The Ladybug

Tag: God is Good

  • Moving: My story of Adventure

    Is it Stressful or Not?

    Dear readers of The Ladybug, today I want to talk honestly about moving.  My friend bing.com says upon my search of how stressful moving is that the “Holmes-Rahe Social Readjustment Rating Scale assigns it a stress score of 42.69, ranking it 19th out of 43 life events.” I have included the link here: Bing.com Link Check it out for more detailed info!  However, I do not need statistics to inform me of the joys and woes of moving because I have now done it so many times myself!  But is it that stressful?  Read on for my opinions…  

    Let me take you on a little journey through my life story:  

    I was born in Brattleboro, VT and for the first 2 years of my life I lived with my Mom and Dad (I am an only child) in Grafton, Vermont.  Then we moved for 1 year to Bellows Falls, VT. All I can remember is that it was a very cold winter.  My earliest memories are of huddling up to the heating vents in the apartment.  Then we moved to Silver Springs, MD. I really hated Maryland.  I went from too cold to too hot!  Air conditioning was a must!  I think the problem is that I am a New England gal and always will be!  

    Finally, after 3 miserable years in the Maryland heat, my parents and I moved back to New England.  We settled in a moderate sized town in Massachusetts when I was 6 years old.  This became the place I think of as my hometown, located in central MA, right outside of the city of Worcester.  I lived with my parents in our family home, which was a big old Victorian Parsonage provided by the church where my Dad was a pastor.  I stayed there until I was 24 years old.   

    Then came adulting!  On August 1, 2011, I moved into my first apartment by myself.  However, it was not that much of an independence move because I was still in the same neighborhood that I grew up in. After staying there for only 1 year, I moved to another apartment by myself, still located in the same town.  I lived there for 2 and ½ years.  You may wonder if this was a case of “failure to launch,” but I struggled a lot in my 20’s with my mental health, and I needed my parents’ support.  In addition, I had the support of a case-management agency that I am still a client of to this day.  Chronic mental illness can improve, and mine has over time, but it has taken awhile. 

    I did eventually branch out.  When I moved into my 3rd apartment by myself, it was in a new town and neighborhood.  My Dad also retired that year.  While I was getting all independent, at age 28 now, my parents left me in Massachusetts and moved to their dream home in another New England state.  I was very nervous.  As I mentioned, I had relied heavily on my parents for support when I was battling my bipolar disorder symptoms throughout my 20’s. This was going to be a true test of whether I could begin adulting in earnest. 

    I am happy to report that I did pretty well.  I made friends and found a wonderful church that became like a family.  I also had a sweet cat named Ella, who was my emotional support animal.  I stayed in that town and apartment for 5 and ½ years, my longest foray into adulthood yet.  I was very content living there.  So, why did I eventually leave?  Unfortunately, the apartment developed a maintenance issue that the landlords were unwilling to repair, and it began to affect my health negatively.  I began an arduous search for a new apartment. 

    On March 1, 2020, I moved into a new apartment back in my hometown, although in a different neighborhood that I was unfamiliar with.  I thought I would get to explore and settle-in, BUT then the world shut down.  Covid-19 hit and I was hibernating in my new place, with only my cat Ella for company.  Covid-19 hit me hard personally as well.  From 2020 to 2023, I had covid-19 three times, and severely each time.  Once I ended up in the hospital, and twice I was diagnosed with long covid.  I did not do much for three years except lay in my bed, eat, watch TV, and try to care for Ella.  I gained 60 pounds.  It was certainly a low point in my life. 

    In early 2023, around February, I decided to take a year off from the University I had been attending online.  I focused on my health.  I did physical therapy for an extended time and began a long weight loss journey.  My church was thankfully still close to this 4th apartment, and so when it re-opened after the shutdown, I started to attend again.  Life opened up.  I found my joy returning.  I thought that I would be stable for a while.  Well, I was wrong! 

    In February 2024, I had no cats anymore after Ella passed, and another kitten had to be re-homed.  I became distinctly aware that my parents were aging fast.  I asked the director of the case management service (that I have my housing subsidy through) if I could move closer to Mom and Dad’s state line, while remaining in Massachusetts.  I knew that my mental and physical health still required me to stay in the best state for care.  In May 2024, I got my answer: Yes!  They had an apartment for me in Northern MA.  Time for apartment number 5!  Are you dizzying yet? 

    This was a hard move.  I said goodbye to a lot of dear friends that I still miss today.  I left my church that was my family.  I left my hometown and moved away the farthest that I had up to that point.  But it turned out to be just in time.  I was only in my new town and apartment for a couple months when my Mom severely injured herself, and my services were desperately needed.  I have a certificate degree from a community college in Nurse Assisting, and it came in handy!  Suddenly, for months on end, I was the new caretaker in the family.  I went back and forth from my apartment to my parents’ house, helping with every kind of care possible.  I was so glad that I could show up for Mom and Dad that way, after all that they had done for me! 

    Eventually, in the spring of 2025, my Mom was back on her feet, and I was less needed.  But then I got sick.  In April 2025, I found a tick bite on myself.  Soon after I became terribly and seriously ill.  I stayed with my parents as the cards flipped once more and they cared for me.  That is what family is for.   

