The Ladybug

Tag: Blessings

  • How to Praise God on Difficult Days 

    Dear readers of The Ladybug, do you ever have days that are intensely stressful and you wonder how to say “Thank You” to God at the end of them? I had one such day today. For personal reasons, to protect others, I cannot outline for you the details of the stressful situations today. Regardless, I will just state that more than one event unfolded that pushed my mind and body to the limits. I am now lying in bed with my laptop and trying to decompress myself. When I started to say “Grace” before my dinner, I realized that I didn’t want to say my usual line at the end of the prayer. This is the usual statement, “Dear God, Thank You for all of the blessings of this life, I praise Your Holy wonderful Name!”  

    Instead, tonight I felt resentful towards God. I wanted to complain to Him, and frankly, be pissed off. So, I took a deep breath and said my usual prayer statement anyway. A nice f*ck you to the devil, ha-ha! Then, I felt inspired to write this post, because I realized that I am probably not alone with sometimes reacting this way to a bad day.  

    So, I have decided to tell you what went “right” today. Because I firmly believe that there is always something to thank God for, even if it is just the fact that you are still on the correct side of the grass. However, today I have more than only my life to be thankful for. To name a couple of items: I had a matcha green tea latte AND an iced coffee with oat milk. These are my two favorite drinks of choice. Living in a sober lifestyle and having them both on the same day is a big treat!  

    Also, I had enough money in my normally small bank account to buy myself a new yoga mat. Recently, yoga has become a major coping skill for me. I had not practiced it consistently for years, and so I began with chair yoga to strengthen my muscles and re-build my skills. Now, I feel ready to tackle more traditional forms of yoga on a floor mat. This was an exciting purchase for me! In addition to being relaxing, I have found yoga to be a form of movement that my physically weak body can manage better than some more intensive workouts for the time being. I am on a slow, but steady, fitness journey after major illness, and this yoga mat is the next step! 

    Third on my list is the fact that in my new apartment, I have my own washer and dryer for the first time ever! Maybe I am majorly “geeking out” with adulting here and showing my age but not having to share with other apartments or go to Mom and Dad’s house is a big deal! Suddenly, I love doing laundry. Having your own machines is an incredible luxury that most people in middle to upper class USA take for granted, but I have been poor ever since I’ve been on my own as an adult. Therefore, this is a big deal for me, and I am grateful to God. 

    Finally, and most importantly, one of the professionals who helps me with my mental health showed up for me in a big way today. I am blessed to work with some amazing people who assist me with my disabilities, and having services is also a big blessing. I know many people who “fall through the cracks” of the mental health system. They need services, and could benefit greatly, but they are not connected to the right agencies. I am truly humbled by the amazing people that I have met on my healing journey with mental illness and today was no exception. It was easy to thank God today for this person. 

    And…there you go! I have just written four paragraphs about the multitude of ways that God was Amazing today! I have thanked God in my heart over again, as I write and realize that I lead a truly wonderful life. If you have a bad day, I encourage you to try the same exercise. Pull out your journal, or a simple paper and pen, and write down anything that you can think of that did go well throughout your day. Your gratitude examples can be small and simple, but I bet you can think of a couple. Remember, God is always Good, He wants to provide a beautiful life for us little humans. When things go wrong, God wants to help us through. Reach out and Thank God, it will turn your mind in the right direction to focus on healing, instead of resentment. 

    Thank you to you, too, dear readers. My writing blesses me just as much as you, if not more so. I hope I have inspired you to have a peaceful night and find a good release for your own frustrations. Sending Hugs and Love, G. 

    PS The picture of Sunflowers is in memory of my beautiful Aunt, who loved them. 

  • Moving: My story of Adventure

    Is it Stressful or Not?

