The Ladybug

Category: Personal

  • Gratitude on my 39th Birthday

    Today is my 39th birthday, and, appropriately, the 30th blog entry of The Ladybug.  Wow, my last year of my 30’s has arrived! I have some reflections.  My first and initial reaction is: how the fuck did time pass so quickly?!  I thought I was just barely learning to be an adult and now I think I am officially a grown-up!  I live independently in my own apartment and manage my own money and drive my own car.  However, that said, I still need a lot of support to cope with this thing called life, as we all do.  It takes a village. None of us can exist alone in a vacuum, especially if you are an extrovert like me.  I am fortunate and blessed to have many good friends and loving family connections.  In addition, I receive excellent professional care for my struggles.  What I want to convey most in this post is how grateful I am for the beautiful life God has granted me!!  

    In honor of the gorgeous sunny fall day that has greeted me on my birthday, I want to share a top 5 gratitude list: 

    1: God is Good!  My faith is the most important thing in my life.  No matter how badly life seems to be going, I know that God will not abandon me.  I firmly believe that God loves me and works all things for my good (Romans 8:28).  I never have to fear, because in the end it will all be okay, and if it is not okay, then it is not the end. God has the ultimate control.  This belief set allows me to face every difficulty in my life, and we all know that life is not always easy.  May you, reader, be blessed, no matter what you are facing.  God is Good. 

    2: Love is a blessing.  While my romantic endeavors have never been super successful, which I do not plan to discuss in this blog, I have never had any lack of love in my life.  Love can come from many different places.  For example, my parents have raised me in a loving and supportive home.  My friends always rally around me when life is hard and make me laugh when life is good.  My extended family is kind and generous.  I could not ask for more love.  It is truly all around me! (Aww, so corny!)  

    3: I have always been blessed to have my basic needs met, including food, clean water, medical care, and shelter.  This is not the case for so many others in our country and across the world.  I know that leaner times are coming due to the direction of our current leadership in America, but I am still grateful.  I feel a deep connection to the homeless and to those in prisons because I have never known that pain.  I have been spared many heartaches.  Everyone suffers in this life; however, the degree of suffering varies.  I’m aware that my trials have been limited.   

    4: I have been exposed to the arts in a meaningful way.  I love watching ballet and listening to all forms of music.  In the past, I have experimented with creating paintings and collages.  Photography has always been a passion of mine, and I still enjoy capturing as many photos as possible.  Singing along to a favorite tune lifts my heart when I feel blue.  Visiting art museums and experiencing the genius of others has been a true gift.  Plays and film are also other art forms that I enjoy.  It is a true luxury to watch many differing movies, TV shows, and live theater performances.  Creativity is a beautiful expression of the human experience. 

    5: Writing.  Whether journaling, blogging, or working on my surprise project, writing feeds my soul in a special way.  In addition, I have been blessed to attend more than one university and to learn to improve my writing.  I dream of one day becoming a successful published author.  Let us not also forget the luxury of being able to read.  Many around the world, and in the USA, are illiterate, even if they do wish to read.  Writing and reading are blessings that I hope to remember to never take for granted.  In this theme, I would like to offer some advice: read a banned book while you still can!  There is an attack on works of quality literature now, and I feel compelled to urge all of my readers to use your minds and rebel!  That is my act of political defiance for the day!  

    As I turn the corner from “young adult” to “middle age,” I feel so much more confident in my own skin.  I know what I want, and I will not tolerate BS from anyone.  I have become a successful self-advocate, which is a crucial skill when one has physical and mental health issues like I experience.  Never be afraid to stand up for yourself!  I still have a way to go with my self-esteem and self-confidence, but both are in much better paces than when I turned 29 years old.  One final piece of advice from me to you: do not be afraid to seek help.  It may mean the difference between misery and survival.  More than that, life should be about thriving, not barely hanging on and surviving.  So, find a way to thrive, even if things feel messy.  Choose one small thing to accomplish and do it well.  Life is precious and fleeting, live it up!  And, of course, my favorite phrase to say, NEVER give up!!  Happy Birthday to me and thank you to all my readers for allowing me into your thoughts.  May you thrive and be happy!  With Peace, G. 

    PS This photo is me at home today, casual and relaxed at 39!

