I struggle with finding balance. Balance seems to me to be a dirty word that I do not want to think about. In my life, it is typically all Go Go Go, or Stop and Collapse! There is no in-between. Part of this mindset is influenced by my bipolar disorder, where my energies are either manic or depressed. But even when my mood is peaceful, I still struggle to balance my schedule. Why is this a problem? Mainly because I hustle due to the messages around me in society. However, I have chronic physical illnesses as well which prevent success. I want to be always busy and productive, but my body will not sustain that amount of activity.
This morning, during my devotional time with God, I was led to read about the topic of rest. At first, I felt frustrated by the subject. Yes, God, I get it…I do not rest enough. But then I thought about it more. There are many different types of resting activities. It does not have to feel boring and pointless. One can rest by writing thoughts in a journal. One can rest by taking a nature walk and listening to the sounds of birds and rustling leaves. One can rest by reading a book and curling up with a warm cup of coffee or tea. And talking to God by sitting quietly and repeating a gentle mantra in one’s head can be incredibly healing and restful. There is plenty of room for creativity in thinking of restful activities.
I used to believe that I HAD to be productive every minute to earn the right to exist. If I had no purpose, then I did not deserve to take up space in this world. But now I think this mindset is harmful. In western cultures we value busyness over quiet pursuits. For example, if there is a wait at the doctor’s office, you are expected to pull out your smartphone and start scrolling, instead of closing your eyes and spending a few minutes meditating in the stillness. I feel particularly judged because I do not have a paying job. I often get asked the question “Well…what do you do with your time??” It is assumed I am a menace to society, too lazy to deserve attention.
One of the major struggles I had recently was a long illness where I could not do much beyond lying on the couch. I then recovered for a while, only to relapse again. My responsibilities were hard to fulfill due to my fatigue, and I began to feel worthless. Who am I if I cannot do things and accomplish lists of chores and volunteer commitments? And what about college? Do I register for more classes or just give up? My mind began to spin. This battle was too big to handle on my own. I had to take it to God. And the overwhelming answer was REST! You do not need to feel guilty. The word “No” is perfectly acceptable. Accommodation can be made and it is not a problem. But I still felt guilty. I was not performing in a society that demands us to all be acting all the time.
So, this is my statement of rebellion. I will no longer listen to the voices in the news and media. I will instead listen to the guidance of my body and my spirit and my faith. I am worthy no matter how little or much I do on any given day. And if the only thing I do is move from the bed to the couch and back again, then that is okay!! Biblically, I am completely backed up…even God rested during the creation of the earth. Sunday is our day of rest for a reason. I challenge you to think about your life and see if you need to grant yourself some time to rest. Are you pushing too hard because you feel like you have too? Let Go. Take some time to be still, however that feels best for you. Trust me, it will refresh your soul. When you do go back to being busy, you will have an added spring in your step because you took a pause. Your life will not fall apart because you stopped rushing for a moment. Let it go. Let it be.
I know that what I am writing is not popular opinion among busy Americans. But resting is crucial to both mental and physical success. The hustle can wait. Life is truly about that dirty word balance. Find the way that works best for you and stick with it, even if it feels awkward at first to slow down. Throughout the Gospels in the Bible, we are told of Jesus going alone to the mountains to pray at differing points of His ministry. He needed to re-boot with quiet time, and so do you! So, take the step, and step back, not forward. Breathe and be quiet. I promise you will feel better. This practice has helped me, and I assure you that it will help you.
In Rest and Peace, G.
The Ladybug 