    As I write today, it is May 2, 2026, and I am still sick with those tick-borne illnesses.  A full year later and I have not healed.  Still on antibiotics and herbal tinctures and supplement pills.  I take so many medications!  What you may not have foreseen, given what I have said, is that I moved into a new apartment March 31, 2026, that is further from my parents, and where I know nobody!  Hello number, 6!  Let us hope you stick!  I love this new apartment; it is the nicest place I have ever lived, and the neighborhood is great!  It was maintenance problems, again, with apartment number 5 that drove me to have to move to this new place. However, I believe it will work out well.  I am in a much better situation now, and there is room to flourish!  I am quite excited about number 6. 

    So, from August 2011 to March 2026, I have had 6 apartments by myself.  I have to say that I love an independent, child-free life!  I will turn 40 years old in October 2026, and I am happy to say that I have few regrets in my living situations.  Each place has offered its own adventures and memories.  There are some people I miss, but that is the price I pay for being someone who cannot seem to settle down.  I have never been married, although I have had 2 marriage proposals, and 1 engagement, which I ended.  I have dated and hooked up, but none of my partners to this point have been the right one.  And, since age 15, I have known that I did not want to be a mother to anyone other than fur babies.  I do not do well with human children; however, I have all the respect in the world for mothers.  I view being a mother as the hardest job possible, and I love my friends and their children!  It is just not the path for me; it’s a personal choice.  I live my life more like a nomad or a gypsy.   

    To conclude, is moving the most stressful event in my life?  Would I rate it super high on a chart?  Probably not.  The actual physical act of moving is stressful, but I love new places and new people.  I am not afraid of change.  If I can continue to be social with new people, and not become too isolated, I can adjust.  I am also very aware that it is a luxury to be able to move and to have as many opportunities as I have had for stable housing.  Homelessness is a reality that can hit anyone, anytime.  I have been truly blessed.  I view my life as being meant to be lived as an adventure, and I value my freedom!  Thank you God for my incredible life!  

    Peace Out, G. 

    PS If you would like to donate to a great homeless shelter and day program for those less fortunate, here is a wonderful place that could use your support: 

    hundrednightsinc.org

  • I’m Back! Let’s Talk Honestly About Anxiety and Faith

    I feel anxious.  I have been anxious all day.  Do you ever feel anxious?  It is hard for me to understand my anxiety, and even harder to control it.  I used to apply various substances as balms for my anxious mental health: cigarettes, alcoholic drinks, and benzodiazepine pills.  However, I now keep to a strict sober lifestyle.  So, what to do?  Over the years, psychologists have had me try all the usual “healthy” interventions, such as cognitive behavioral therapy or yoga and meditation.  And, yes, yoga and guided meditation are tools that I use on a regular basis.  However, when the anxiety is high and my system is on alert, these milder aids do nothing for me.   I need to invoke that which is higher.

                Prayer.  Praying is the ultimate soothing release for my anxious tendencies.  These prayers are messy and unfiltered.  They sometimes are not even coherent sentences or words.  God knows exactly what I need before I pray about it, and when I reach towards Him, the relief comes quickly.  It is amazing to me that I worship a God who loves me so much that He accepts all my worries and concerns, whether large or small.  Everything is okay, I can turn it over to the One who is really in charge.  Thank God! 

                Perhaps you find my approach to simple?  Do you doubt that prayers whispered in urgency can really relieve tough anxious pain?  You are not alone, I used to feel that way, too.  My faith as a young adult in my early 20’s was pretty much non-existent.  I was going through a challenging time with my mental wellbeing, and I thought God had abandoned me.  There were many moments when I wanted to give up.  However, through the love of my family and friends, and the support of professionals, I survived.  My faith in God began to resurface, and I started a long journey back to being a believer in Christ.  Many times, my faith has been tested over the years.  There have been scary times with both my physical and mental health.  But God has always saved and protected me.  In gratitude I have turned my life over to Him. 

    For example, my recent long absence from this blog, The Ladybug, was due to a serious physical illness.  I woke up April 20, 2025, Easter Sunday, and was dreadfully sick.  The eventual diagnosis was a tick-borne illness similar to Malaria, and I was placed on lots of medication and rest.  I needed help to do everything, because my abilities with basic living were impacted.  I have taken a long break from posting current photos of myself online, due to the full-body rash that itched and bothered me.  I struggled with a constant fever and abdominal pain on both sides of my chest.  Part of my relapse with anxiety is a consequence of the illness as well, because it attacks the nervous system.  Perhaps the worst symptom has been the fatigue and exhaustion, which I can only compare to how I felt when I had covid-19.  All to say, it would have been so easy to give up on God and just get mad at the situation I was in. 

    But instead, my faith is what got me through, and is continuing to sustain me through, all these recent tough days!  God is Good!  He loves me and longs to be in relationship with me, talking through prayer and devotion.  Again, He surrounded me with loving people, my parents, and doctors, and I was never alone.  Yes, I had moments of self-pity and despair, but overall, my feeling is one of gratitude for God’s great gift of life.  I hope my story can inspire you to try saying a prayer.  Are you anxious?  Are you unhappy?  Going through a struggle?  Pray.  Whisper a few words to the maker of the universe, and wait to hear His whisper back.  We are never alone, and there is no problem in this life that Jesus has not already walked through.  Let go and trust.  Reach out and He will hold you close in return.

    Wishing You Peace, G.

    PS I am still in recovery from the tick-borne illness, but stay tuned to The Ladybug!  New posts will be going up!!  Thank you to my readers!