  • New Announcement: Business Creation Day 

    Today was an important day in my new writing career.  I have now created a business account for The Ladybug, my blog, with a new version of Microsoft Word.  I feel a certain sense of pride, as if I have done some serious adulting.  My blog is still in its early stages, with this 29th entry, as well as my bio, but the joy I find in creating it has me committed for the long-haul.  Originally, I viewed the blog as a place to combine religion and politics first and foremost.  I felt a special interest in these topics as a pastor’s daughter and as a self-proclaimed progressive Christian.  However, I have found that writing about my personal life has become interesting and never-ending.   

    My health has been a huge struggle in my life for the last 6 months, both physically and mentally, after a tick-borne illness diagnosis in April 2025.  I had to take an “Incomplete,” grade in my college course, and take to my bed or my parents’ couch for weeks on end.  My blog, The Ladybug, has remained one of the only outlets left for me to achieve in. Due to cognitive changes from the illness, such as intense mental fog and confusion, schoolwork and other creative pursuits fell by the wayside.  But I could write!!  

    Which brings me to this article.  My computer no longer had a viable source of Microsoft Word as of a few days ago.  I had to choose whether to invest in myself and my crazy typing, or to give up and admit that maybe the cards were stacked against me…not a chance!  Instead, I am doubling down on my efforts to bring unique stories and opinions about this multi-faceted thing we call life to The Ladybug and my readers.  I consider no topic to be “off-limits.”  There will still be politics and religion involved, especially given the times we are living in and current news stories.  However, I will now include an even wider repertoire of posts.  I also would welcome messages from my readers about ideas you would like me to write on.  The sky is the limit!  You can message me through Facebook (Gaelle McLoud), Instagram (@gaellemcloud), or WordPress.com where I post The Ladybug.   

    In addition, I have another project in the works that I hope to share soon.  It is a writing journey that I have been on for 12 years now, and it is still not finished!  But…shh…more on that when the time is right.  God is Good, and I have found that even in the darkest times, He can lift me up!  My writing has always been a gift to me, and now a passion I get to give to others.  I hope you enjoy it! 

    I’m doubly excited to share this change with all of you and look forward to feedback!  And a reminder that you can directly link to my blog by following www.theladybug86.com  

    Blessings, wonderful readers!  The best is yet to come! G. 

  • Perfectionism Part 2: My Truth and 10 Coping Skills for Depression

    I like to ask myself the question: How is it with my soul?  This is not a phrase unique to me, but one that I have heard from many religious leaders throughout my life.  Unfortunately, the truth of the answer to that question in my life is often messy.  Life is tough, and I find that there seems to always be a struggle.  However, there is another question I frequently ask myself that goes along with the first one: How do I want to appear on social media?  I VERY rarely tell the truth of the answer to question 1 when I consider the answer to question 2.  Social media seems to be too often a place for me to hide and deceive, rather than to be honest and raw.  No one sees the scars.  No one sees anything wrong.  I am perfect. 

                Well, today I want to pull the curtain back slightly and discuss a topic close to my heart which is mental health.  Yesterday, October 10th, was #Worldmentalhealthday and while I posted a nice photo and cute caption to my Instagram and Facebook accounts, I really was not sharing much.  Mental health has been a struggle for me since I was quite young, but the stigma surrounding it has often stopped me from dialoging openly about my experiences.  As I have shared on The Ladybug, my blog, I have been ill with a physical disease from a tick bite since mid-April 2025, and the journey to recovery has been a rough one.  What I have not said is the way this disease has changed my mental abilities.  Let’s talk about it.

                I have become extremely anxious and much more depressed since I got sick in April.  In addition, I have horrible bouts of brain fog and cognitive confusion that make it difficult for me to do my college schoolwork and do it well.  For the sake of this blog, I want to focus on talking about my depression.  I am extremely sensitive to medications for depression, and so, unfortunately, that line of treatment is unavailable to me.  I must rely mainly on lifestyle changes and coping skills learned in therapy to treat the symptoms.  This is very difficult.  I wish so much that there was a magic cure for the darkness that creeps into my mind.  I must thank my parents who have been Super supportive throughout my struggle, and my friends who have prayed for me.  God is Good, and I am not alone.

