, I encourage you to try the same exercise. Pull out your journal, or a simple paper and pen, and write down anything that you can think of that did go well throughout your day. Your gratitude examples can be small and simple, but I bet you can think of a couple. Remember, God is always Good, He wants to provide a beautiful life for us little humans. When things go wrong, God wants to help us through. Reach out and Thank God, it will turn your mind in the right direction to focus on healing, instead of resentment. 

    Thank you to you, too, dear readers. My writing blesses me just as much as you, if not more so. I hope I have inspired you to have a peaceful night and find a good release for your own frustrations. Sending Hugs and Love, G. 

    PS The picture of Sunflowers is in memory of my beautiful Aunt, who loved them. 

  • Acceptance: A Better World than Self-Pity 

    I had a therapist quite a while ago that had a great saying: You can visit pity-city, but do not unpack and live there.  I believe that recently I have been visiting pity-city, and I am trying to cut the vacation short before I take up permanent residence.  You see, this is a dangerous place for me to live because suddenly all my mental and spiritual focus shifts onto me and me alone.  It is tempting to obsess over everything that seems to be going wrong in my life and feel sorry for myself, leading of course to the world’s best sulky mood.  And the ultimate question…why me?  If one’s life is not going as planned or as one would wish it to, pity-city is an obvious destination. 

    However, I plan to fight this mindset.  My bags are packed, and I am leaving pity-city ASAP.  So, where is my next stop?  I am taking the express train to radical acceptance.  To reference therapy again, radical acceptance is a practice I learned from a Dialectical Behavioral Therapist (DBT) during the 2020 pandemic.  And to be honest, at first, I really hated the idea.  Radical acceptance does not mean that I am saying the unhappy situation is okay and that I approve of it.  The practice is also not even saying that I enjoy or like the situation that I am in.  Rather, radical acceptance is simply a mindset of overcoming the misery of a life situation by accepting its reality in my life and moving on, so that I can endure the situation with less pain and suffering.  I may not like it, but it is what it is.   

    DBT was created by a mastermind therapist named Dr. Marsha M. Linehan for people with borderline personality disorder, but it can be applied broadly to anyone needing basic life skills in therapy.  I, personally, have found it very helpful.  DBT also has a mindfulness component that I find refreshing.  Over the years, I have used mindfulness meditations to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the situation I found myself in. My mom gifts me the Calm App (Not Sponsored!) every year for Christmas, and I find the guided meditations to be very helpful.  Meditating, even for a 10-minute session, can help me practice radical acceptance.  When I relax my mind and focus on my breath to steady myself, I have less bandwidth to focus on all my problems…which leads to less focus on self-pity.  I highly recommend trying a practice that aids you in stepping outside of your own world of pain and instead brings to reality a world where the imperfect can be accepted as not permanent, and therefore less threatening. 

    I began DBT group therapy at the young age of 20, but it was not until I was in my 30’s that I really began to appreciate its benefits.  I rebelled against the radical acceptance piece, often complaining to my therapist that it seemed impossible.  What has changed?  I guess with age comes wisdom, because now I can see that the more I ruminate on what is going wrong in my life, the stronger the problem will appear in my mind.  Acceptance of a negative situation is a challenge, but ultimately, it takes away the power that the pain has over you.  Breath.  Be still.  And trust in a Higher Power.   

    I call my Higher Power God, but it can be different for other people, what matters is having a source outside of yourself to rely on and gather strength from.  I do not believe that I could have survived without my faith in God.  Once I accept a situation that is causing me suffering, I hand it to God, and ask Him to take “the wheel,” and guide my path.  I know that I am only a little human, who cannot deal with a complicated life all on my own.   

    And this is why living in pity-city is such a bad idea.  When I am there, I feel separated not only from radical acceptance of my problems but also separated from God.  I am sealing myself off from support by dwelling in my misery.  Not a smart idea.  My hope in sharing these honest reflections is that they might help you, too, dear readers.  Nobody has an easy life, we all deal with something, or many somethings.  I encourage you to let go of any rumination, accept what may be painful, and hand it to a Higher Power who can provide your soul with relief.  My prayer in typing these words is that what I have learned the hard way over the years can be learned by someone else and aid that person to a better and happier life. 

    Go in Peace and Blessings, G. 

