The Ladybug

Tag: Blessings

  • Strength Inside the Struggle

    Today is a holiday, Valentine’s Day, and many are enjoying dates with their partners and the thrill of a special evening approaching. However, I will be honest that that is not my reality today. Why? Because, I am sick today. My chronic illnesses are in a flare. So, I thought I’d give you a look at what that is like for me, instead of pretending that my life is roses. This entry is not meant as a pity party, merely to give the average healthy person a glimpse into my world.

         I have been diagnosed with what is casually known as “the trifecta.” This includes hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome), POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), and MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome). I encourage you to Google them, because these are complex chronic illnesses that have no cure, and make the lives of those who suffer from them pretty damn miserable! Basically, I struggle with a multitude of symptoms, including chronic fatigue and chronic pain. I take 20 medications a day in an attempt to manage the symptoms, but nothing is super effective. These medications also include the ones I take for my mental illness diagnoses. However, I have written previously about my chronic mental illness diagnoses, and they are not the topic of this post.

         I began having health problems as a child, and I have always been “sickly.” It has been a long journey of tears, unsuccessful treatments, surgeries, trips to the ER, and doctors telling me that I was crazy before I finally got the correct physical diagnoses. They came from a combination of an Integrative Medicine doctor in Northampton, MA and a few specialists in Boston, MA.  The trip to reach answers was long and difficult.

         Once I was properly diagnosed, I had a lot to process. On the one hand, I was relieved, and on the other hand, I was completely overwhelmed with facing what I now knew would be a lifetime of being sick. In early 2025, I began seeing a health psychologist for a special kind of therapy to help me learn how to live better and cope with the new knowledge. He has been extremely helpful. However, it has also been a challenging process to relearn how to balance my daily activities so as to better preserve my health.

         You see, I have always been an active person. I have always enjoyed setting goals for physical activities and participating in charity walks. As a younger person, I rode horses competitively and did jumping at horse shows, as well as dressage. I once dreamed of being a horse trainer. In addition, I had a passion for running as a young woman and enjoyed lifting weights at the local gym. My attitude was always to push through and keep going.

         BUT, as I have progressed through life, so have my illnesses progressed. All of those activities I loved to do my body can no longer support. Not surprisingly, this has left me with a ton of mental grief to process, and a lot of anger. So, now we come to the reason for the photograph I chose for today’s entry, which is me walking with my cane. Thankfully, I do not need the cane every day yet, but I do need it more and more. In addition, I occasionally have even needed a walker when in a really bad flare of illness. I have just turned 39 years old, and this seems incredibly unfair to me!

         How do I cope? Not great. Honestly, I have to spend a lot of time lying on the couch or bed and simply resting. Netflix and my DVD player have become necessities. I will say it: I hate resting. I crave a busy and productive life, and I wish my body would let me do more. I’m no expert still on living with chronic illness and dealing with the physical and mental pain. I just keep going. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and being grateful for the good days when I get to accomplish something meaningful.

                For example, I transferred to Westfield State University in the Fall 2021 semester, after not doing college course work for 14 years. It has been difficult, but I have now completed 11 courses at WSU with an overall GPA of 3.8. In addition, I enjoy volunteering at my local church. This year there was a high of being a worship leader for the Christmas Eve service. Mission work for the less fortunate in our society is also a passion of mine, and I feel fulfilled when I can help local charities. And, family and friend time is precious to me. I love to be social, even if it means resting afterwards. All of these blessings make my life purposeful. 

        I encourage you to be grateful, just as I try to be grateful, for the wonderful moments in life! We all struggle with something, and the best comeback is to see how God has blessed us. I try to be positive, even when it’s rough, and know that I’m never alone. My family, friends, and Faith guide me through. May my story inspire you to see your own strengths inside the struggle, and NEVER give up!!

         With Resilience, G.

  • Blessings During the Reign of Trump?

    The news today is scary.  Every day there is some new report of how President Trump is taking apart our country’s democracy.  I am afraid that everything I thought I knew for certain about America will soon change.  What is there to feel good about?  Prices and inflation are rising, not lowering.  Immigrants and people of color are in danger.  The LGBTQ+ community may lose the rights they fought so hard to gain.  The DOGE committee, fronted by Elon Musk, is systematically attacking government agencies, and being granted access to American’s most private information.  My status as a woman, alone, now puts me at risk for attacks from Trump.  The list of scary news goes on and on, and I can not cover all the topics in one paragraph.  However, suffice to say, that the reign of Trump is ushering in dark times for the USA. 