    Dear readers of The Ladybug, today I want to talk honestly about moving.  My friend bing.com says upon my search of how stressful moving is that the “Holmes-Rahe Social Readjustment Rating Scale assigns it a stress score of 42.69, ranking it 19th out of 43 life events.” I have included the link here: Bing.com Link Check it out for more detailed info!  However, I do not need statistics to inform me of the joys and woes of moving because I have now done it so many times myself!  But is it that stressful?  Read on for my opinions…  

    Let me take you on a little journey through my life story:  

    I was born in Brattleboro, VT and for the first 2 years of my life I lived with my Mom and Dad (I am an only child) in Grafton, Vermont.  Then we moved for 1 year to Bellows Falls, VT. All I can remember is that it was a very cold winter.  My earliest memories are of huddling up to the heating vents in the apartment.  Then we moved to Silver Springs, MD. I really hated Maryland.  I went from too cold to too hot!  Air conditioning was a must!  I think the problem is that I am a New England gal and always will be!  

    Finally, after 3 miserable years in the Maryland heat, my parents and I moved back to New England.  We settled in a moderate sized town in Massachusetts when I was 6 years old.  This became the place I think of as my hometown, located in central MA, right outside of the city of Worcester.  I lived with my parents in our family home, which was a big old Victorian Parsonage provided by the church where my Dad was a pastor.  I stayed there until I was 24 years old.   

    Then came adulting!  On August 1, 2011, I moved into my first apartment by myself.  However, it was not that much of an independence move because I was still in the same neighborhood that I grew up in. After staying there for only 1 year, I moved to another apartment by myself, still located in the same town.  I lived there for 2 and ½ years.  You may wonder if this was a case of “failure to launch,” but I struggled a lot in my 20’s with my mental health, and I needed my parents’ support.  In addition, I had the support of a case-management agency that I am still a client of to this day.  Chronic mental illness can improve, and mine has over time, but it has taken awhile. 

    I did eventually branch out.  When I moved into my 3rd apartment by myself, it was in a new town and neighborhood.  My Dad also retired that year.  While I was getting all independent, at age 28 now, my parents left me in Massachusetts and moved to their dream home in another New England state.  I was very nervous.  As I mentioned, I had relied heavily on my parents for support when I was battling my bipolar disorder symptoms throughout my 20’s. This was going to be a true test of whether I could begin adulting in earnest. 

    I am happy to report that I did pretty well.  I made friends and found a wonderful church that became like a family.  I also had a sweet cat named Ella, who was my emotional support animal.  I stayed in that town and apartment for 5 and ½ years, my longest foray into adulthood yet.  I was very content living there.  So, why did I eventually leave?  Unfortunately, the apartment developed a maintenance issue that the landlords were unwilling to repair, and it began to affect my health negatively.  I began an arduous search for a new apartment. 

    On March 1, 2020, I moved into a new apartment back in my hometown, although in a different neighborhood that I was unfamiliar with.  I thought I would get to explore and settle-in, BUT then the world shut down.  Covid-19 hit and I was hibernating in my new place, with only my cat Ella for company.  Covid-19 hit me hard personally as well.  From 2020 to 2023, I had covid-19 three times, and severely each time.  Once I ended up in the hospital, and twice I was diagnosed with long covid.  I did not do much for three years except lay in my bed, eat, watch TV, and try to care for Ella.  I gained 60 pounds.  It was certainly a low point in my life. 

    In early 2023, around February, I decided to take a year off from the University I had been attending online.  I focused on my health.  I did physical therapy for an extended time and began a long weight loss journey.  My church was thankfully still close to this 4th apartment, and so when it re-opened after the shutdown, I started to attend again.  Life opened up.  I found my joy returning.  I thought that I would be stable for a while.  Well, I was wrong! 

    In February 2024, I had no cats anymore after Ella passed, and another kitten had to be re-homed.  I became distinctly aware that my parents were aging fast.  I asked the director of the case management service (that I have my housing subsidy through) if I could move closer to Mom and Dad’s state line, while remaining in Massachusetts.  I knew that my mental and physical health still required me to stay in the best state for care.  In May 2024, I got my answer: Yes!  They had an apartment for me in Northern MA.  Time for apartment number 5!  Are you dizzying yet? 