  • What Are We Asked to Carry? A Reflection for Hard Times. 

    Hello readers, welcome to the 40th post of The Ladybug Blog!  Are you struggling in the dark with all the difficult events going on in America and the world right now?  I would like to offer you some hope, please read on!  Today I would like to share a reflection I wrote for a church service on April 12, 2026.  Unfortunately, I am quite sick right now and could not deliver this reflection in person, but a kind member of the church stepped up and delivered it for me.  Thank you!  Here we go: 

    NH Church Sunday Reflection: 

    It is no secret that the world is a difficult place to live in for many people currently. We are witnessing war in more than one country, and America is becoming more divided than ever along political lines.  I feel that many of us are quite stressed now, and I would like to address that pain in today’s reflection.  The main question that I hear in my own heart is: why does God let us carry heavy things?  The answer to that is perhaps that God does not cause heavy circumstances in our lives, but instead, gives us the strength to carry them, and sometimes carries them for us.  I would like to tell you two stories, one fictional, and one from real life, to illustrate this point.  

    First, I would like to talk about the novel The Lord of the Rings, written by J. R. R. Tolkien, which I am currently re-reading.  The novel is large and is divided into 3 separate books.  It has also been turned into a very successful movie series which came to theaters in the early 2000’s. Maybe you are familiar?  For those of you who do not know the story, the main plot line is that there is an evil lord who creates an evil ring of gold that he pours his malice into. The ring causes lust for power, and it destroys all who bear it.    

    Fortunately, there are good soldiers in this fictional land who want to destroy the ring and its evil master.  Frodo Baggins, who is a creature called a hobbit, travels with his best friend Sam, who is also a hobbit, through the magical land of Middle Earth on a quest to destroy the ring.  Frodo is the ring bearer, and he wears it on a chain around his neck.  The burden of carrying the evil ring is not easy, and Frodo suffers daily from what he describes as a feeling of “heaviness.”  In addition, Frodo must try to resist the evil powers of the ring, which always tries to make its bearer want to turn towards wickedness.  

    At this point you may be wondering why I am telling you this fantastic tale? I believe we all deal with carrying difficult temptations to sin and turn to evil daily in this world.  We must carry much that could destroy us if we let it, but thankfully we have God’s grace to guide and protect us.  In the scripture reading 1 Corinthians 10:11-13, God promises that we will not be tempted beyond what we can bear.  We have Jesus and the Holy Spirit to strengthen us and guide us through our lives.  And, Frodo also has someone to help him, too: his best friend Sam.  To finish the tale for you, at the end of the story, when hope seems lost as Frodo and Sam are struggling to complete their journey, Sam literally picks up Frodo and begins to carry him on his shoulders.  Frodo can no longer go it alone, and he does not have to; Sam is there for him.  The evil ring is destroyed after a long trial for both Frodo and Sam.  In our lives, God is our best friend, who carries us when the difficulty of life is too great.  Remember, you are never alone.    

    Now, I would like to share a second story which is from the daily devotional guide in The Upper Room, written by Lauren Walker.  Lauren tells an honest account of her struggles growing up with her mother who was and is an alcoholic.  Lauren describes how angry she was at God for allowing herself to suffer so much with an alcoholic parent.  She did not have a good relationship with her mother.  Finally, one day Lauren began yelling at God.  As she did so, she began to feel a release, and God’s presence suddenly began to feel real to her.  Lauren realized that God could handle all her feelings of hurt and pain, and that He wished for her to simply communicate more with Him.  She began a practice of prayer and daily devotions with God.  It was not an instant cure for the years of suffering Lauren had experienced regarding her mother, but slowly and surely, talking to God helped Lauren heal.  Lauren expresses a thought for the day in The Upper Room, which is, “I can be honest with God, trusting that God will transform my heart.”  Prayer and communication with God can help us to bear pain.  God will change it into something that we can carry.  I invite all of you to let God help you to soar on wings like eagles, and run and not grow weary, and walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:27-31)!    