                So, what can I do to not feel overwhelmed and hopeless?!  I was praying on this subject, and what came to me were the simple words, “Stay in the present moment.”  There are blessings in my life that have not yet disappeared, and are worth celebrating.  I do not know how my life will be altered in the future by the new administration.  Therefore, it is more crucial than ever to be present and feel each blessing fully.  In honor of this philosophy, I have decided to write a Ladybug post today listing 10 blessings in my present life.  I will appreciate these blessings with every fiber of my being, for as long as they are mine to hold.  I suggest that if you are feeling equally hopeless at the state of our country, take out a paper and pen, and make your own list of blessings.  Celebrate the gifts God gives us, no matter how small.  Without further explanation, here are 10 Blessings that I cherish in my daily life:

    • My parents are alive and I can help them frequently.  This past summer, I moved closer to my parent’s home, and it is now a short drive to their house.  I can spend much more time with them, and offer any help they may need.  It is a huge blessing in my life to give back to my wonderful and amazing parents, who have always been there for me through thick and thin.  We have a relationship that I cherish.
      • My morning cup of coffee.  I love to wake up and go through the routine of making a pot of coffee.  The first bitter, hot sip is heaven!  Coffee is a luxury, and I enjoy every minute of drinking a good cup! 
      • Books!  I love to read.  I enjoy a wide variety of genres of books, and I always have 10 books that I am reading at the same time.  Everything from political non-fiction, to books on racism and women’s rights, to romances with handsome heroes, to fantasy novels that take me to other worlds, I love all books!  I especially enjoy reading banned books, and am currently reading The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.  I learn something new with every book I read, and the books become a part of me.
      • Walks in nature.  I love to be in the woods, walking among the wise trees, and hearing the birds sing.  Somehow, everything that was wrong in my life feels right again.  Nature is incredibly healing.  Feeling fresh air on my face is exactly what I need to cure any stressful situation.  Thank you, God, for creating this beautiful planet, and giving me the ability to enjoy your fabulous works!
      • Sobriety.  This is a serious blessing.  I do not rely on any substances to escape reality and get high anymore.  No alcohol, no cigarettes, no pills.  I never tried marijuana, and I never will.  I cherish and carefully guard my sobriety, because it is the most important gift that I can give myself.  I want to experience reality, and cope with stress, in healthy and safe ways.  The ultimate clean living.  The best decision I have made.
      • Yummy and nourishing food.  I have enough food to eat, and I am blessed to enjoy many delicious and tasty meals.  I have never gone hungry.  This has not always seemed like a blessing to me, as I have struggled with Anorexia Nervosa my whole adult life.  However, I have healed enough from my eating disorder to realize that food security is indeed an amazing blessing, and a privilege of living in the developed world.  In addition, there is so much pleasure in a good meal!
      • Health.  My health is a constant struggle for me, both mentally and physically.  However, I have wonderful health insurance that has allowed me access to top doctors and healing medications.  I could be much worse off if I did not live in a state that offers great healthcare.  In addition, I have the gift of great insight into my mind and body, which allows me to make good decisions about my care.  I lead a high-quality life, and I am grateful.
      • School.  I attend Westfield State University online, and it is an honor to have education access.  Many women around the world, and in our country, are denied education.  Currently, I am working to complete my BA in Psychology.  The courses are not always easy, and at times I want to give up.  Then, I remind myself that school is an incredible blessing, and I persevere.  I will finish my degree, in the hopes for better opportunities going forward.
      • Church.  Having a church family is everything to me.  The support of fellow Christians is crucial in my spiritual journey.  I have been blessed to be quite active in the different churches I have attended.  Mission work is a passion of mine, and helping others with the company of my fellow church members is a wonderful experience.  Churches and organized religions are certainly not perfect, but the gift of sharing faith with other believers is something I will value for my whole life.
      • My apartment.  I am not homeless.  There are so many people in the USA, and all over the world, who do not have stable housing.  I have a warm, cozy, comfy, and safe place to call my own.  My apartment is my sanctuary.  It is where I recover from the roughness of the world, and rediscover my spark.  When life is overwhelming, I spend a few days hunkered down in my apartment, and I feel renewed.  My space is where I go to rest, so that I may do battle in the outside world again.  This is a true luxury, and I do not take it for granted.  My home is my restorative blessing.

        The list of my blessings could continue, and it could certainly be much longer.  However, I felt it was important to take a moment to look at the most basic and simple blessings that make my life wonderful.  The daily life I lead is truly one that I feel immense gratitude for, and I do not take one single blessing for granted.  I will live in the moment, and return to look at my list, every time I begin to doubt whether I can face our scary world.  God is Good.  His Love endures forever. 

        Be Blessed, G.