                While acknowledging the deep pain of difficult to treat depression, I also want to focus on all the many ways to attack this mental illness.  Here are some of the ways that I have been coping:

    1. Talking to a professional therapist and psychiatrist.  It is helpful for me to have an objective professional hear me discuss what is happening and support me with cognitive behavioral therapy sessions.  In addition, I see a Nurse Practitioner for extra support.
    2. Taking time to study the Bible and connect with God while journaling and listening to music.  This is my “Spirit Time,” and it sustains my soul with the light I need.
    3. Walks with the family dog outside in the sunlight, preferably through the woods.  Nature combined with gentle exercise can be quite healing.
    4. Looking at a relaxing magazine or loosing myself in a funny light-hearted book.  This changes my mental scenery.
    5. Not going on social media too much, and only remaining on sites that support my soul.  For example, I love ballet posts on Instagram, as well as inspirational Christian posts.
    6. Trying to keep eating and hydrating.  I tend to stop eating when I am depressed, and good nutrition is crucial.  In addition, staying sober, and only drinking favorite things like black coffee and matcha lattes is important!
    7. Talking!  I must not loose contact with those who love me!  I know I am not alone, and friendship and family, including church family, is a lovely tonic. 
    8. Writing.  You, readers, are a support for me as well, even if you did not know it.  I find a great deal of purpose through my writing, and typing away my crazy thoughts on The Ladybug, or the book I am currently writing, is quite meaningful.
    9. NEVER GIVE UP!!!  Putting that on repeat. NEVER GIVE UP!!!  Amen!
    10. Take it 5 minutes at a time when things get bad; every 24 hours is a victory!

    It was helpful for me to review these skills as I typed, and my hope is to help others. 

    My social media platforms show smiles non-stop, but I want those who struggle to know that it is okay not to be perfect, because I certainly am not!!  I have deeper thoughts and deeper pain that is a real and sometimes everyday burden.  You are not alone.  God is an ever-present help, just ask! 

    I also want to share that if someone is reading this and feels in crisis, please call 988, the national hotline.  Or visit www.afsp.org  

    The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is a great resource for support!!

    Blessings my friends! Thank you for sharing the truth with me. G.

  • Perfectionism Part 1: The Church and its Influence

    I am a pastor’s daughter.  Let’s say that again with emphasis: I am a Pastor’s Daughter!!  Why does this matter?  I began addressing this topic in the, “Gaelle’s World,” section of my blog, The Ladybug, but I felt it deserved a full entry.  Being raised in the church, with Christian values, has placed a certain amount of pressure on me.  I do NOT at all blame my parents for this pressure, as it came primarily from church members, and was not something my parents instilled in me.  Nevertheless, being a pastor’s daughter is one reason that I have struggled with perfectionism from a very young age.  There are, of course, other contributors to perfectionism in my personality, but let’s start with the church.  This will be a three-part series in which I will cover the topic of perfectionism fully.  Stay tuned!!

                So, what do I mean by “The church?”  I am discussing the Christian church as a global whole for now, not a specific congregation that I have belonged to.  My parents are left-leaning politically, and raised me with primarily liberal values.  I was not brought up in a Christian Nationalist home or with any other type of conservative Christian theology.  However, I still felt suppressed by the comments and expectations of the members of my father’s churches.  For example, my clothing decisions, how I dyed my hair, the extra-curricular activities I did with my friends, the partners I chose to date, and even my sexuality felt critiqued.  My Dad was a pastor for The United Church of Christ, a relatively liberal Christian denomination, but I still felt pressure.  When I dyed my hair blue, I was told by a church-goer that it looked, “immature.”  I was only 14 years old! 

                Fast forward, and I have struggled to carve out my own comfortable church alliances as an adult because the Christian Nationalists have taken over so much of what is identified as “Christian” in the USA.  I now identify myself as a “Progressive Christian” every time I am asked about my faith, just to make sure that I am implying my beliefs correctly.  I am extremely liberal politically, and yet still feel that Jesus is my Lord.  Those two identities seem to be in conflict currently.  However, my perfectionism battle is finally feeling much better.  At 38, almost 39 years old, I am confident in ways that were missing during my childhood and 20’s.  When I was younger, The Church, and all the pressure and comments got to me in a way that no longer matters now.  I am so much more comfortable with myself, and I feel close to God in the way I understand Him as my Father and Protector. 