    In the Gospel of Matthew (Chapter 11:28-30), Jesus promises that His yoke is light.  Jesus loves his sheep, which is all of us together, you and me.  I encourage you to reach out to our Lord Jesus through prayer and feel the love that He has for God’s people. No matter the stress or difficulties you are carrying currently, Jesus understands, as one who has been to the cross.  On Easter, we celebrated Jesus’ triumph over suffering as He rose from the dead on the third day.  Let Jesus raise your hearts and help you carry your difficulties.  He is faithful.  The times we are living through currently are certainly requiring all of us to carry a heavy burden, but take heart, God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit will help us to live a life of love and light, even in the darkness.  We do not carry our burdens alone.  God bless all of you, Go in Peace.  Amen. 

    Walk On in God’s Strength, G. 

  • Welcome to The Ladybug 2026: My 3 Goals for the New Year! 

    Welcome to The Ladybug 2026!  If you are already a reader of my blog, thank you, and if you are new, here is a little bit of what to expect for the new year!  The themes for The Ladybug in 2025 were: Religion, Politics, and Lifestyle.  I wrote 33 posts during 2025, including an introduction.  In addition, I wrote, “Gaelle’s World,” so that my readers could learn a little about me and my motivations for the blog content.  So, let’s talk about what to expect this year as I write out my 3 personal goals.  These are not “resolutions,” they are goals.  The difference in my eyes is that the word resolution implies that something in life needs to be fixed, and for me, goals implies that I am simply adding some new exciting guides to my lifestyle.  The Ladybug, therefore, will still include themes of religion and politics, but I will not limit myself to those topics.  I would like to expand my lifestyle posts to discuss any content that I feel passionate about as the world continues to spin and change around us.   

    So, ready?  Here goes: 

    Goal 1) Increase time with God and connection to the Spirit of light and love.  I find that I can only survive life’s harsh realities and difficulties with the help of a Higher Power.  I cannot weather the journey alone.  Last year, I described myself as a “Progressive Christian,” but now I am not sure which label for my faith in God is best.  With the rise of the Christian Nationalist movement in the USA, I am uncomfortable to use the term Christian for fear that people will think that I have a right-wing political affiliation.  This could not be further from the truth, as I am a left-leaning liberal, and more and more I agree with the socialist Democrats such as AOC and Bernie Sanders.  The core of my faith is the belief that I must be the hands and feet of Jesus to those in need in a hurting world, and that includes the poor and those who are immigrants.  I believe that strength comes from God, not from myself, and so daily devotions that include guided meditations, Bible reading, and journal time are crucial.  If I want to spread love, I must first infuse myself with the love of Jesus.  Devotional time is like an oxygen mask to me, and after I put it on, I can then help others. 

    Goal 2) Learn how to rest in a healthy way.  As I have written previously on The Ladybug, I struggle with a multitude of chronic illnesses, the most difficult of which are hEDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, Hypermobile subtype) and Bipolar Disorder, Type 2.  I like to go, go, go, but then my body collapses, and I am quite literally bedridden.  In addition, when I have too much stress, my anxiety soars, and then I must have medication adjustments for my psychiatric meds.  Trust me, neither of these circumstances is fun.  However, I see two different therapists, one for my physical-health problems, and one for my mental-health problems, and they both told me at the end of the year 2025 that I must focus on learning the art of rest. This news was not welcome to my ears, because I am someone who is extroverted and loves to be busy.  Whether it is helping my local church, doing college coursework, or participating in charity walks such as 5k’s, this girl likes to aim for the stars.  However, the universe is quite literally telling me to slow down.  So, I am going to attempt in the new year to build in “rest days,” and learn to take better care of myself. 

    Goal 3) Live a simpler lifestyle, including decreasing my material possessions.  At the current moment, I feel like I am drowning in “stuff.”  This must end.  I need to practice what I preach with regard to my faith.  I have never wanted to be rich, and I feel choked by how many material goods I own.  Jesus called His disciples in the Bible to a simple life following Him, and I would like to live the same way.  I need to clean, de-clutter, and donate what is clogging my world.  Quality family and friend time are much more important to me than having many goods to hold onto.  I plan to discuss further my successes and struggles with simplifying my life in posts on The Ladybug, so stay tuned!   

    Well, readers, there are some of my thoughts as I enter the new year, as well as some of the themes that you can expect me to write about in 2026 in the blog.  I encourage reader participation, so please leave comments and feedback either here on WordPress, or on my social media pages (Facebook: Gaelle McLoud or Instagram: @gaellemcloud and Substack: @gaellemcloud). If you tune into my Instagram account, which is public, you can see a little more of how I live my life day-to-day.  I hope that you will join me in the adventure of 2026!  