    This was a hard move.  I said goodbye to a lot of dear friends that I still miss today.  I left my church that was my family.  I left my hometown and moved away the farthest that I had up to that point.  But it turned out to be just in time.  I was only in my new town and apartment for a couple months when my Mom severely injured herself, and my services were desperately needed.  I have a certificate degree from a community college in Nurse Assisting, and it came in handy!  Suddenly, for months on end, I was the new caretaker in the family.  I went back and forth from my apartment to my parents’ house, helping with every kind of care possible.  I was so glad that I could show up for Mom and Dad that way, after all that they had done for me! 

    Eventually, in the spring of 2025, my Mom was back on her feet, and I was less needed.  But then I got sick.  In April 2025, I found a tick bite on myself.  Soon after I became terribly and seriously ill.  I stayed with my parents as the cards flipped once more and they cared for me.  That is what family is for.   

    As I write today, it is May 2, 2026, and I am still sick with those tick-borne illnesses.  A full year later and I have not healed.  Still on antibiotics and herbal tinctures and supplement pills.  I take so many medications!  What you may not have foreseen, given what I have said, is that I moved into a new apartment March 31, 2026, that is further from my parents, and where I know nobody!  Hello number, 6!  Let us hope you stick!  I love this new apartment; it is the nicest place I have ever lived, and the neighborhood is great!  It was maintenance problems, again, with apartment number 5 that drove me to have to move to this new place. However, I believe it will work out well.  I am in a much better situation now, and there is room to flourish!  I am quite excited about number 6. 

    So, from August 2011 to March 2026, I have had 6 apartments by myself.  I have to say that I love an independent, child-free life!  I will turn 40 years old in October 2026, and I am happy to say that I have few regrets in my living situations.  Each place has offered its own adventures and memories.  There are some people I miss, but that is the price I pay for being someone who cannot seem to settle down.  I have never been married, although I have had 2 marriage proposals, and 1 engagement, which I ended.  I have dated and hooked up, but none of my partners to this point have been the right one.  And, since age 15, I have known that I did not want to be a mother to anyone other than fur babies.  I do not do well with human children; however, I have all the respect in the world for mothers.  I view being a mother as the hardest job possible, and I love my friends and their children!  It is just not the path for me; it’s a personal choice.  I live my life more like a nomad or a gypsy.   

    To conclude, is moving the most stressful event in my life?  Would I rate it super high on a chart?  Probably not.  The actual physical act of moving is stressful, but I love new places and new people.  I am not afraid of change.  If I can continue to be social with new people, and not become too isolated, I can adjust.  I am also very aware that it is a luxury to be able to move and to have as many opportunities as I have had for stable housing.  Homelessness is a reality that can hit anyone, anytime.  I have been truly blessed.  I view my life as being meant to be lived as an adventure, and I value my freedom!  Thank you God for my incredible life!  

    Peace Out, G. 

    PS If you would like to donate to a great homeless shelter and day program for those less fortunate, here is a wonderful place that could use your support: 

    hundrednightsinc.org

  • Strength Inside the Struggle

    Today is a holiday, Valentine’s Day, and many are enjoying dates with their partners and the thrill of a special evening approaching. However, I will be honest that that is not my reality today. Why? Because, I am sick today. My chronic illnesses are in a flare. So, I thought I’d give you a look at what that is like for me, instead of pretending that my life is roses. This entry is not meant as a pity party, merely to give the average healthy person a glimpse into my world.

         I have been diagnosed with what is casually known as “the trifecta.” This includes hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome), POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), and MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome). I encourage you to Google them, because these are complex chronic illnesses that have no cure, and make the lives of those who suffer from them pretty damn miserable! Basically, I struggle with a multitude of symptoms, including chronic fatigue and chronic pain. I take 20 medications a day in an attempt to manage the symptoms, but nothing is super effective. These medications also include the ones I take for my mental illness diagnoses. However, I have written previously about my chronic mental illness diagnoses, and they are not the topic of this post.