                Make no mistake, the pressure is still there in this country to conform to a perfect “Stepford wife” way of life if you are a Christian.  But, Nope, Not me!!  I will not dye my hair bleach blonde, put in extensions, wear barbie clothes, get my lips plumped, my breasts enhanced, and my hips shrunk.  Money does not rule my mind.  I’d rather be poor and be right with God then cave to The Christian Nationalist’s female ideal that wealthy men in right-wing conservative roles of power marry.  And, yes, that is a dig at Donald Trump, and he will probably sue me for insulting him and his cronies.  My battle cry these days is: Be myself and Be Free!  No perfect image to fit into for a perfect church going girl.  My true friends in Christ love me for me, and I accept my flat chest and chestnut/greying hair just fine.  God is perfect, I do not need to be.  I encourage you to find a church that supports you and loves you for all your little quirks.  Jesus preached love, let us spread it among one another!

                To be continued…

                With Blessings and Freedom, G. 

    PS If this topic stirs up your feelings with controversy, yay!  I am hoping to encourage you to think about your beliefs and question our current status quo in America.  Let me here your thoughts in the comments!

  • Once a Barn Girl, Always a Barn Girl

    As the seasons begin to change and the “ber” months arrive (September, October, etc.) I am thrilled with the cooler crisper air.  As a person living in New England, I relish the colder times of year.  For me, summer is my least favorite time, as my body struggles with the heat due to my chronic illnesses.  In the fall/winter months, I feel refreshed again.  I enjoy the holidays, as well as my birthday and those of my parents, which all fall in these months.  While I understand that some people detest the cold, I feel that I was prepped to cope with it in a special way while growing up. 

                            You see, I am a barn girl.  Completely and totally horse crazy.  I inherited this trait from my grandmother on my dad’s side, who was “half-horse.”  I began riding her horses when I was 3 years old and continued to be a “barn-rat” until age 23.  Unfortunately, both my health problems and my financial situation do not allow for me to interact with horses on a regular basis today, but I try to live out the important lessons from the barn in everyday life.

                            For example, the barn made me tough and yet gentle in important ways.  First, I became tough due to pushing my physical stamina to perform demanding tasks in all kinds of weather conditions.  From mucking out horse stalls, lifting hay bales, carrying water buckets, and turning out horses in extreme heat or freezing cold, my body had to adapt.  In addition, I worked as a groom at horse shows, polishing the horse’s coat and body until it shined as it competed at top levels.  The groom should support both horse and rider to do their best during competition, with no detail going unnoticed.  I also learned to braid manes for competitive horses, which was an art form.

                            Being gentle is also an important aspect of working with horses.  One must first and foremost remember that horses are beautiful precious animals that are to be always respected!  Never take your frustrations out on the horse!  A horse can be your best friend, and each one has its own personality and little quirks and traits.  You must learn to work alongside each horse with tender care, and you will be rewarded with the bond that is formed between you and that noble animal.  I absolutely found that the grueling physical labor of riding, barn work, and grooming was worth it due to the happiness of being in contact with horses as much as possible!  Some of the most joyous times of my life have been spent in a cold barn snuggled up to a gentle giant. 

                            Today, I am no longer in constant contact with horses, but I follow the professional sport on Facebook and Instagram.  I follow jumping, dressage, and eventing, as well as some equine therapy practices.  I enjoy seeing the incredible range of sport that horses can be trained to do, so long as they are handled properly and treated with the respect they deserve.  In addition, I visit horse rescue barns on occasion so that I may fill my nose with the wonderful smell of horse!  Being a barn girl taught me a form of endurance and resilience that has equipped me to handle difficult situations my whole life long.  The phrase “Once a barn girl, always a barn girl” is no joke!  When I face something tough, my barn girl days have provided me with the inner reserves to stop and say, “How would barn Gaelle handle this?”  There is always a do-able solution.  I hope horses are in my future in an even greater capacity, but for now, my precious memories and early training are enough to give me a firm foundation to stand on.

                            Thank you to all those who made barn girl Gaelle a reality, you know who you are!!  I will go forward with strength and perseverance!

                            With Gentle Toughness, G.

               PS The first photo is me with a draft horse at a rescue barn.

         The second photo is me with my parents’ dog walking on a recent chill morning in what my dad called my “barn girl” fashion.

  • Walking for a Cause: Upcoming Challenge

    Hello Readers!  Welcome to my Fall 2025 walking challenge for a Great cause!  If you have been following The Ladybug, you may know that I love to spend time in nature and walk for exercise.  Recently, this aspect of my life has become difficult due to illness.  However, I am determined to be resilient!  I have been re-building my endurance slowly but steadily with joyful movement.  The upcoming fall weather is my favorite time of year to enjoy nature, and every little walk outside is progress.