    PS: This is the year I turn 40 years old! My birthday is in October 2026, so join me as I celebrate the adventure all year long! 🙂 

  • God’s Presence During Hardships

    How does one cope when times are overwhelming?  Recently, I have been feeling stressed for both societal and personal reasons.  The USA is in a difficult spot politically, with a constant stream of bad news.  In my own life, I am facing uncertainties medically, and am in a wait-and-see period.  However, I can honestly say that despite these set-backs, I am feeling grateful and blessed.  You may wonder if I am crazy and how this is possible…well, let me share my secrets.

                My faith in God is the core of my life.  I believe that I am never alone in the struggles I face.  There is a greater force in the universe that guides my path.  As a progressive Christian, this season of lent has been a time to draw closer to God and His promises for my life.  God never promises that life will be easy or pain free.  Instead, He assures us that we never travel this bumpy life alone.  We have a loving companion in Jesus Christ, who comforts our hearts and holds us while we shed tears.  There is a song that was written on the walls of a Nazi concentration camp during World War II by an anonymous author with the words, “I believe in God, even when He is silent.”  The incredible faith of the author amazes me.  During our tough times, God never disappears or walks away from us.  Even when we can not sense Him as strongly, He is right there with His loving arms wrapped around us. 

                You may be asking yourself; how do I connect to God if I can not feel Him?  My first answer is always the same: PRAY!  Prayer is a great communication tool that God has gifted to us.  Your prayer does not have to be perfect, pretty, or even make sense.  Just start talking.  Say what you need.  A simple prayer of HELP is always a good start.  Remember, God already knows what is going on in your life and what your needs are.  He’s waiting to establish a loving dialogue with you.  Another useful way to pray is to have a mantra, a word to repeat until you feel calm, such as “Abba” or “Father” or “Jesus.”  The idea of prayer is to create a bond between you and the spirit of God; therefore, the technicalities and perfections of your words do not matter, only that you try.  God is waiting to hear you!

                Another great way to connect with God and feel God’s peace is to appreciate the beauties of the natural world.  Depending on your circumstances and health, this may look like sitting in your back yard watching the birds, taking a walk in the woods, or even hiking a mountain trail.  I have always found something incredibly soothing about nature and enjoying God’s creation.  Meditation comes easily to me when I am alone with trees and flowers.  The noise of man-made vehicles and busy streets blocks me from relaxation.  However, if I can escape to a small moment of being “one with the universe” through observing nature, I feel I am at home.  Nothing can rattle me as I feel God gently whisper, “If I can care for all of this, how much more do I love you, dear one?”  When you feel like life is just too much to bear, find time to touch your palm to a tree trunk or flower petal, and know how much God loves you.

                Finally, take time to read God’s Word.  We are all very busy in American society, and taking time to read the Bible seems impossible at times.  It may also seem intimidating to read a book like the Bible, with so many stories you may wonder where to start.  I suggest finding a guided devotion that you enjoy to help your journey of the Word.  I use The Upper Room and The Bible App.  (Neither of these are sponsored) They are tools that help me to stay focused during my devotion time.  In addition, I find several of the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) books and meditation materials to be helpful in creating a spiritual reading program.  AA guidebooks are great if you are unsure of where to begin with the Bible.  Again, the purpose of studying written Word about God is not about trying to achieve perfection.  Rather, the purpose is to connect you with the loving presence of the Spirit, in hopes that your stress and loneliness melts away.  God is here, waiting for you to reach out!

                To return to the stressors I mentioned at the beginning of this post, both national news and personal medical concerns, I find everything easier to handle and digest when I have armed myself with a close and personal relationship with God.  I will say again, my faith is my rock, and it sees me through the difficulties of life.  I urge you to seek out God through the channels I have mentioned, or through your own creative pathways.  Connecting to a higher power is a chance to find freedom from your stress, and to let go of your burdens for a few hours and rest under God’s wings.  You do not have to face challenges by yourself.  There is a strength greater than human strength, and you can tap into that power for peace at any time, all you need do is ask.

                With Love, G.