         I began having health problems as a child, and I have always been “sickly.” It has been a long journey of tears, unsuccessful treatments, surgeries, trips to the ER, and doctors telling me that I was crazy before I finally got the correct physical diagnoses. They came from a combination of an Integrative Medicine doctor in Northampton, MA and a few specialists in Boston, MA.  The trip to reach answers was long and difficult.

         Once I was properly diagnosed, I had a lot to process. On the one hand, I was relieved, and on the other hand, I was completely overwhelmed with facing what I now knew would be a lifetime of being sick. In early 2025, I began seeing a health psychologist for a special kind of therapy to help me learn how to live better and cope with the new knowledge. He has been extremely helpful. However, it has also been a challenging process to relearn how to balance my daily activities so as to better preserve my health.

         You see, I have always been an active person. I have always enjoyed setting goals for physical activities and participating in charity walks. As a younger person, I rode horses competitively and did jumping at horse shows, as well as dressage. I once dreamed of being a horse trainer. In addition, I had a passion for running as a young woman and enjoyed lifting weights at the local gym. My attitude was always to push through and keep going.

         BUT, as I have progressed through life, so have my illnesses progressed. All of those activities I loved to do my body can no longer support. Not surprisingly, this has left me with a ton of mental grief to process, and a lot of anger. So, now we come to the reason for the photograph I chose for today’s entry, which is me walking with my cane. Thankfully, I do not need the cane every day yet, but I do need it more and more. In addition, I occasionally have even needed a walker when in a really bad flare of illness. I have just turned 39 years old, and this seems incredibly unfair to me!

         How do I cope? Not great. Honestly, I have to spend a lot of time lying on the couch or bed and simply resting. Netflix and my DVD player have become necessities. I will say it: I hate resting. I crave a busy and productive life, and I wish my body would let me do more. I’m no expert still on living with chronic illness and dealing with the physical and mental pain. I just keep going. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and being grateful for the good days when I get to accomplish something meaningful.

                For example, I transferred to Westfield State University in the Fall 2021 semester, after not doing college course work for 14 years. It has been difficult, but I have now completed 11 courses at WSU with an overall GPA of 3.8. In addition, I enjoy volunteering at my local church. This year there was a high of being a worship leader for the Christmas Eve service. Mission work for the less fortunate in our society is also a passion of mine, and I feel fulfilled when I can help local charities. And, family and friend time is precious to me. I love to be social, even if it means resting afterwards. All of these blessings make my life purposeful. 

        I encourage you to be grateful, just as I try to be grateful, for the wonderful moments in life! We all struggle with something, and the best comeback is to see how God has blessed us. I try to be positive, even when it’s rough, and know that I’m never alone. My family, friends, and Faith guide me through. May my story inspire you to see your own strengths inside the struggle, and NEVER give up!!

         With Resilience, G.

  • Blessings During the Reign of Trump?

    The news today is scary.  Every day there is some new report of how President Trump is taking apart our country’s democracy.  I am afraid that everything I thought I knew for certain about America will soon change.  What is there to feel good about?  Prices and inflation are rising, not lowering.  Immigrants and people of color are in danger.  The LGBTQ+ community may lose the rights they fought so hard to gain.  The DOGE committee, fronted by Elon Musk, is systematically attacking government agencies, and being granted access to American’s most private information.  My status as a woman, alone, now puts me at risk for attacks from Trump.  The list of scary news goes on and on, and I can not cover all the topics in one paragraph.  However, suffice to say, that the reign of Trump is ushering in dark times for the USA. 

                So, what can I do to not feel overwhelmed and hopeless?!  I was praying on this subject, and what came to me were the simple words, “Stay in the present moment.”  There are blessings in my life that have not yet disappeared, and are worth celebrating.  I do not know how my life will be altered in the future by the new administration.  Therefore, it is more crucial than ever to be present and feel each blessing fully.  In honor of this philosophy, I have decided to write a Ladybug post today listing 10 blessings in my present life.  I will appreciate these blessings with every fiber of my being, for as long as they are mine to hold.  I suggest that if you are feeling equally hopeless at the state of our country, take out a paper and pen, and make your own list of blessings.  Celebrate the gifts God gives us, no matter how small.  Without further explanation, here are 10 Blessings that I cherish in my daily life:

    • My parents are alive and I can help them frequently.  This past summer, I moved closer to my parent’s home, and it is now a short drive to their house.  I can spend much more time with them, and offer any help they may need.  It is a huge blessing in my life to give back to my wonderful and amazing parents, who have always been there for me through thick and thin.  We have a relationship that I cherish.
      • My morning cup of coffee.  I love to wake up and go through the routine of making a pot of coffee.  The first bitter, hot sip is heaven!  Coffee is a luxury, and I enjoy every minute of drinking a good cup! 
      • Books!  I love to read.  I enjoy a wide variety of genres of books, and I always have 10 books that I am reading at the same time.  Everything from political non-fiction, to books on racism and women’s rights, to romances with handsome heroes, to fantasy novels that take me to other worlds, I love all books!  I especially enjoy reading banned books, and am currently reading The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.  I learn something new with every book I read, and the books become a part of me.
      • Walks in nature.  I love to be in the woods, walking among the wise trees, and hearing the birds sing.  Somehow, everything that was wrong in my life feels right again.  Nature is incredibly healing.  Feeling fresh air on my face is exactly what I need to cure any stressful situation.  Thank you, God, for creating this beautiful planet, and giving me the ability to enjoy your fabulous works!
      • Sobriety.  This is a serious blessing.  I do not rely on any substances to escape reality and get high anymore.  No alcohol, no cigarettes, no pills.  I never tried marijuana, and I never will.  I cherish and carefully guard my sobriety, because it is the most important gift that I can give myself.  I want to experience reality, and cope with stress, in healthy and safe ways.  The ultimate clean living.  The best decision I have made.
      • Yummy and nourishing food.  I have enough food to eat, and I am blessed to enjoy many delicious and tasty meals.  I have never gone hungry.  This has not always seemed like a blessing to me, as I have struggled with Anorexia Nervosa my whole adult life.  However, I have healed enough from my eating disorder to realize that food security is indeed an amazing blessing, and a privilege of living in the developed world.  In addition, there is so much pleasure in a good meal!
      • Health.  My health is a constant struggle for me, both mentally and physically.  However, I have wonderful health insurance that has allowed me access to top doctors and healing medications.  I could be much worse off if I did not live in a state that offers great healthcare.  In addition, I have the gift of great insight into my mind and body, which allows me to make good decisions about my care.  I lead a high-quality life, and I am grateful.
      • School.  I attend Westfield State University online, and it is an honor to have education access.  Many women around the world, and in our country, are denied education.  Currently, I am working to complete my BA in Psychology.  The courses are not always easy, and at times I want to give up.  Then, I remind myself that school is an incredible blessing, and I persevere.  I will finish my degree, in the hopes for better opportunities going forward.
      • Church.  Having a church family is everything to me.  The support of fellow Christians is crucial in my spiritual journey.  I have been blessed to be quite active in the different churches I have attended.  Mission work is a passion of mine, and helping others with the company of my fellow church members is a wonderful experience.  Churches and organized religions are certainly not perfect, but the gift of sharing faith with other believers is something I will value for my whole life.
      • My apartment.  I am not homeless.  There are so many people in the USA, and all over the world, who do not have stable housing.  I have a warm, cozy, comfy, and safe place to call my own.  My apartment is my sanctuary.  It is where I recover from the roughness of the world, and rediscover my spark.  When life is overwhelming, I spend a few days hunkered down in my apartment, and I feel renewed.  My space is where I go to rest, so that I may do battle in the outside world again.  This is a true luxury, and I do not take it for granted.  My home is my restorative blessing.

        The list of my blessings could continue, and it could certainly be much longer.  However, I felt it was important to take a moment to look at the most basic and simple blessings that make my life wonderful.  The daily life I lead is truly one that I feel immense gratitude for, and I do not take one single blessing for granted.  I will live in the moment, and return to look at my list, every time I begin to doubt whether I can face our scary world.  God is Good.  His Love endures forever. 

        Be Blessed, G.