                Today, I joined the Faith Warriors Team to participate in the Out of the Darkness Central Massachusetts Walk to benefit The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP).  This organization is a cause dear to my heart, as I have struggled with mental illness personally.  There were times in my life when I contemplated giving up, and I am so grateful that I am still alive!  Through the assistance of family, friends, and professionals, I lead a beautiful life today!  The AFSP offers support to those who struggle with suicidal ideation, as well as their families and the families of loved ones lost to suicide.  In my case, I have also found my faith in God to be a healing and strong influence on my mental well-being. 

    I have used my blog, The Ladybug, to occasionally address more personal matters such as illness and recovery, and I hope that I may continue to inspire others to reflect on the positives and blessings in life.  I know that times are hard, which is even more of a reason to join and celebrate the little joys of everyday life.  If you feel so called, please follow the link below to my walk participation page and sponsor me.  All proceeds benefit the AFSP.  Let us see the beauty despite the darkness. 

    Sending Love to All, G.

    https://afspwalks.donordrive.com/participant/Gaelle-McLoud-2025

  • Flowering Beauties: A Muse in Dark Times

                  Complete with Photo Exhibit

    Lately, life has been difficult.  I have had to find inspiration in new places.  Surprising places.  Today, I would like to share one of those muses with you.  Nature is a wonderful and mysterious thing, and I am discovering a new appreciation for flowers.  Specifically, the resilience of flowering plants.  The weather in New England, where I live, is ever variable.  However, this spring and summer I have appreciated the beauty of flowers and how they continue to shine even on cloudy or rainy days.  For today’s post on The Ladybug, I have selected 12 of my favorite flower photos that I’ve captured using my cell phone camera.  Gazing upon these images during a particularly difficult day gives me hope for the future.  If winter can be followed by these dazzling splendors, then my dark days must be leading up to new life and good times ahead.  I know that God promises darkness will not last forever.  It is my wish that these images inspire you as well.  Never give up! 

                With Perseverance, G.

                “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

                “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Hebrews 6:19

  • The Ugly Truth of Before/After Pictures: It’s Not What You Think?!

    Trigger Warning: In this post I am breaking some rules of the eating disorder (ED) recovery world, because I am showing a photo, hoping to prove a point.  However, if you are in recovery, please proceed with caution. 

    This is my own personal before and after photo:

    The picture on the left is from December 2022, and the picture on the right is from July 20, 2025.  The obvious difference is my weight loss.  Many people, both strangers and those closer to me, have complimented me on how “good” I look currently.  The implication is that smaller=better.  I would argue that American society is obsessed with thinness in women.  Somehow, we are supposed to strive for thinness constantly, and, if necessary, torture ourselves to get there.  BUT, does smaller=healthy?  Does smaller=happy?  Should smaller=goals?

                Let’s clear this up!  I want to dive into the weight loss debate by sharing the story behind my own before/after picture.  In the first “overweight” picture, I was on my way back recovering from an illness of Covid-19.  I was staying at my parents’ house during the Christmas holiday.  I was eating delicious, homecooked, and scrumptious meals prepared by my talented Mom.  My body was feeling stronger and in a good healing place.  I was enjoying walks with my Dad and the family dog.  Most importantly, I was HAPPY!  My body was not my only obsessive concern.  Life was going okay.  The status of my ED was, “under control.” 

                Now, fast-forward to today’s current photo.  I am not healthy.  My body has been through a lot this year.  My chronic illnesses have been in a flare.  In addition, I’ve had a horrible tick-borne illness and a severe bronchitis.  It feels like one thing after another.  More recently, my GI issues have flared, and eating is a battle.  This problem with food includes nausea and vomiting, as well as some new un-treated problems.  I have begun the healing process with a new team of doctors, but it is progressing slowly.  I am damn miserable!  I can not enjoy my Mom’s food.  I can not eat my favorite dishes or savor my coffee.  Yuck!

                SO, which scenario sounds like a better way to live?  I would honestly choose option number one that I described, and the accompanying photo.  Unfortunately, that is not the feedback I have received from the general public, as well as medical professionals, and even friends and family.  When I weighed more, my doctor was always telling me about the outdated BMI scale, and urging me to lose weight.  In addition, the amount of attention I received from potential romantic/sexual partners decreased when I weighed more.  No more whistles, no more date offers, and no more of that sweet sizzling tension in the air.  I had, “let myself go.”  Now that I am “attractive” again, I can feel the eyes back on me.  I am not trying to sound vain in these observations, it is just the simple truth about the way beauty and sexual attraction is viewed in the USA.  Celebrities are under the same pressure, especially women.  When females are in the spotlight, they have a microscope on their bodies, constantly urging them to get smaller and more toned. 

                What is the solution?  I will say an in-joke from my family, but perhaps you, readers, will like it too: “Fuck them if they can’t take a joke!”  Do not care what other people think about your body, care only about your own health/happiness.  There are so many more real markers of health which indicate a life well-lived than what shape your hips are.  Do you have friends who love you?  Family that supports you?  A partner who respects you?  Those blessings are worth their “weight” in GOLD.  I know these truths due to personal experience with both the abundance and lack of these treasures. 

    I am not a doctor, but after 20 years of being diagnosed with an eating disorder, I can tell you that being fat is connected to very few actual health risks.  You do not need to “lose the belly-fat.”  In fact, women are supposed to have soft tummies so they can have babies.  And what is more beautiful or joyful than bringing new life into this world?  Ladies, please be gentle on yourselves, look on your curves as gifts.  I know it is not always easy when the, “wellness,” industry is pushing against the truths I am presenting, but beauty does not need to be so narrowly defined. 

    In closing, I want to offer a hope that after reading this rather controversial post, you will begin to think through a little more the ways you are judging appearances.  I include in this statement both your own appearance, and that of those around you.  Although my post is targeted mainly for women, it can also be for other genders.  The pressure to be thin is on all, and I want to make sure I recognize that there is room for multiple definitions of gender.  So, have a good think now, and see how you can rebel against the diet and wellness communities.  They are trying to sell you products for an unattainable shape.  I think the only shape that truly matters is happiness.  Try that one on and check the fit!

    With Boldness, G.  

  • Restorative Walking: A Personal Journey

    Walking is such a wonderful activity, and full of many different benefits!  I do not take my ability to partake in this gift lightly!  And walking truly is a gift, as it allows one to exercise in a gentle way.  If you have read The Ladybug this year, you may already know that I feel especially connected to the Spirit of God while in nature and moving my body.  I also like to partake in charity walks to raise money for worthy organizations that do good in our imperfect world.  In addition, walking with a friend, family member, or group, is a blessed way to be in community and form connections.  I could go on and on about the benefits of walking, but I want to get a little more personal with my readers today about my 2025 walking journey.

                Walking is, in general, a little more difficult for me than for the “average” person.  I have been diagnosed with POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardic Syndrome) and hEDS (hypermobile sub-type Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome).  Both illnesses affect an individual’s ability to exercise.  However, I persist with a routine of walking and yoga as a way of maintaining healthy and joyful movement in my life.  The year 2025 began with a blast, with my body being strong enough to complete the American Cancer Society 31-Mile Challenge in January.  I walked 42 miles in the month of January, while raising money to fight cancer. 

                As the year continued, I began to feel a bit like I was struggling with my health.  I completed less mileage in the months of February and March.  Half-way through March 2025, I became ill with a bad bronchitis and lay in bed feeling sorry for myself.  In April 2025, I woke up on Easter Sunday extremely ill with a tick-borne illness like Malaria.  If you want more details on that experience in my life, see my former Ladybug post I’m Back! Let’s Talk Honestly About Anxiety and Faith.  By the end of May 2025, I was barely walking down to the mailbox. 

                Facing a huge deficit in my physical stamina for walking and getting outdoors for exercise has been hard on my mental health as well.  As the month of June began, I was determined I would regain my strength.  Gently, I began with restorative yoga practices.  Then, walking 0.50 miles up and down the sidewalk near my apartment building.  When I was visiting my parents’ home, I walked short distances with the family dog.  I carefully stayed under a mile at first until I felt strong enough to barely reach that distance. 

                It seemed that my fitness was on an up-swing, but the universe had other plans!  In early July, I was admitted to the hospital on a med/surge floor for testing and the procedures set me back yet again.  When one has POTS and hEDS, it is harder to recover from “normal” testing which other individuals may bounce back from.  I left the hospital on shaky legs, walking with a cane.  I do not want to complain too much at this point, because let me be clear that walking is a privilege.  Even with the set-back, I knew I was still blessed.  So, the journey now starts again to gain momentum and stamina.

                I would like to choose a charity walk in the Fall 2025 to plan to complete.  It will be beneficial to have a goal to train for as I navigate the difficulties this year has thrown at me, and may continue to provide.  Please comment your suggestions!!  I live in New England, but virtual walks are welcome, too!  Last October 2024, I completed a 10K distance virtual walk for The Jimmy Fund.  I would like to choose a walk with a good cause.  My walking journeys are never all about me.  I like to use my body, in whatever shape she is in, to spread love to others.  I hope that my passion for sticking to it and not giving up will inspire you as well.  Think of a cause you love and find a walk/run/hike/roll that you can accomplish!! 

                In Progress, G.

    PS The photo below is of me walking the family dog today.  I completed 1.03 miles! 

  • When my Spirit is in the Desert

    Confession: I am in a spiritual desert.  Perhaps you can relate.  Does the spirit just not feel quite as alive within you?  Well, that is my experience.  The major cause for me personally is stress!!!  I would love to believe that I am such a great Christian as to not drift away from God during intense periods of stress, but who am I kidding??  When life is hard or unfair, I blame God.  In my anger I step further and further away from Him.  It may be a childish reaction.  It may only make my circumstances more difficult.  And…it may lead to the desert.  Then I am alone and struggling. 

                So, what is the easy solution?  There is none!  But opening my eyes and looking around at my desert surroundings is the first step.  I must realize that my toes are sinking in the sand.  The desert is vast and mysterious.  The first step is admitting that I’ve wandered there.  If I stay in denial about my spiritual health, then God is unable to heal the relationship with me.  Let me be very clear about one fact: God never steps away from us; we step away from Him.  God always desires a loving and close bond with those He created.  God never causes bad things to happen to His beloved.  Instead, God longs for our relationship with Him to aid us in conquering the stress of a broken world. 

                The next step is sticking true to your personal spiritual rituals Even while you are in the desert.  For example, if you connect with God in nature, then take a walk!  If you connect with God through music, then lift your voice or other instrument!  If you find God in art, then dance or paint!  Never Give Up!  The key to finding your way through the desert spiritually is to keep on trudging under the sun’s hot rays.  Staying true to your passions connects you to the Spirit of Love.  In turn, the Spirit intercedes for you with God, as described in Romans 8:26-27 in the Bible.  I like to paraphrase this Scripture as such: the Spirit is a friend inside your heart that can relate to God what your thoughts and yearnings contain, all without words. 

                Ultimately, re-establishing a connection with God is the best tool for surviving the deep desert that we all may experience from time-to-time.  Therefore, a third tip I will share is that trying something new in your spiritual routine or coping skills set is a great way to re-gain that connection.  For example, in March 2024, I began volunteering to be a worship leader and sermon preacher at a local church.  Previously, I mostly volunteered doing mission work, which I loved.  However, I have now found that I have a passion for delivering sermons and organizing prayers.  I feel the Joy of God when I engage in these activities.  I find leading worship to be challenging and exciting as well.  I would not have felt these wonderful feelings if I was afraid to try something new!

                In addition, I want to make space for the fact that sometimes, engaging in new spiritual activities that require a healthy body or mind are not possible.  I, myself, have experienced this reality recently.  I have been struggling physically with a severe tick-borne illness, as well as the mental stress that results.  If you are depressed, or facing any other mental health emergency, please seek professional support. I am blessed to benefit from an excellent support system of professional mental health care.  Also, I would advise some other types of low-key forms of exercise.  Some types I have used include: a stationary-bike, a yoga mat, and 2lbs weights that allow me to “work-out” gently.  Movement can be beneficial for both chronic medical and mental illnesses.  I find that moving my body, even slowly, connects me to God.

                I will close by saying that though the journey is tough, it is worth it!  God is a beautiful constant in a world of chaos.  Draw close to Him, even if you are stressed, and He will respond.  Keep Going on the road of faith!  The desert is cruel and dusty, but even Jesus walked there, and with the aid of His Father in Heaven, Jesus walked out into eternal glory.  He will help you out of desert living as well!    

                In Living Water, G.

    PS: A picture of my time writing to you, Ladybug readers!!!